S1:E66 – Where's Brad

Theater of the Mind podcasts are intended for mature audiences. Listener discretion is advised. Content warnings can be found in the podcast. Description. Welcome to Theater of the Mind presents Retribution. My name is Mike. I'm your dungeon master. This is episode number 66. 6. This week's question from the Ultimate RPG Campfire Card Deck by James D' Amato is, if you were less committed to your ideals, what do you think would be different about your life? I still think we just did this question.

Hi, my name is Amanda and I am playing Mel Kelly.

Hi, Mel.

Hi, Mel.

Hi, Mel.

Mel couldn't be less attached to her ideals because she doesn't have any. She's just sort of a go with the flow kind of a galaxy.

I think Mel is finding her ideals the longer we go.

Exactly. So if we're going to talk about how her life would be different if she'd had ideals that she was already following when this whole apocalypse thing happened,

she would have read the terms and services.

She would have read the terms and services, but she probably wouldn't have gone along with these complete strangers to go save the world. So her life would be drastically different.

We're all lucky that she was influenced by us.

She was easily influenced. Like, oh, you guys are going to do this thing.

Okay, all right.

That sounds fun.

If not for you, if not me, then who would have one hell of a follower?

Yeah, right. So, yeah, no, if Mel had actually had really solid, solidified ideals, she would absolutely not be on this wild little adventure.

You're welcome.

Thanks.

I'm Jeremy. I play Elliott Brandybane. And if Elliott Brandy Bain weren't as tied to his ideals, he would probably have a number of people that liked him more and he would probably hate himself and would not sleep well at night because the entire idea of being wishy washy and going whichever way the wind is blowing at that moment offends him on a deep, abiding level.

I feel personally attacked.

For the exact opposite answer.

Hey, that's Elliot. I don't know what to tell.

Sometimes it's fun to just see what happens without actually planning it in advance.

Hi, I am Brunel. I play Olnock Vaga Johnson. So it might be hard to tell, but Ulnock does have ideas and they don't necessarily involve just decapitating people for

the fuck of it.

Right.

Like, it's fun. He didn't realize it would be. It was kind of a shock. But if he was not in his chaotic way like a good person and he was lined up with his ideals and he like didn't really have any. I don't think he would be helping you guys, but I also don't necessarily think he'd be helping anybody. Probably be drinking a lot and just murdering. He would just be like a drunk Ted Bundy. Like, I don't know what else, or like, I don't know.

It would not be a drunk asshole.

It wouldn't be good.

Yeah.

Ah, you would be a Richardson boy.

Yes.

But would anybody have decapitated me?

I don't know.

I feel like I might have been smart enough.

Hard to get a swing that.

Yeah.

I was like, you're so hard.

It's really hard. You gotta start at the light of

gotten you square in the gut, though.

No. They gotta cut you down to the knees. And then when you're at head, then you just.

Yeah, yeah, no, absolutely. Cut the oak from the bottom, not the top.

Yes.

Yeah.

You gotta chop wood. You can't go to the top.

Hello. I'm Downs and I played James o'. Brien. And I don't think James really had ideals prior to this either because he literally just went from town to town stealing shit, getting caught, and then moving to the next town. So if James still didn't have ideals, he probably would have stolen a lot of stuff, then dipped by now. Feel like saving the world? What has the world ever done for me?

I'm out. So we've made you a better person.

Yeah.

You're welcome.

Sick twist. We've all made each other better people.

It was a joke. I was going to get you.

I'm now green with envy.

No Shroom be with you. But, you know,

remade and remade in God's own image.

Yeah.

Is God a mushroom now?

He's a fun guy.

His name's Gus. Fun Gus.

Fun Gus.

Sorry. Speaking of people rubbing off on other people. Apparently we've all been hanging around down too much.

Inevitable we spend far too much time together.

Right.

I failed to see this as a bad thing.

I don't see the problem.

I'm Casey. I play Emery Lee.

And we did all introduce ourselves, by the way.

Thank you. Thank you. I did catch that this time.

Actually.

I was paying attention to it this time. There is like, just from a kind of a. Like just kind of from a storytelling point of view. I do think Emerie's ideals is partially what has kind of pushed all of us onto this quest. Us to begin with, like a little bit. Maybe not entirely all of you too, obviously.

Elliot's doing this because he had zombies on his lawn.

Yeah.

Get the off his property. So he can enjoy his goddamn property.

Yeah.

Get our.

We did have a good long stretch of time where we were all very content at Elliot's ranch just to like chill in our corner of the world. Like, that's true.

It lasted like two episodes.

Yeah, that's true.

We did hang out for a while.

I think that's. Everything about Emerie's life would be different if she did not cling so strongly to her ideals. Like, she would not be here. She would not have quit school. She would not have lived any part of her life that makes her who she is. So that's fair.

You would have some dragon plate.

Yeah, exactly. We would have tasted dragon 100%.

I'd have ate some of that.

Okay, so what the fuck?

We might not have stayed to save Carson. We might have just gotten the fuck out of there immediately, you know?

Like, this looks like, awful. Let's get the fuck out of here.

Like, there's so much of what Emerie does that is just strictly not self serving in pretty much this entire quest. So fair. Like, I don't think she'd be here at all if she was not.

So this whole.

She would still be in Fort Morgan. Let's put it that way. She would have stayed in Fort Morgan if she was not so tied to her ideals.

So this whole quest is really the most epic version of. Get off my lawn, Sir Meliot.

Yep,

you get off my lawn.

I think it's the first time ever.

Evil overlord kids anyway.

Bunch of dead beats on my lawn.

Slackers. Get a job.

Get a job. Cut your hair, you hippie. That's his skin, Elliot. He's a. He's a. He's a zombie. That's an undead person.

I can't help walking like that.

Pull your pants.

Yep.

Jacob is currently learning what his ideals are same through a wild smorgasbord charcuterie of options of what morality can be.

He could not have more varied influences in his life at this moment.

With that said, we did give him the option. If he'd wanted to go with a Moritar, we would have let him.

Would we have?

I'm not so sure that's true.

I feel like that's wholly inaccurate.

I feel like we asked him.

I feel like we've killed many a person to avoid that.

We asked if he wanted to go with a Moritar.

We asked if he wanted to come with us.

Well, the alternative being that he was going to be captured by a Moritar. Like, it's not like we had a different safe place for Him. Like I sort of assumed that the like. No, you're not wrong, but not in so many words. But it was implied.

Does that count?

I don't know if that counts.

For what?

For asking him.

I don't know if that counts. He's content with where he's at.

Do you want to go with the scary evil man for us or do you go?

You want to go?

I don't want to go with the scary evil man.

All right. Or the chaos. Here's your options. Different ones.

Yeah.

I think we ought to do a bonus content one shot series where that's the voice he uses for his character.

Yes.

Go ahead and go with a. I rolled a 19. Tell me what you rolled. Oh God, please don't spin.

19.

That's fucking. What'd you roll?

19. Okay.

Haha.

15.

11.

I got an 8.

5.

I nailed it.

19. Yeah, that makes sense.

Technically speaking, you were actually there the whole time.

That's true.

It's really easy recap.

Yeah, but we know my recap skills need some polishing.

Anyone else's perspective would be great. It's like we met Ulnock's kid that we eavesdropped.

Actually, you know what? I'm dying to know what you got out of last episode.

All right,

so we went to Sentinel.

Then we had to, kind of. So I can't remember where we started, but we weren't in Cincinnati. We made our way down to Cincinnati. We went through some little Podunk towns, but we got closer to Cincinnati and it all started to kind of look the same. And then we're like, how are we gonna find your daughter? And then everybody's like, coming up with a plan. And then Mel's like, don't you have her address? And Moldock's like, I'm retarded.

I have built her ice.

You are correct. I do. Let's do that. And then we started asking a whole bunch of people where this place is. And by committee, because we don't have maps or gpus or anything else to get us there. So we started talking to people to find this apartment complex. I horribly described where I saw the Tower, the Citadel. I said it was far enough away for me to know that it was big, but not close enough away. Close enough to me for me to see. To not see the top. Which apparently is a terrible fucking description. It made sense to me in my

head when I said you added extra words into it.

Just here.

I tried to recap it that you

could see it, but close enough that you could still see It.

That was the original.

That's what I said.

All right.

That does. That's a terrible.

I know what you were trying to say, but that is in fact what you said.

So I was trying to say what I just said before, that that's why

we were laughing at you.

That's a nonsense statement.

So it was close, but like far. What are you high right now? Yes.

Anyway,

so we eventually found our way to this apartment. And while we're sitting there looking at the apartment going, is this the right one? Ulnock's daughter speaketh to him.

Spake.

Spaketh. Spoketh.

Oh, just spake. Spake.

Anyway, yes, she said, dad. And Olak went,

I bet we helped.

Yes, they sure did. We helped a thousand times worse and much more awkward. Yeah. And then after a little bit of talking with Emily, we're like, hey, can we get the fuck off the road? Because there's scary tax collector people that we didn't know were scary tax collector people. We just thought they were these scary looking burly men on giant Clydesdale, like black horses. So anyway, we wanted to get off and into off of the main street and somewhere away from the scary horse people. I don't like how I said that.

Anyway, those are called sentai.

So we go upstairs to the 13th floor, because of course, of course it's on the 13th floor. And then we talk to Emily Olnak's daughter for a little bit, let her know why we're here. And then she's like, mom's gonna be home soon. And Elliot, while we're speaking, goes, hey, maybe we shouldn't all be here. Cause we're making this a thousand times more awkward than it should be. And Mel's like, no, we can do this. It's gonna be great. That's working out. Cause she's having a hard time reading the room and it wasn't, you know, it's just the way it was. And then they kicked everybody out. And then they started eavesdropping on the rest of that conversation, continuing to make it extraordinarily awkward and uncomfortable for my daughter.

It was not going to be less awkward.

It wasn't. It was painful. It was hard.

We lightened the room.

We were breaking the awkward silences, making it more awkward.

We broke the awkward silence with awkward noises.

Just put the awkward meter.

Just tip the scales all the way. Eventually it'll even out. You know what I mean?

If you break the scale, then it's fine, right?

I mean, we are planning on breaking

a scale, but it was much better if the scale was broken because your friends were awkward and not because you and your daughter were awkward because then it became a you and her against the weird people you hang out with, we help.

It's fair.

We friends, we help.

Probably. We friend. We help. It did lighten the mood at least. But Olnok was afraid to leave his daughter alone in a room because he's terrified that something bad is going to happen to Ola where she's going to happen to her, she's going to get taken. So kind of asked if we could go wait down in the lobby together. That way everybody's kind of all hanging out. We go wait down in the lobby waiting for Ma. Ma shows up. She's cool until she sees all nock and then she's.

So yeah, it's just one of the like two riffing off want to say.

Yeah, you hit two of them.

I'm sorry, Twitch is pretty loose

so royal mega face.

That one's fine.

Okay. But yeah. So for Twitch that didn't go well. If Ulnock had ever gone to therapy he probably would have handled the strength immediate conversation better than he did. But he didn't handle it well and she immediately got mad and then went and tried to take her daughter away from Mel who was showing her the highlights. Probably a coloring book or two. I don't know. Anyway,

yeah, I supposed to know. Word searches had clues.

15 year old was helping me solve the puzzles.

Like no, it's the blue one. You got to do the blue one.

Emily's over here going and you got into college. College, yeah.

Those weird.

I graduated.

The weird squares at the bottom of the page, if you flip them over, those are the answers.

Well I knew that.

But cheating. You're not supposed to cheat

a

but.

Yeah. With a lucky persuasion roll we calmed K down. Kay. We calmed Kaylee down. Olnock's ex wife. Yeah. And at least she's calm for now. It's not great, but she's calm.

Ish.

And we're gonna stay with us. Yeah, she's willing to wait. She's currently somewhat on board with the plan to get him out of here if we can figure this out. But we have to wait for Brad to get home which honestly. Okay, not that big of a deal as long as guy comes home. I'm worried about that one but so we're staying close an apartment either right across the way or next door some it's very close.

Right next door.

Right.

So.

And that's as far as I can recall where we left off. We're gonna be waiting for Brad. Hopefully he comes back. If he doesn't come back tonight, we will go find Brad. Hopefully in good shape and health and likely not dead. And hopefully not brainwashed and hopefully not undead. Also, that undead would be very bad.

A lot of new ways to find Boo.

Yes.

Most of them suck.

We could find him alive.

Yay.

We could find him dead.

Boo.

We could find him undead. Ultra poo.

Well, sorry. We knew how to kill your dad.

Oh, nope.

He's coming.

Actually, we had to kill him twice. I don't know if he saw him twice.

Oh, his hand's back to life.

Forgot he went evil. And then we killed him. And then we had to kill him again. God damn it.

He won't stay down.

Perfect.

So, yeah, that's where you are. You are next door in an apartment.

Guys, they have sodas.

That's a brilliant fucking cover.

That was so good.

Room temperature soda.

By the way, the black horses that the cards are riding would be destriers.

Yeah, those destriers.

Yeah. They could also be perturons, which would be about the same size as Clydale's. As whack, but that's a little too big to ride. But the destriers are the big ones that they used. The knights in armor. They're still very large horses, but they're a little more ridable size. Those Percherons and fights tails.

That is a big damn horse.

Massive. Yeah. They're so big.

These are. These are definitely monsters.

And they are

generally.

They're not generally. The black beauty aren't ridden.

Oh, yeah. They're so broad. We would never want to ride them.

Oh, God, no. Yeah.

Sorry.

That picture just made me like our hips to be destrier again.

Yeah, I'm not 100% sure that's how to pronounce that. That's how it's spelled.

I think it's destrier.

It could be destrier. Could be French.

It is French.

Destrier.

Destrier.

Yeah. So you are next door opening sodas.

Yeah.

Sitting on a couch for the first time in, like, three months. This is fluffy.

You kind of want to sit out in the hallway and make sure that nothing happens.

Yeah.

I had this awkward feeling you were going to be, like, sleeping in front of the door or something.

You know, you could sleep closest to the wall to their apartment. So if you hear a scream, you could just kool Aid man your way through the.

Do you think it would be inappropriate to, like, roll out the bedroll on top of the neighbor's beds. I mean, they're not gonna need them anytime real soon.

I don't think so.

I mean, like, I'm not gonna get in their sheets. That's weird.

They're probably fresh. If they're. If they lent on vacation.

If they're the kind of people who change their sheets before

then they come home for fresh with fresh sheets.

Yeah, no, mine too, but not everybody does that.

Not everybody

roll for sheets.

That'd be real funny if you tried doing that Kool aid. Manning your way through a wall and you hit a stun.

That's why I recommend you mark them before, just in case. Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, yeah.

No, I mean, like, we could leave the front door of the apartment open. We don't have to be closed in here. And we can take watches. Still, like, I think we should.

I definitely think we should take watches.

I just.

I don't feel like we're in.

I was told not to steal, so I can't take watches anymore.

Wow, James, they could be a hot commodity. Maybe you should start.

You're getting desperate at this whole breaking the awkwardness, aren't you?

Hey, if they're analog and they still.

After all of that, I have so many stupid jokes.

Did you see me hold back?

I know, I know. I could hear your teeth grinding while we were all eavesdropping.

They keep opening the door and I can't walk through.

Sorry olnock if we made things worse,

but I don't know if that was at all possible. But thank you for being here at least. Because if I'd have came alone, this would have went fucking horrendous.

We don't want to make it bad for your daughter now your ex wife. I've got an ex wife? Martha. She hates my guts way worse than Kay apparently hates yours because she didn't throw anything at us. You know, at least there's something there.

I don't know. Was there a restraining order on you?

No, but she's a pretty damn good shot and made it pretty clear.

I should have known. We don't do lawyers.

Why get the government involved, right? She was still Mary Deliot.

She didn't believe in divorce. She's a crazy woman.

There's only one other recourse.

If you don't.

The only other recourse is called recoiled.

Yeah. Awesome. Well, then what's watch order?

I will take second because I always do that.

Third.

Fourth.

I would happily take first.

Okay.

Yeah. You're wound up. I don't think you can sleep.

I'm not gonna sleep for a while.

Oh knock.

Does anyone need.

You should be at his fluffy bunny.

You probably should.

Okay, that is a weird.

That's a weird.

Elliot.

Well that's you do what I meant.

I know what you meant but that's

not what I thought. I don't think they're hear the joke.

I. I don't.

It wasn't.

It was just the Mel said that be his fluffy. Gotcha.

Anyway, no, I don't see that going well.

Can I be little spoon?

I don't think that's physically possible.

Yeah, like I tall enough. Yeah, I was going to say every

right. I forgot you got a gross expert.

Yeah, she might be more big spoon than backpack.

Yeah like ship man if you really needed it. But it's gonna be awkward.

No one's gonna enjoy it. But I'll try.

Everyone needs a cuddle pipe.

I can offer you a good hug. How's. How does that sound?

I will give you back your hammer.

I'm gonna need that for. And just in case. Just in case. Everybody calm down. I'm not gonna fly off the handle immediately. For now. Yeah, I got it. I got it.

I got it.

I got it. And if danger happens, you'll know.

You'll hear a lot of stuff.

A lot of things.

It will not be subtle.

I don't think we need to worry

Wild magic sorcerer and barbarian.

Unless you turn all of us into potted plants.

We.

Well, no.

I make no promises.

In which case we're all going to be in a vegetative state.

He's so wild. Go to bed with some weird fucking people next door to you now.

And have plants.

What the fuck?

I was going to say there's probably a reason why Mel does not want to take watch with Emerie. Namely because every time Emory goes off, Mel gets caught in the gross body.

For some reason. You were always standing next to me every single time.

Poor Mel. Dude, it's either that or she's in the splash zone of every kill I have.

Yeah, you're in the splash zone of either blood or magic.

Yeah.

No, it's true. I think I probably take more accidental psychological damage from the two of you than I actually dole out.

Yeah, you are encountering stuff that there is not therapy for.

No, for sure.

I'm sorry. I can't help but picture the. The group in the apartment. And then from way down the hall you hear decapitation. Oh, shit.

Son of em O dock.

We're coming.

Because that is his battle cry.

Sorry. Beautiful. All right. Old Doc Emery Yes. Tis your watch. Describe. You're in a. You're in a building in the dark, Right?

That's right.

This place did not come with torch sconces. There are some. We'll say. We'll say the. Whatever name I said apartment has some candles of the fragrant varietal. They definitely had, like, emergency flashlights, but

I'm assuming batteries don't work.

I have a light spell. We're fine.

Yeah, that's fairly.

Do you cast that at the end of the flashlight?

That would be funny. Just cast the light on the bulb. Yeah.

Well, that would mess people up.

I think I would if I was gonna do that would be like a lantern. Because I don't want a directional light. I want something that's actually gonna, like, light up the room. But I mean, I think, honestly, like, we might be seeing. Spending some time in the apartment. But I think keeping watch is mostly out in the hallway.

Yeah. Okay. So I'm, like, glued to that door.

I want to make sure nothing's coming near it. I don't want to hear noises.

And every so often, stick your head down the stairwell and listen.

Yeah.

Nice.

I think it's a fairly. I don't know. I mean, maybe there's a couple awkward starts for conversations, but it's also like. It's apartment hallways at night. Never don't feel like a place to have conversations.

Yeah, they're creepy.

Just in general.

It's one of those liminal spaces. Yeah.

Yeah.

So the nice thing is this is one of those apartment buildings that is more glass than not to where you can very clearly see the entire stairwell from outside. It's all glass. It's got some of that anti. Slight tinting on it. You know, that, like, vaguely reflective stuff I see? Which normally at night sucks because you can't see outside because the brightest light's inside, but you don't have much light inside, so you can see outside quite comfortably. Gonna give me perceptions.

Why that one?

You know what? Give me a performance. Hold on.

Performance.

Shake it up.

Just to do it different. That one had a plus four to it. Go.

Is that what I think?

Great.

But it's better than my passive 14.

1. You see? All right. Okay. For real. What's your perception then?

It's a 10 plus 10, minus one 9.

What's your passive is a 10.

That's a 9.

9.

My passive is a 10.

Okay. Dope, y'.

All.

Team passive Woo.

You're actively patrolling but noticing nothing.

Noticing nothing.

The awkward vibes are too.

Why do I even stand Watch. Guys, I don't notice anything.

What we should do is we should give one of us advantage instead of

both of us rolling.

That's.

Yeah, I don't know how to do that.

Well, we're both on wash. You like. It's providing the help.

Like assisting.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm giving her advantage that way so

she can re roll and hope.

Okay. Yeah.

That's better odds, I think.

Yeah.

Okay.

Kind of.

I mean, I think it's kind of.

She doesn't have a minus to her perception.

Yeah.

But I don't have a plus either, so.

Yeah.

Actively got a negative.

Yeah.

Yeah. Now it's you having a roll, which is historically not awesome. So.

That's the other problem.

What I'm hearing is that you guys need to stop being on the same watch.

Yeah, that's really what this boils down to.

I wanted company, and then you pointed

out you don't want Rage McRaegerson going off with his hammer in the middle of the night. That's probably. That's a good point.

Is your name Rage McMahon?

Yeah, maybe.

Maybe. So it's a. It's a. You know, I'm not gonna say a pleasant watch.

Yeah, right.

Sitting outside your ex wife's apartment while your daughter's inside.

The awkward vibes are all consuming.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Which technically, you can almost just feel the loathing radiating through the door. It's palpable if this was an anime pancakes just radiating through that door. But it is an uneventful watch.

Good.

Even if it was eventful, y' all wouldn't have know

to your knowledge, nothing happened.

All right.

James was second.

Yes.

Jaime is next.

Yep.

So, yams, yammes, yams, yam, yams.

The chef go wake. We'll go wake James. And as far as we can tell, it's been quiet.

All right.

Would you like. I can leave you with a lit lantern for an hour.

I can see in the dark.

That's why I was asking if you wanted it.

I. I appreciate the gesture.

Great. You don't get light, then. Good night.

Hey.

Hey. Hey, you.

That's fine.

If things need murder,

wake me up.

Trust me, I will. I will. I will let the whole world, all of China will know that they are here.

Yes, yes.

The Huns have arrived. I understand. Yes.

Trust me. I have a spell for this.

I'm gonna attempt to sleep. I make no promises. I'm gonna try. Yeah, I just.

I feel hatred. Most of my watch is gonna be listening to you, tossing and turning. Too bad I don't have the sleep spell. I can just make you pass out.

You'd have to beat a motion. I do have a spell.

It's called Cast iron. And I hit you. I hit you with one of these skillets.

That was so bad for your health.

What was I doing for nightmares? That was a charisma check, right?

Yeah.

Give me a charisma check.

Was it check or saving throw?

Saving throw.

And we all know Olnok is famous for his charisma.

Actually, I have a plus one

because

I thought that would be helpful, and it has not come in helpful in the slightest.

That's okay. I have a plus four, and I thought it'd be helpful, but I can't pass them.

You have to roll.

Well, you're not sleeping well. No. At all? Not sleeping well at all?

Fuck.

Almost.

Nope.

This one's done some chims. What, you do it on your watch?

So they were patrolling the hallway, Correct. Okay.

Kind of peeking in the stairwell. They said.

Yeah, I probably do pretty much the same thing. Just up and down. I'll look up. You said there was a window.

Yeah, like the stairwell is a window.

Okay. So I'll probably just do that. Just back and forth, listening for creeks and sounds, looking for any unnatural light sources.

Okay. Give me a perception.

Okay. Passive 16.

So on one of your stairwell trips, you are, you know, you're looking out at the intersection and you see some of these beautiful, gorgeous horses trotting up, metal shoes tossing sparks as they contact the asphalt. And you see the writer has clearly, like, cliche, ye olde scroll.

Oh, hear he hear he.

Yeah. And he is reading it and looking. And he looks at that building for a good long while when you're in, and you see him pull out something, make some notes, And then he starts to write off.

Okay.

And slow. It's okay. That was good.

Hopefully I'll probably. At that point, I'll probably watch four more horse traffic. And if I see a bunch more of those kind of horses coming up to the building, then that's gonna be an issue. But at the moment, with this, the

one dude, and he's kind of riding away like, he's not like, go, I found him.

Yeah, right.

He's not like Paul Revering.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The elvens are coming.

The idiots are here. The idiots are here.

So, you know, if you're hanging out mostly there for the next two hours or for the rest of your two hours or whatever, you see a fairly steady patrol. Like every 30 minutes or so, there's a diff. It's A different dude. And for the most part, they're coming up and down that drag that, you know, leads to the citadel. Correct. There's that one road that goes straight to the front gate, basically. Yeah. That's where most of the traffic you're seeing is.

Yeah. They're patrolling Main street effectively.

And you see. You see that. You know, one out of every, like, five or six of those guys is one of the robed. Like, not robed. Cloaked dudes.

Yeah.

Distinctly not robed. They're not the church.

Yeah. They're the tax collectors.

Yes. You see one out of every five or six of those guys is that the rest of them are like, knights. Like, you're seeing a full plate. Smaller horses. The horses have got farting and, you know, so they've even got. They're so far that they've got, like, the fancy insignia, banner things.

They call their arms.

Sure. On their butts, like on their hips, their back hips. As if, like, almost like what you would picture in like, a jousting turn, almost. You know, those guys are a little more common, But you don't see anyone else. None of the other ones seem to be, like, assessing right now. The rest of them, you're getting kind of a. Not a. Not a hauling butt, but they're more in cruise control getting somewhere.

Yeah.

Unlike that first guy, who was very obviously.

Yeah.

The first guy wasn't on patrol. These guys are on patrol.

Right.

Gotcha. And that was the only one that was like that. Interesting. But I don't hear anything, like, creeping up the stairs or nothing like that.

Okay.

All righty, then. Yes, that is my watch. I will head back inside and wake up Elliot.

All right.

Hey, Elliot.

Yeah.

Your watch. And I hand you your watch. Thanks.

God.

Sorry.

I was real antsy. My bad.

It's just a nervous tic at this point.

I know.

I'm sorry. There's too much drama going on.

I. Yeah, let's try it, man. Gotta get it fixed.

Just klepto.

Tourette's.

There's only two things I'm good at so far. Bad jokes and stealings.

This is both.

You're batting a thousand on that one, then.

Anyway, I know. I was mainly watching outside. There's been several patrols. Several of the tax collectors. They're real dedicated. It's like the irs. Then there's some knights that have been patrolling. But there was the first guy that I noticed looked more like an assessor. He had, like, one of those old timey scrolls, you know, Here, here, here, here. Kind of a Thing, and he looked directly at this building, and then he wrote, I haven't seen anyone like that since. But there was something about just mosey on. He just kind of moseyed on. But he took particular interest in this building.

Okay, thank. I'll keep an eye for that.

Otherwise, I didn't notice anything. Olnock's having a bad night, though.

Yeah, I figured he would.

Anyway, I'm gonna go sleep in the corner.

All right. Get some sleep.

Yep.

So Helen will get up, and there's

a perfectly good couch.

I'm guessing that he's a little on edge, too, mostly due to how close they are to that citadel. So Charlie's probably kind of nervous with him. And so he's going to. He's going to spend his watch kind of as quietly, which. Elliot can be extraordinarily quiet, pacing the hallway, watching down the stairs and outside as much as possible. Periodically, he'll come up to the wall of the daughter's apartment and he'll lean. He'll lean against it kind of with his head against the wall and listening to see what he gets on the other side. Probably spend about 10 minutes or so, and then he'll go back to checking the ends, and that's how he's going to spend his watch.

Perfect.

Give me a perception, sir.

Oh, nice. 20 total.

20 total. So sorry. Easy stuff. Everything you're seeing lines up with what James has said. You don't see any more quote, unquote, assessors, but same thing every. You're not able to get a count because you're not just sitting in the stairs. Like, he was right. But you see definitely more knight types than you see tax collectors. But you do see some of the tax collectors moving. You don't hear anybody. You know, I mean, it's not like this is an abandoned apartment building, right? Like, there's. There are signs of life inside here. You know, somebody opens up and goes to throw some trash down the trash chute at one point. You know, things of that kind of nature, but nothing that strikes like, oh, shit, we're being invaded.

Right?

You know, and when you push your ear. One of the times you push your ear to the wall, you definitely hear some crying inside. Supposed to be kind of like they're trying to be soft. It's in there. It's very obviously in their living room. And you hear Kaylee say, mostly to herself, damn it, Brad, where are you? You know, please, Very, very concerned wife, like, okay, now, this is two nights, right? This is different. But as far as concerning. Oh, there's not a lot of that.

Okay. Okay. Yeah, I don't have anything. I wouldn't do any different with that information.

Discontinue my watch and you know, the duration of your watch does pass uneventfully.

And I believe it's Mel. Yep. I'll go wake up Mal. Mal, it's your turn.

Oh, okay.

I'll tell her about the assessor that we saw that made known to the building. And my concern is that their putting us on a list to raid. I haven't seen anything that indicates that's currently happening, but that's something that I want to watch out for. So if you see a group that seems to be approaching the building, don't wait. Just get everybody.

No problem.

Okay. Beyond alert. This is a scary twice.

Belle blinks at you a couple times. Alert.

Yep.

Yep, I'm alert.

Good.

Roll the deception check.

Well, the good news is she can do stair runs her whole watch.

I was sleeping in a bed for the first time in a really long time.

Do you need Charlie keep him company?

No, no, I'm. I'm good. But I would like to finish getting dressed if you could, like, you know, go.

Can't believe you took your clothes off. You're nuts.

I was sleeping in a bed. A real bed.

You're just incorrigible.

What lavish nonsense. Taking off clothes.

I didn't take all of them off.

I love how originally she was like, should we sleep in our sleeping bags? I feel like that might be a good idea. But she's like, no, screw it. I'm sprawling.

We've already decided Mel's a chaos sleeper.

We found their spare sheets in the cupboard and changed the sheets like, whatever.

It's absolutely gonna take her a minute to get the bed like normal again. Because Mel's a chaos sleeper, apparently. All right, so Mel comes out to do her watch. She's outside in the hall as well and looking at the stairwell. She's absolutely gonna do. Not yoga, but. But probably work on some of her katas, depending on what art you're in. But same thing for forms. Yeah, forms, katas, pimpse, whatever, those things.

What's that third thing you said?

Pimpse, poomse, poopsay, pimp, slap, poom.

Say, I'm genuinely not trying to be offensive to whatever culture I am insulting.

Korean.

That's Korean. Okay,

cool.

Give me a perception check.

Oh, 19.

So, yeah, the. You know, we'll say that the. I don't know, know what this is facing. So we'll say the. The. The Stairwell is catching that good morning light. And it's just got that, like, that pleasant warmth that cats seem to be particularly fond of. And so you're doing some of your forms in there, just kind of literally warming up your muscles. It wasn't cold in here last night, you know, but. And as you're doing that, you're kind of. You're watching a little bit, and the same thing, right? You're seeing the same basic volume of imperial bad dudes. Again. Roughly. Roughly 1 6ish of them are these tax collector dudes. And for your. The duration of your watch, most of them seem to be coming to the Citadel. And right. Right about the end of your watch, you see somebody who would be. Who would kind of match the. The tone and the description of that assessor. Again, he's. He doesn't look any differently than the rest of the tax guys. He's wearing the same basic vibes. He's got the. Obviously he's wearing some flavor of armor under his cloak. Yeah, under his cloak with the hood drawn, the whole shebang. But you do see this scroll that they were talking about. He's got it tucked under his arm, and he is riding up, like, not to the building, but riding back to the Citadel now with some. Some sense of authority.

Ken.

Aside from that, it's a. It's a pretty steady stream. There's a. There's a fairly impressive number of these guys. Whereas. You don't know this, but. Whereas during his watch, it was like whenever you, like, five, ten minutes maybe. It's. It's almost like super orderly. End of school, everybody's coming back to the colony.

Or it's like, yeah, your. Your change of shift, that's exactly about how many would you say that she's seeing?

Oh, like what?

Like, couple dozen? 40, 50, 100? Okay. Just to get an idea of what we're looking at here.

Yeah, this feels very well staffed. And actually, it really wouldn't be that different from nearing the end of shift at, like, the PD if the PD had a tax collecting branch,

they used to. No, I don't know.

I don't know if that's true, I assume, I guess if you go far enough back in time, the things that we called cops did. Yeah, the sheriff used to collect taxes.

Right.

But nobody. Nobody else is really paying attention to the apartment or anything. They're on their way back into the Citadel.

Yeah, that seems to be general. And also, by the end, you do start seeing, like, obvious signs of life. People headed off to work.

Okay.

You start to smell. The building you're in is actually the first floor is a bakery.

Awesome.

So you are smelling. I think it's a crust hole. Yes. This place is a Parisian. Parisian bakery.

Do they serve ganache? Sure.

They call it ganache.

Absolutely. Pronounce it that way. Yes. Trying to be fancy. They think they're doing it right.

Right.

They call it after the guy who's running.

Or worse. Or worse. Is it G?

There is the one dude who obviously worked at the Italian bistro before he came here.

Ah, I have some gnachi,

But that is your watch.

Okay, this is updated. We'll wake everyone up with the morning cup of caffeinated beverage based off of whatever's left in store stores

by going to the bakery or by what's in the apartment.

What's in the apartment?

We'll say that they actually had some coffee in here.

I'm not splitting the party. Oh, I am totally thieving the coffee.

I'm not splitting the party, but I'm hogging the coffee.

No, not from the party. I just like. I look and go, ooh, you've got coffee.

Never make it back.

I make coffee and then I take the rest of the jar and I put it in our gear.

Oh, okay.

Because we need it more than they do, obviously.

Yes.

It's okay.

I will also raid their cabinets for any caffeinated teas for when the coffee runs out.

Yeah, they've definitely got some. It's not an amazing selection.

That's fine. Bakers can't be choosers.

They've got whatever generic brand Meyer sells out there.

I will then leave a little note in the cabinet that says, thank you for letting us stay at your apartment. We are saving the world. We appreciate your donation of tea. Love, Mel. And I'll just put that. And I'll just put that in the tea cabinet for them.

There you go. There you go. We'll say that these guys actually had a decent selection. Like, these weren't, like, healthy. Crazy healthy. So they've got like, Twinkies and shit.

Oh, well, that's still good.

Guys. They have canned soup.

There's an okay supply of canned. You know, it's still an apartment, so it's not like they were, like, you know, crazy stocked. Right, Right. It's a downtown city apartment. But you are glad to see that they didn't rely on a Keurig.

Thank God.

So you don't have to make your coffee one pot.

Not only that, but it's electric. We make pour overs here.

But that is your watch.

I will. When everybody gets up and I've served them coffee, I will let them know that. Yeah, I know that everybody saw the various nights. And those two will be like, what nights?

Yeah, so the fucking nights. What are you talking about?

Yeah, it was night. That's why we were sleeping.

Yeah, no, like, so we'll tell them like all the various like patrols that we saw. But I'm like, yeah. What? Morning shift was changing of the guard and there was at least 50 of them coming back from all over town. Like there's a lot of these guys.

We're gonna have to take out like 10.

That assessor came back too, looking very proud of himself.

Dude with a scroll.

I don't know. He had a scroll under his arm like they do.

I love the fact that you. That Mel has actually ridden a horse. I heard his.

That was, that was that not the motion that he gave.

Scroll underserved. That's great.

The DM has been riding across the country on a horse. Only we.

Yeah, I couldn't see him past the lamp here.

Well, I could see it from where I was at. So I like. Yeah, he's a scrolling your mother.

Anyway, so did anyone see the. What's his name? What?

What's his name? No one. Brad. No one came into the apartment in my watch.

Out of the apartment. We got to move.

People did start leaving the apartment to go to work every day.

You should follow suit to go look for Brad, I think. No, we gotta find him. We really gotta find him. So you find him.

Search and rescue.

Search and rescue. We gotta find Brad. We gotta find him. Find him.

One, I'm taking your coffee. You don't need that today. And two, deep breath in through the nose, out through the mouth.

Sorry.

I love that. K probably just walks in with. With ulnock just karate chopping the air. Just like we gotta go. We gotta live, we gotta find bread.

We gotta get the out. Yeah, Brad didn't come home.

Yeah, we were keeping an eye out just in case. We didn't see him.

We didn't see anybody come in last night.

Yeah.

Do you guys know, like we know about the tax people and we saw some like knights walking around. Do you guys know anything? A dude that's gonna have like a scroll and like, like looks at buildings.

That is a weird description.

No. Okay, so it was basically one of those tax collector dudes, but he had a scroll and he like. Well, when I saw it was riding a horse. I don't know why that's so funny. That is the universal riding A horse movements. I don't get.

Just looks whimsical when you're doing it. That's.

It's a jovial image of a dark scary guy.

Exactly.

Because he describes it as like a

dark hooded figure riding a gigantic horse.

Okay. Let me put it that way.

Like I'm imagining this big scary guy with a scroll.

Like a lollipop. Seven to eight.

I can't wait to go home and do my homework.

Is he Tanjiro from Demon Slayer?

He is now.

Did he look at.

At this place? Yes. At this apartment specific. This apartment complex specifically. Do you know anything about somebody that's like with a scroll that goes around checking buildings? I know that's not a whole hell of a lot to go off of.

There's. I mean he only comes at night. But there's rumors and they're not good.

You want to be more specific?

We need to go. Need to find Brad.

Yep.

And then go.

And then leave the fuck out of here, I think.

Because I assume that's not good.

I think maybe that's why I said it wasn't good. You and Emily should. Should pack a bag. Just in case.

Yeah.

I've already turned back around, going into the kitchen and I'm shoveling all of the food packs, a couple changes of

clothes, several layers and all of the essentials just in case. Worst case scenario, like best case scenario, we find Brad, you come back and can unpack. Worst case, we hit the road.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay. Give us like 40 minutes.

Yeah.

Okay. And for the record, spandex does not wear well on horseback.

Okay.

I cannot confirm that, gentlemen.

Layers. Okay.

Just to help.

What kind of people lived in this apartment? Pacific Ariassi, the one that we've been staying in. I was gonna raid their wardrobe.

You would.

I'm sure they fit. Business suit.

Maybe you can get some more undershirts.

That's a natural.

Twice.

It is.

Fucking gorgeous. Pair of wool chaps.

I was gonna say it's the cowboy boots that he's.

Yes. Yeah.

Nice fake western.

Haha dude.

And he happened to be exactly the same shoe size as James and he picked himself up a nice pair of fake Catwoman like.

Like.

You find out this dude worked at a dude ranch where they do the kind of like medieval knights, but cowboys.

Oh yeah. Huh.

So he's got the whole. Whole fucking shebang for you, buddy.

Yes.

I don't care if we have to kill a million knights. I'm gonna do it in style.

That's a style?

Yeah.

That's an S. My three Tells me that the woman who lived here was not my size.

Guys, all of the pieces of my outfit actually match now.

Except the cape.

Except for the cape. But I don't care.

He doesn't not look like.

Yeah, that's true. I'm an elf.

That looks woody.

He's gonna grab all his gear.

And Charlie, I am a wood elf.

Head down to the horse. Horses. And get the horses ready.

Yeah, go.

You know the horses were out of sight of the main road all night, right? Oh, I just wanted to make sure that wasn't. Might not have been.

This place is nice. Has valet parking.

That's Elliot. And you better be grateful he's not here. Are you sure?

Yeah, right.

He's badly.

I can see him now.

I have abilities at that point Elliot walks up behind you.

No, no, I have blindside now.

Are you wielding your dagger?

I mean do I have to wield it to be able to get the blindsight effect?

Most magic things work. You have to have them.

You have to at least be holding it.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Well, I guess you just walk around, I guess.

Yeah, I guess I'll always just. I'll probably have like an assassin suit, Creed style, you know.

No, no,

you don't have a spring loaded mechanism. You could have.

That'd be really cool.

Ghetto rigged ass.

Like it's got like a 30 chance of cutting your hand off finger.

Yeah, you could have it like strapped awkwardly.

I can count on one hand the amount of times that that's worked.

That's the only way you could drop.

Yeah, I was gonna say what you did is you took the the sheath and then like strapped it underneath your archer.

I don't need to wield it. I just need to equip it.

I think Emery would have gone and helped Elliot, but she's partially because she has dimension door. Also she partially wants to make sure that there's an escape from Emery just in case.

Okay, Go Go Gadget fire escape.

But anyway, we wait the 40 minutes for them to be ready, packed up and poof it down so many stairs.

One nice thing, probably a thing that drove Olak to fucking bat shape. K is precise. 40 minutes later she is ready to go.

Actually that wouldn't have drove them olnact insane. Would have been if she went well over that 40 minute time frame. 40 minutes and you're done at 40 minutes. It's fucking good to go right like that.

There had to have been some positive things that brought them together. And precise measurements of time may have

been one of them. Yeah, she is exactly 40 minutes later,

Olmok may have driven her insane.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There we go. This is the fatal flaw.

This is the thing that we wanted to line up on but couldn't.

Yeah.

So exactly 40 minutes later, her and the kiddo are ready to go.

I'm gonna peek out the window again just before we actually get going to make sure that there's not, like, a posse on the way.

I heard peacock.

Like, what?

I'm gonna window.

I'm cooler than you, window.

What's up, window?

That guy in the reflection has nothing on me. You're the weird man standing the window there.

Guys, there's a guy floating outside. He looks amazing.

So James is a Chihuahua. Hey. Hey, you.

Hey, you.

Hey, guy.

Good.

My yard, my yard. My yard.

Anyway, sorry.

I'm going to purposefully look out the window. Okay.

Roll perception.

Oh, boy. That is a 16 world.

Your past.

Yep.

Wild. That's the worst you've done on perception twice.

I know. I wasted that. I wasted that nat20 on this awesome outfit.

Yeah, I wouldn't call it a waste. You look better than you have in months. Thank you.

Thank you.

Somehow that didn't feel like a compliment. Wait, hold on.

Wait, hold on. Months? We've only been on this trip for, like, two months.

I don't. We work together, man. I don't know what to tell you. What the man.

Anyway, I look out.

What do your elfis see there?

Is so true to the change of the guard, right? The Guard is no longer flowing into the Citadel. You're seeing guard flow out of the Citadel. You're seeing assumedly fresh men. No seniors, just freshmen coming back out of the Citadel. And you do see one of the tax collectors coming to the lobby.

Oh, we gotta go, we gotta go, we gotta go.

One of the tax dudes is heading to the building.

Okay, well, you see another tax guy not too far down.

Horses are ready in the parking garage, so we can kind of slip outside. Elliot's got the car started, so we just gotta go.

It's gonna roll, baby.

And horses are idling.

So if we really wanted to, I could maybe protect here. I could.

I could.

I clicked the wrong thing.

My apologies.

Anyway,

Where is Ms. Edama?

She's with us.

She's one of my generically silent.

Got it, got it, got it, got it.

She's a silent partner.

Anyway, I could maybe, like, turn your daughter invisible.

Okay.

Just to get her at least out of the building and away from prying.

Honestly, we're not 100% sure. Let's just get back to them that they're looking for. They could be looking for us.

Let's just get moving, and we can deal with things as they come. We might have caused this, but I think we are gonna try to leave out through the parking garage.

I agree with that.

Let's act like we're innocent until we are proven guilty.

Yes. Blend in until we can't.

I'm not good at this.

So with the. With the intent of blending in with a cowboy, are you sneaking out, or are you just trying to nonchalant out?

My inclination goes towards nonchalant, but, I mean, if we could avoid notice entirely, that's fantastic. But, like, I think blending in with. With the morning crowd of people going about their business is better for us than trying to stay out of sight. But I am willing to take feedback on that thought.

I agree, because to me, that would be less obvious than trying to stay.

We have a group of, like, 10 people now and seven horses.

Yeah.

Are you riding your horses out?

I think we would walk them out of the garage, but the plan would be to get on them as soon as we get out. Now, if there's a back exit of the garage that maybe exits into the road behind the main road, we should take that. Yes, but not in a, like, we're sneaking out way. Just say, everyone knows it's easier to go the back way kind of way.

We're heading to that side of town. We got to go around the block anyway.

No one wants to be on Main street during rush hour, so.

Yeah, when. I mean, I feel confident in assuming that after you get done yelling at your reflection in the window, you. I didn't do that.

No, I think James did. Peacock. Apparently,

he did smooth his hair back and, like, check himself out in the window, though.

Oh, for sure. That was. That's canon justice. They got that. Just that perfect tilt.

Hold on.

Just.

This is best Clint Eastwood impersonation.

There's guys out there, I feel fairly confident in saying. You would say that.

Right.

Let everybody know. And at that point, K says, all right. Yeah, there is. We can go out the back. Spits us into an alley. We can pop out the furthest side of this building from.

Let's do it.

The lobby.

Okay, let's go.

So she leads you guys. She's kind of doing the leading. She. She knows Cincinnati infinitely better.

I do think it is worthwhile to be riding our horses after the park, because then if we do need to break into a run. Yeah, we got it.

So who is K? Right here.

We will get out of town.

Not all.

Not me. So that'll end horribly for everyone.

I'm kind of gonna say maybe Elliot just is the most experienced Strider.

I'm not there now.

We. We got to.

We're in the parking.

We're in the parking garage.

The horses down.

I'm taking K. Yeah.

That was a question.

Sure.

That she offered you up for. Okay. K. KK Is with you. Okay. And kiddo is.

She could. K. Would not let her ride with Ola.

Sure.

She could ride with me though.

You perfect.

I've got Jacob.

Beautiful. So kids with Emery.

I'm still gonna head up the rear like I normally do.

That is partially so I can mage armor her if I need to.

Mage armor is potentially blinder.

I. I've also. By the way, I've got Jacob in like a Almost too large brimmed baseball cap to tight as well.

He's getting the LA saloon.

We found a nice bucket hat in there. Well, no.

I. Yeah. I don't know. I wanted something that made him like he blended in with everybody else. So maybe putting him in the oversized hoss hat was a bad place.

He's probably. I mean if he's in a cowboy hat too. They probably had another cowboy hat upstairs.

Maybe I just wanted something that covers Jacob's face.

Right. Yeah. We'll say they had like a good pair of shades here.

Sunglasses. It's good for your eyes.

Now, can you let Emily know if she starts to feel staticky. She might want to be ready for.

For some crazy shit going down.

I won't give her specifics because that's probably not a good idea. But she needs to be aware.

Magic. I have some magic. And sometimes it's not always predictable. But I always intend to use it for our protection as much as possible.

That's all.

No, that's a diplomatic statement.

I'm not gonna use it unless we need it. We're all gonna hope.

If everything goes smooth and we find Brad, then it won't be a worry. I just wanted you to be aware.

How did we survive from Colorado?

We don't know.

We are very good at sailing.

Anyway.

Let's go.

You're really hard to kill. I have been trying extremely hard to kill.

I've been trying.

You technically succeeded at least once.

Yeah.

It's just sheer dumb luck.

Severally. I was gonna say. Several of us have made death saves.

Mine was real early.

Elliot will tell Kay. Just grab me around the waist and hang on real tight. Don't kick the horse.

I would never. That makes him Go super quick, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's the scary button.

Yep. Yep. We don't. We don't need that yet.

No, I agree.

Oh, by the way, where are we going? Which way is Brad?

Brad is this way.

Okay. I'll go that way.

That's the other reason why it makes sense for K to ride with Elliot because Elliot usually leads us.

Yeah. Yeah.

And it takes. You know, you could tell this was

a

job location that's convenient because they are not very far from the interstate. There's a whole fucking spaghetti noodle nightmare of interstate interchanges right here. Right to the extent of. I am really glad I never have to have you. It's been most. But you could tell they live somewhere that's convenient to get on and off the interstate to get to work. So it's a. It's a. It takes a bit. You're going well up Highway 2127 to get to his job. Up a fair bit north probably. We're talking probably like a good 40.40minute horse ride to get up there.

And he walks us every day.

It's where he worked. Real convenient. In a car.

Does he at least ride a bike or something? Sometimes

they have adjusted work hours to make it, you know, manageable. He's not pulling a full 40 anymore.

Did they at least do shoe reimbursement? Because this must be crazy.

They pay. Okay.

But now as we're riding, like I want to make sure that we're keeping an eye out for these guys and see if we can kind of like. So if they were heading towards the. I don't want to stop and look necessarily, but see if we can tell before we get too far what's going on at the building and then at his office building. No, at the apartment.

Oh. The way you left, you can't see where they were. That's fine if we're talking like a rectangle here.

Yeah. Yeah.

There's an exit. Deuce. They were coming up.

Yep.

Here from the south.

Yeah.

But like you came out to north to the west.

Yeah.

Away from where you saw them coming.

All right.

Can't get any good idea.

But unfortunately there's just too many buildings to belay.

But keeping an eye out in general and doing our best to avoid where we can and blend in where we can't.

Perfect the blending is a little bit harder. Again, horses are. They're not common. But you're. Now that you're like kind of got your. Your head on a swivel a little bit. The majority of horses belong to the the guardsmen and the tax collectors, again, they're not. You know, this isn't New York City where horses are basically non existent. There is farms around, but you guys are having a hard time blending in just by the nature of having horses. But as you get further from the Citadel, as per the nature.

Right.

You are seeing fewer and fewer of the Imperials.

We were moving away from like the heart of the Citadel to the outskirts

of the C. And even if they have like a couple thousand, this is not a small city.

And she's taking us on the route that he would have walked home from work.

Yeah, yeah. So this is the most, as the crow flies, direct route.

Right.

And like I say, so about 40 minutes later, you come up to a decent sized office. Now, compared to downtown, this is a rather small building. It's like maybe three story, but it's got, you know, J and J Actuary services over the door. And she said this is where he worked. If you guys want to hang out, I will go in and see what I can find out.

Would you like company?

Even just one person?

Just somebody to go with you, Please.

Okay. Who would like to.

You know what? We'll let you decide. Who. Would you like to join you?

It's not a popularity contest. None of us are gonna be offended.

Says you.

I'll take Mel.

Okay. Thank you.

Yeah.

Weirdly excited.

Okay.

Nobody ever picks me.

We'll let you decide.

I'll kay, swing down off the horse. I'll give her an arm and she goes down.

So, yeah, the two of you head in. And this is. They got a cliche like reception desk right at the intro. Right at the entrance.

No, it's at the prologue

type of editing. The entrance to the building. There's, you know, not you, but business at the front desk, happy as can be. Then she, you know, recognizes Kay Malad, is sick, immediately says, have you heard from Red? And immediately K's like we were hoping you had.

Hi, Mel.

No, hi, Mel. I'm Jess.

Hi, Jess.

We went to lunch.

To lunch

two days ago. Two days ago? Yeah, two days ago.

Where did he go to lunch?

He didn't come back.

I look at K. Where did he usually eat lunch?

I mean, there's only so many options around here. Weird amount of stadiums in this town,

but a lot of places. I don't know. I was just hoping that maybe if he had a regular place we'd at least be able to track to that.

So I.

Or someone he frequently ate lunch with.

Did he have a lunch buddy?

He. He and Jake were supposed to go to lunch with.

Are you intentionally picking a lot of J names for this J and J Actuary.

That's fair.

I don't know why J's are my go to name.

Did Jake come back?

Jake? Brad left before Jake could join.

But Jake might know I'm not there.

But Jake.

Jake is very aware that you're not there.

No.

Wait. Is Jake in the office?

Yeah. You could go talk to him. He's up on third floor.

Of course he is. Day stairs.

Any one person would enjoy that.

Good.

Kay.

Let's go up the stairs.

Yeah. Kdoki. Get up there. Hey.

Kay.

You've heard the most traumatizing news of your current life.

Stairs.

Let's go upstairs.

Mel is completely ignorant of the concern that's happening. It's all uphill from him right now. Belle's like, okay, so he's not where we expected to be. What's the next plan? Like not. She's not putting together the probably dead thing.

So yeah, you get upstairs and she knows. Jake. Hi, Jake.

I'm Mel.

Hi, Mel. K. Where's Brad?

We were hoping you might have known where he went to lunch two days ago.

Well, we were supposed to go to Douch Mesh Indian restaurant. Real place. First restaurant I could find.

Okay.

D U S M E S H Douche Mesh. But like he bounced before. I don't know if he was just excited to get over there. Super hungry. What? He did very much enjoy their curry.

He was in a hurry to try the curry.

You're not there.

I'm not

so hard.

I know.

Normally we go across the tracks to Northside Yacht Club. Nowhere near anywhere I got.

But you said he left early.

Yeah, he bounced out a little early. Really? By the time I got to Deuce Mesh, he wasn't. Every now and again. He did like to. You know. I don't know. We. We're under a lot of stress. It's a really. It's a really.

Tell me about it.

What does that mean?

Oh, thank you. Not sure.

What? Mel still doesn't know what an actuator Mary is. She's like. She literally has doing.

Yeah. So stressful. I don't really understand your struggle.

That's really what she's trying to do. But she literally has no idea what this job is. I totally relate. I died twice.

Oh, shit.

Did I say that out loud?

Terribly sorry to hear that. Wow.

I haven't had real coffee in a while. And it shows.

Sorry, Wyatt.

Yeah.

You're the weakest you've ever been. I Think it's possible he just forgot. But yeah, he liked to go to Deucemesh, get his bolo curry with. They had particularly good naan. Take his little bowl of naan to go, and usually he'd go wander and check out Mount Storm park and hang out at their temple of love, which appears to be a very pretty park with a weird little fucking itty bitty temple thing. For reasons. Real place, very near and walkable from Dimash. And when I say little, we're talking like this thing appears to be about a five foot radius circle with Grecian pillars and a cute little cap on the top. For fucking reasons.

Because why not? Yeah, you do.

You Cincinnati.

Yeah, I'm sure it's a good reason.

Okay.

But. So, you know, I tried, you know, I wasn't gonna chase a guy down, but that's where he went. He never came back.

I don't understand. Hey, it's a park. You run in the park. Who doesn't run for. Never mind.

Oh, Belle almost became.

This guy is so portly.

Yeah.

He's a big boy who doesn't run for fun. And she looks at him. Never mind.

Now you will see he is definitely starting to appear a little deflated. Yeah, this dude was definitely portlier in the before times.

Mm.

But.

Well, thank you for your knowing what Brad does at work. What.

What time?

What is an actuary?

Ah, this is why you're weird. We explain this on a regular basis.

I literally don't know what you do.

Actuaries, according to Google.

Allegedly.

An actuary is a business professional who uses mathematics, statistics and financial theory to analyze, assess and manage the financial impact of risk and uncertainty.

Val blinks.

Oh, okay.

They are crucial in insurance and pension.

Oh, okay.

We set premiums.

Okay.

Okay.

And calculate reserves.

Okay.

And predict the financial consequences of future events like accidents, deaths, or natural disasters.

We picked the preference.

Or apocalypse disaster.

Did you predict this shit? No.

None of our models got this.

I bet not. Well, thank you for that.

Some people might call us right off

of Mel's risk manager. Absolutely. Like, no. The second like, we turn to walk away, Mel looks like. Okay. I still don't know what the fuck he does.

Some people call us risk managers or risk analysts, but.

Huh.

Or insurance mathematician.

Mel's got like a whole Shoots and Ladders thing happening in her brain right now where it's going in one ear and then doing a little loop de loop and falling out.

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

Yeah.

No, none of that stuck in Mel's brain. She literally has no idea.

We prided ourselves on our skills with financial consulting specifically so we would advise on investment strategies, mergers and acquisitions, particularly within the financial sector.

Well, that's fascinating, but we really did need to go track down Brad and the rest of the group's waiting for.

A lot of our services have been curtailed. Co opted by the Imperial.

Is that what we call them?

That's the best word we can think of. That's not big scary.

Guys, um, the followers of Savon Gadash.

His men, yeah, followers. A weird choice.

The Gnashers, The Ganachers. No, never mind, never mind. Thank you. It's been great meeting you and I hope you have a lovely day and don't be disappeared.

Thank you, K. Hope you get home tonight.

He's not sure if she's flirting or just weird.

Kaylee, You may want to grab some of his stuff out of his office while you're here. It's been two days. We never came back from lunch. We have to replace him or we can't meet our Imperial deadlines.

You might be dead. And you're firing him? Jesus.

Well, they fired him for us if he's dead.

Yeah.

So yeah, neither dead or fired. Tough day for Brad.

K. Should we swing by his office and see if there's anything that should be picked up?

Yeah. Yeah.

Well, good news, you can leave whenever you want. Bad news, you ain't got a job though.

Yeah, we should like, understandably Kay's not doing like hot right now.

Yeah, I'll like here, let's go. And I'll lead her out of the room.

Smack Jake's cup across the room real quick.

Oh, sorry. Just shatter his mug off his desk. It turned like it started that. She bumped it and then made bump. She did a reactionary punch and just

punched shy crust and threw it into the wall.

You've got that like hardcore caffeine jit.

Seriously though, if it's firing too well. Sorry, sorry. Like, honestly, please leave

his office.

Is that espresso was awesome this morning.

More espresso.

We've been drinking Folgers for like two weeks now. It's been bad. Okay, okay, sorry.

So you go to his.

I get three doors down or whatever.

Four doors down,

I think I was gonna say. I think that the main thing, unless there's something specific you want us to find. What Mel's actually going to look for is to see if there's anything in the jumbles of whatever the hell that description was that might. Might give a clue as to where he would have gone. Assuming he went willingly.

Does he keep a personal journal or

diary or is there something like here I took this amount of money from this person. I took this amount of. And then like the next person on the list is oh shit, my family. I'm leaving now. Like something that would imply that give me an investigate. I was afraid you were gonna say that.

Why that one?

Can she have advantage for Kaylee helping her? Kaylee's trying to figure out where the

hell's trying to figure out where he went to and she found out he might just be dead.

She also probably understands what's normal about his office way more than Mel would.

Sure. Theoretically we'll give you advantage.

Like Mel could loop her in pretty easily by asking a couple questions.

14.

So you do find a way a lot of like it's all handwritten now.

Right.

Because can't print some handmade data tables with just a glut of information that none of which really fucking tracks for you.

Right.

But you do see what is very clearly a list of addresses and very clearly a balance sheet. Like and it's either people owe or they're even. They don't owe anybody back. If that makes sense.

Yes.

So like nobody's got a credit here. Everybody's indebted. Right. I know accountants.

I said it wrong.

It's fucking backwards in account stupid.

If we have an accountant that listens to us. I'm shocked they survived this long.

Yeah, we just had a lot of

wrong things been specifically financial in a while.

It's true.

I bypassed money. But yeah there's. So there's definitely that. And obviously everything on this is now a couple days out of date. There's nothing in his inbox and will say that he did have a. I don't want to. It's not a journal. See, I went to the big but he's got like a daily calendar.

Yeah.

An in depth planner type.

Okay.

Halfway between a calendar and a journal planner. And in it you do see that he had very much written lunch with Jake. And he scribbled that out

and

he has written. LSG good. Not deep. He did not go to the park and drop ass

slide where he went

LSD time for drugs.

Does that mean anything to you?

No. This is weird. Brad keeps his

dates for one of Lord Savant Ganache. These puzzle games are really helping me.

I had just flipped to my page but I couldn't because I wasn't there. I know I was saying the same thing.

Just like Wait, wait. Lord like pastry dude. What was his name again? Pastry dude. Lord Savon. Cannot. Oh, shit. We should go.

Yes.

Yes. Ready to fuck up a town fight? Cincinnati.

You're not here.

We're the ones that burn the city

down, but, yeah, so he keeps his meetings. He doesn't.

He never changes his meetings unless he has to. Okay. Yeah, we should go. I don't know what we're going to do next. We'll let the brains of the operation, who's not me, figure that out, but we should.

She gives you a little pat on the back. You tried. You did well.

Good job.

You tried.

I did good.

The actuarial stuff. I've been married to one for years and I don't.

I don't know what he said. Like, whew.

He would vent his work to me on a regular and it's okay. Unless.

Yeah, no kidding.

You do that.

Made up math about nonsense things.

I actually, I'm going to take the addresses. Like the papers that we found.

Yeah, Yeah.

I don't know necessarily that there's anything useful about them, but I'm taking them anyway.

She definitely grabs. He's got like, cliche family pictures. She grabs that kind of stuff. He's got a. Got a potted plant that she just kind of sets out on like the cemetery's desk.

Here, water this.

Carrying this by horse.

Here, water this.

I 100% believe that she probably packed a bag for him in the apartment, too.

Yeah, absolutely. Yes. So she doesn't. She doesn't give up two shits about the paperwork. Whatever paperwork you grab is what you take. She's worried about his personal. He's got a really nice pen. You know, things like that.

Is it a quill?

It is not a quill, but it is a really nice fountain quilt.

I think that, like, Mel's thought is that if he had a meeting with the guy in charge, that if for some reason we have to pretend like we know what's going on, that this information might help us sound less dumb.

Fair.

Yeah.

If any of us understanding it.

Yes. I don't know what any of this means, but I thought it might be useful. And I did good. She said I did good.

Yeah. You're back. We're back. Down with you guys.

Good job.

Okay, so, I mean, based on that, it sounds like he may have been summoned for a meeting of some kind

with the head honcho,

so.

Or a representative.

How important can those numbers be?

I don't. I don't know what any of this means.

Had he ever been summoned before?

Kay, as far as I know, I feel like he would have said, hey,

that sounds like something you would tell

me about the biggest bad dude.

I hope. But could I flip through the rest of it and see if any other day says LSG on it at all?

Yeah, that might be a good idea.

You're just kind of flipping through the day planned.

Specifically the date that. That he wound up staying over a night to go to that date.

Specifically last time he was gone for a day.

Yeah.

Yeah, sure.

Give me. I guess it's an investigation.

Yeah.

Because you don't know when those days were.

He could ask Kay. Kay might know when the last time.

He's a very precise person. Of course she knows which dates he was.

Oh, she has.

She could probably. She could probably get it to us within a week.

Half the reason she.

Investigation.

Investigation.

Okay.

My apologies. That is a 23.

Okay. So you're seeing. There is. There is definitely a mix. A majority of. A majority of the times that he had to overnight were shit fucking broke loose.

Right.

He wasn't like whole cloth just flat out lying. But there's. We'll say there was like two other LSGs.

So it has happened.

We need to leave as soon as possible. I think he's in cahoots.

I don't know if it's my choice

in cahoots or being explored.

We have. So, I mean, there's two options in front of us.

Talking to Kate.

I mean, I'm talking to the crew.

Okay.

Including K. Yeah.

One is that we get out of town, get the two of you safe.

No.

The other is that potentially we jailbreak

Brad and his mind.

There's a much stronger risk that you and Emily will end up in significantly more danger if that's the way we go. Yeah.

Because I don't know if y' all saw the amount of that came out of that fucking building.

They have an army. Absolutely. I am not leaving without my husband.

Their manpower versus our manpower is like nightmare day.

What about Emily? What if we get Emily safely out

of here and then we come back and. Mountain rescue plan.

There you go.

That weirdly enough, that's the best option.

Is that.

I mean, what's the difference between breaking into that citadel or breaking into the one that's probably in Boston that's probably

10 times bigger that if we break into this one. Our chances of being alive long enough to break into the one in Boston are fairly slim.

Trial run.

I knew you were gonna say that. I didn't like it, but I knew

you were gonna say it. Are you willing to risk your life, your daughter's life and all of our lives. For your husband.

Daughters.

No, I absolutely think that breaking into that would risk her life. Yeah, unless you all have some cool magic that you didn't know you could do until a couple months ago. That could be handy.

It could put her on their radar and they'll follow her anywhere.

It's true. That is a real problem. Yep. Staying off their radar is definitely a problem.

If he's on their radar, you're on their radar. We're on their radar.

I've already checked the apartment. 1.

Hypothetically speaking, what if we sent you and Emily and Edna May to a nice countryside?

To the nearest farm upstate?

Yeah.

To the nearest town from here. We could go try to jailbreak out Brad and bring him to you. And then you can all be together somewhere else.

Live happily ever after, away from all this bullshit.

What would you do with Jacob in this situation?

Unfortunately, Jacob stays close to us because

that puts him in greater danger of being captured. Right.

We've left him behind a handful of times. If it has been necessary to keep the child safe.

Yes, but what happens if they end up going after Jacob and when none of us are there, like, it's all.

What happens if they decide to go after his daughter while none of us are there?

I mean, we've all established that's why

we're sending you all.

Get out of town.

Can you survive a sword fight with a knight personally?

Because we've done this before.

Are you going to be an asset or a liability?

Elevator.

Now who's the actuary?

Oh, so you know what these numbers mean? Emory, you're speaking actuary talk. I heard those words out of Jake's mouth.

No, but, like, truly, like, if we are thinking about breaking into this capital, like,

you guys could roll.

Are you capable of being helpful in that scenario?

Give somebody advantage.

We're going to give her advantage.

Give me advantage?

Yes.

You have the max.

Your role is ignored. Because I said that after you rolled.

Yep. Okay.

Wow. Really sucks. 15 with advance much?

I really wish we took my roll, but. Oh, well, that's fine.

Yeah. I don't know why you let me roll. I always fail on the charisma checks when they matter.

Seven year.

I know, but a plus seven. Eight isn't great. It's usually when I roll it at one

fight amongst ourselves.

I don't mean to be disrespectful, but, like, we've been traveling across the country and fighting creatures for months now, and you've been living a fairly normal life in the city.

No offense, but, yeah, we Have a hell of a lot more practice.

I'll go if Jacob comes with us.

Sure.

I mean, this is.

My thought is no. What?

Jacob has been kidnapped from the church. I understand there's a risk with him. Well, I also know Edna is clearly a recent addition to your party.

Yeah, she's hanging around because she doesn't know where else to go. And I don't know why she puts up with us.

Frankly, I need to know that you have a reason to follow through and come back to us.

What, you're gonna use the kid as collateral?

He's safer with us if we're safer.

Emily's not enough collateral.

You want to get me and Emily off to safety? You give zero fucks about my husband.

That's your assumption.

That's a logical conclusion to come to.

Okay. It's fine. Whatever. Sure. You know me.

So you could drop us at a place you've deemed safe and continue on your path.

What happens if Brad is involved in this somehow and is not being extorted, but is actually doing this voluntarily?

Then that's. I. I have. You don't know him. I have a really hard time believing that.

Don't. We're talking hypotheticals.

You'd be surprised on how persuasive these people can be.

He might. Well, no, he probably did read the

terms and conditions, the benefit of the doubt. But what do we do if he's in cahoots and he has. He's doing this on his own volition.

Zardy met with the guy several times.

If you have proof, then fine. But you gotta know.

All right.

I know you know the importance of making sure you've got the job done right. This is her father,

right?

Jacob to you want to go with them? I mean, I don't really want to take you into the Citadel, but I'm also afraid of other people doing. Jacob, do you want to go with them?

There's not a good option.

You're 100% right, kiddo. There's not a good option.

So you guys think there's a lot of risk that LSG works for Lord Rpatrix, who's connected to Lord Ashraphael?

You are really good at pronouncing these names.

Kind of important.

He actually puts effort into it.

They all want me dead. You learn their names pretty quickly. Or they want me not dead.

They don't want you.

They want me.

Want to brainwash you?

Yes.

Yeah, honestly. And you know, between you and Edna Mae, you're fairly capable.

It's true.

We would be leaving then. Kaylee. And Emily with some.

You could help.

A little bit of protection there you can help protect.

Yeah, that. I don't really want to go knock on the guy who wants to kidnap me. Store.

Good.

Good call. I don't want to do that either.

So we leave him with them. We give him one of the Rocky talkies.

Oh, yeah. Good. Yes. I forgot about this absolute.

Absolutely.

You guys are the adults. I'll go with your suggestion.

We know that it's.

You kept me safe this long.

I think it's not a bad idea. If we make it out of here, we're coming back anyway.

So, Elliot, thoughts?

If we don't come back in, like, two days, though, you all have to get somewhere else that's safe.

Two days.

Yeah.

I think two days is the absolute fucking max.

Agreed.

Because, Jacob, we know that we were trying to keep you behind in the past, and you got mildly upset about that, which was understandable. We think that you've seen enough and you've grown enough that we'll respect your wishes. We.

I think there's a difference between. Oh, shit, another building's haunted.

Yeah.

And, oh, we're gonna go knock on the big bad guy's front door.

Yeah, we. We would prefer. But we would prefer that you stayed safe. However, if you were adamant that you came with us, we would take you. That's the reason. But I personally would rather have you stay with Edna Mae and Kay and Emily while we did this. That's my preference.

How would we keep them safe if something.

Let's say, honestly, the only safe way is for us all to get out of here and never come back. But somebody, k. Has decided that she's gonna put all of our lives at risk, including her daughters, over a guy that may be in cahoots or could

be completely innocent and shouldn't die.

You're risking our lives.

Enough.

My husband.

Yes.

That's for her father, the man who raised her. I can't let my daughter think that her father is dead unless we know he's dead. Well.

Hey, K, can you go to the Citadel and knock on the door and ask them what may have happened to your husband?

I didn't ask you guys to do anything. You came to my door.

That's true.

You told me you're providing help.

Would you leave without your wife?

You're asking two people who've been through terrible divorces.

Yeah, but Mel doesn't actually know anybody who has. Mel doesn't know anybody in a healthy relationship.

Not a single one of you. Well, to be fair, Love each other. To be fair.

Do you think your dad.

Though I despise her, I am still trying to help her get out into a safe situation.

That's.

You want your daughter to have her mom. You've said that.

That's really what this is about. That has nothing to do with K. Do you think your mom would like. You're the only person I know who knows people in healthy relationships.

That's challenging. I think she would want to. But when capability does not match the situation at hand, sometimes you don't have an option.

And I've got five people sitting in front of me who are becoming literal folk legends who offered me.

So you put that together then, huh?

Super subtle with your corrections throughout my story.

I did punch a God, by the way. No one's talking about that.

I don't think anybody was there for this. Well, not even. I think it was just you.

I think it was literally just you and Uub.

Yeah. Yeah. Anyway.

Yeah.

So right now we want to. We're all gonna go out of town. We're gonna drop the four of you off. The five of us are gonna come back and go try to find out what happened to Brad. Is that what we're doing?

That's the plan.

Okay. Let's do it. Let's go. Because waiting around here is not making anything better.

Yep.

I don't think my parents would have even noticed my disappearance. So this is all weird.

Can stealth is the game?

You gotta be this quiet.

Yep.

Can we just go? Like, I don't know.

Can we leave town? Like if we start leaving town, like, what happened?

Have we ran into what we thought was the.

All K knows is there's rumors that they're trying to keep people in.

Well, let's hit.

So she hasn't experienced.

She hasn't like. Especially because she only has foot travel. That's fair. Like it'd be a couple day walk.

I mean, the worst code. We go to the gate and they say, no, you can't leave. Because I'm sure other people have said it. And we go.

Go.

Oh, okay. Darn. And turn around and figure out what we're gonna do then.

Okay, let's. Let's head to the nearest towns.

Cool. That's where we're gonna end. Theater of the Mind presents Retribution is Amanda Arson as Mel Kelly Jeremy Arson as Elliot Brandy Bain Michael Brunell as Olnock Vark or Johnson Michael Downs as James o' Neill Brian Casey Weingarten as Emory Lee and myself Mike Schock as your dungeon Master. The advertisement segment this week is another quick one. We are still continuing forward with the Wizards and Wine event, Palisade at Restoration Vineyard and our Barbs and Brews event in Fruita at the Fruita Tavern. Our next couple events are Whiz and wine on the 25th and Barbs and Bruise on the 2nd. Both events are increasing increasingly popular and our seating is limited, so snag your spot early. We release episodes every two weeks, so our next episode will drop on June 8th. As always, we have a promo code for both Pinecast, who we use to host our podcast, and Epidemic Sounds, where we get most of our music. The songs we use today, in order are Unsettling Mystery by Anna Dagger and Anna Ekstrom, the Thirst by Belladonna Strings, Grieg's Holberg Suite Opus 44 AIR as performed by the Odyssey Orchestra conducted by Eric Jacobson and Meridian by Luba Hillman. The Theatre of the Mind intro and outro were written by Mike Shaw. This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of our collective imagination or are used in a fictitious this manner. Any resemblance to actual events, places or people, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. But we. It was funny. We watched Mrs. Doubtfire last night. Fun. And it was so funny watching because that, that came out in the late 80s.

I feel like that one may not have aged well, better than I expect.

I mean, there's definitely some like really not so hot, you know, trans jokes.

Yeah.

But honestly, the bulk of the movie's really not terrible age wise.

Oh, honey, I'm so happy.

Yeah. But I was gonna say once you've seen the birdcage, so that just makes it funnier.

But there's a funny scene where they're trying to sell Pierce Brosnan is the super hot, you know, love interest dude. They got him shirtless on the, the diving board and like you're looking at it like that used to be like, holy, that dude is fit as. And he's kind of sort of got like a hint of a chest. He's just like, just like the dude.

He looks like the dude. Yeah, he's just like the average guy.

Like nowadays that would be Chris Hemsworth with 15 pack abs.

Yeah.

Yeah, but like you watch that, you're like awesome. Dudes on TV used to look like people.

People.

I was gonna say. But women have never been allowed. But women have never been allowed to look like people.

No, I had to look it up. Mrs. Doubtfire was 93.

Yeah, I remember when Mrs. Doubtfire came out because it was One of those ones that was like, weirdly, kids could watch it, but we did not understand what was happening.

There's. So it is a lot of fun to re. Watch as an adult to realize how much of the movie you didn't understand.

Oh, yeah, no, I did not follow that at all as a kid.

Like, those poor kids.

Wait a minute. When they came out, you were three. Okay. Yeah, it wouldn't have made a lot of sense.

No, it didn't.

She watched a movie about a dude dressing up.

Yeah, I watched a dude dressing.

We watched a movie about a man having a fucking breakdown.

Yeah, no, I watched a movie about a guy who was dressing up like a grandmother for some inexplicable adult reason. Like, that was literally all it was. Cool prosthetics.

Both of those parents are terrible parents, right? Oh, yeah. They both suck. Him particularly.

Yeah. I feel like that's maybe the part that might not have aged well is the whole premise behind the occurrences. I'm like, that doesn't feel okay.

No. Yeah. I'm not gonna lie. If I came home and my friend had rented a farm and put it in my house, and this wasn't the first time an incident of that level had occurred. Even if it was the first time, I'd be like, what the fuck?

What were you thinking?

Yeah, I would love to know the decision process. You went down to think this was acceptable.

Talk me through this thought process.

Yeah, but. And then the. Immediately after that, having a screaming match and getting demanding a divorce on your kid's birthday within 10ft of your kid, like, okay, yeah, you both suck. Like, you're both terrible parents. The only character in that whole fucking movie that makes sense is the judge. Now you. You nailed this, sir.

Yeah. And the judge is.

You're on it.

And I feel like the judge is over here going. Things I have to do.

The most believable part is it takes place in the 90s in San Francisco.

Yeah.

Yeah. This feels like a San Francisco.

This feels very much like a San Francisco problem.