S1:E56 – Here Come the cajuns

Theater of the Mind podcasts are intended for mature audiences. Listener discretion is advised. Content warnings can be found in the podcast. Description. Welcome to Theater of the Mind presents Retribution, episode 56. My name is Mike. I'm your dungeon master. And this week's question from the Ultimate RPG campfire card deck by James d' Amato is outside. The tools of your trade. What is a personal effect that you carry that means something to you? Where'd you get it?

My name is Amanda, and I'm playing Mel Kelly. I was trying to think of what tools of the trade she has. I mean, I guess it's like a yoga mat and some athletic tape. I don't know. But other than that, like, a month ago, she was phone, but that's changed. So that goes back to her lucky necklace that her dad gave her when.

She was a little kid.

So that's pretty much all she's got. As far as random.

You're supposed to be speaking Spanish.

Accrum.

I'm Jeremy. I played Elliot. Brandy Bing. Elliot has a slightly similar story. He has in his possession a harmonica that was. It's actually in my equipment list, and it was given to him by his father before he went over to Iraq. He can play it. He just doesn't, usually because he's tired and might not necessarily be good at it.

Well, anybody can play a harmonic.

I can make noise. I've known people. They could play that like they were songs.

All right.

Not just noise.

I can make noise on one.

All right.

I'm gonna stick with what came into my head first.

So all knock doesn't really have any tools to trade because all of those tools belong to the Navy, so he doesn't have those. But other thing that he carries with him is an old pocket watch.

That.

Nobody'S seen very close to their telephone, but it has a picture of his daughter in it.

And.

Yeah, I don't know. That's it.

Is that what he looks at for his nightly cry? Yeah.

He checks the time to make sure he's on schedule and then looks at the picture.

All right, here he goes. Check it in. We got five minutes. You got five minutes. Get it out right, like.

And that's why it's in the pocket watch.

I can stare at the time. Okay, you got five minutes. You gotta wait for the one then, too. Go right, like. You gotta uncute.

When you're like.

Y' all hear the moaning, you're just like, what the.

Is just.

You never knew what it was. You don't know what he's doing. He Sounds like he's like just wailing.

I, I, I, I don't know why. I love the fact that as players, we all know these things about Al, but our characters do not.

No, no.

Used to howl that brief time he was a werewolf.

He would howl.

We just thought it was left over from that, honestly.

Probably.

Yeah. I'm Downs and I played James o'. Brien. The person previously talking was Brunel.

He failed to introduce himself.

I did not introduce myself. Sorry about that. Yep.

He plays Ulnock.

Yeah, he plays Rocket Johnson. Yes.

I didn't want to interrupt. It was very important.

We had a moment.

Yeah, we had a moment.

That's okay.

I ruined the last moment we had. So it checks out.

It'll probably happen again. It's fine. Anyway, James, I mean, he has a large amount of knives. Definitely wouldn't get him through tsa. But as far as like tools outside of his trade that he has that are important to him is probably actually Elliot's shirts.

He says, son of a bitch.

You let me keep that. Honestly, Mel's taken a couple by now too, because Flame was really soft.

And Emery's stolen one because her clothes don't fit her anymore.

No wonder Elliot's only got two shirts left.

You only wore two shirts? It's not like you were gonna notice.

We took them out of the James stash of your flowers.

I've trained them so well, I keep losing them.

I just love the fact that Elliot didn't notice that suddenly everyone's wearing plaid.

We wouldn't notice. That's what's right.

But anyway, yeah, it would be Elliot's shirts because Elliot's like the first father figure type person who actually cared enough to yell at him.

Oh.

That'S sad.

But also, I get it.

Not all attention is good attention.

James hasn't figured that out yet?

Nope.

I'm Casey and I play Emory Lee. I think Emery has like a keychain or like a small figurine that's like pocket sized from her college girlfriend that she just kind of keeps with her as a luck charm.

Nice. Moritar cheeps everything that he's ever acquired in a vault.

Hoarder.

What?

Hoarder.

Hoarder Hoarder in the court order?

Yes, sure, something like that. But he doesn't really do this sentimental shit, so he's got a war chest. Gonna roll for recap.

On your person.

That's bullshit. I rolled a 9. 13, 10, 8.

I rolled whatever is going to not have me do 18.

I heard an 8. That's really close to 9.

And a 10 is really close to 9. There needs to be a roll off.

Fifteen. Eight.

Eight.

Eight.

Still eight.

All right. Last episode we started our epic plan to bank heist. First we got to. We we met up with the cool kid group the ckg to get them to help gather people. Because we figured that once we were wildly successful, we'd come out with all of the kidnapped people and say, city folk, this is what the terrible people are doing to you. So that's our hope. Anyway, so we asked them to round up the city folk. We went to the bank and we held it up. The two guards did not.

It was a heavy bank, but we held it.

The two guards did not put up a fight. Ashton seemed confused but gave us her keys anyway. And we fought a multiple round battle with Zefran Lullibear, who would not fucking stay dead.

I think we killed him like three times.

Three times. We did kill him.

Nel killed him twice and then somebody killed him once.

Yes, yes. He would not stay dead.

Jesus.

When we started attacking, he started taking off his clothes and he had these weird tattoos that would move around and come to life.

Background music changes that significantly.

Yes, yes. But they also saved his life. Anyway, we actually came out pretty well. But we did have to kill him three times. Emery exploded. And now neither Mel nor Emery can understand English or guard number two, welcome. Emery seems to be defaulting to Greek. Nobody knows what that's about and no one can identify it. But both Mel and Emerie are speaking Spanish to each other. We just hope it wears off.

Well, after all of this is done, whether we succeed or not.

So wish us once we.

Don'T be a startup. You feel that?

No. Estamos and el banco.

What?

We're in the bank.

I could have guessed that.

That was awesome.

We're not at the library, we're in the bank. It always bothered me that library was biblioteca, but librelia was bookstore. Sorry, I'm back.

Welcome back.

Hola. Como esta Senor Diem?

Bueno. Et tu?

That's French.

The other romance language in high school. So I have a flair. Dionysus. Awesome. So yeah, you guys find yourselves outside a very large door that you are.

Opening and it opens beautifully. Oh, and the vault is weirdly hot.

Yeah, that's right.

Yeah, it is quite warm that wawa noises coming out of the doors round very wide hallway.

So as you this the vault door would pull out, pull out one wheel, push in and as you do you hear a little bit of like that.

Airlocky like, oh, you've broken the seal.

And the first thing you notice is the floor in here is gorgeous. Oh, blue tile with gold accents. Turning like every five by five into a big square of tile with these gorgeous yellow gold accents in the corners. And as the door opens up, the way it opens, you kind of see into the corner. East, west corner.

Swest.

Yeah, you see into that corner first, just the way it opens. And you see five beds with one person each laying in them. And it's three by two. And in that last corner that they're kind of circling off, we're talking like up in the corner there. The beds are situated around a very large, a 25 foot diameter blue pretty circle with stars and circles and crescent moons patterned around throughout it. And trapezoid or pentagons rather.

Lots of golden ridge rainbows.

None of those.

No, none of those.

None of those.

Is this evoking the symbol we saw at the ceremony?

The name ceremony? Same flavor, different design. Dear God. And that thing is lit up blue. And the was very audible in here. You all can hear it and feel it in your teeth. Emory feels very uncomfy. And as the door finishes opening, you see on the opposing side of the vault a group of five beds, currently unoccupied, with a red. Identical in every way except for color circle. It's red instead of blue and it appears to just barely be faintly glowing.

I wonder if that one's being charged.

Yeah.

In the southerly quarters, you see the exact same. These two are identical. They're both red. Different styling, less intricate. And they appear more permanent. Like you see that they have put work into the floor. So there's actual rock, for want of a better word, a rock outcropping that they have laid into the floor. Stonework kind of encircling these two circles of red. Cool lineage. And directly in the center is an even bigger circle. This one is a literal, a circle of blue with a series of squares surrounding it. Each square is like 5 degrees offset the other, if that makes sense. So they're overlapping each other, creating a really cool starish pattern. Does that make sense? I see a lot of confused faces.

That makes sense.

I think I've got it in my head.

I think you said a circle, not a sphere.

It is a circle. It is laying on the floor. And this one also on the floor.

Okay.

This one also appears to have been built into the floor. It's got stonework around it. The one by the beds are just on the tile. There's no stonework. Around them. And then the thing that you will notice is standing in the blue circle, the biggest one directly in front of you. You see, There's no preposterous say so. I can read him. You see Florian, who you remember runs the laundromat. And you see Francois, who you remember as the stern man who was always at the door when you arrived. Oh, they don't appear particularly excited to see you, which is fair.

That's good.

We're going to go ahead and roll a nice initiative.

Yay.

You said some of the beds were occupied.

Five of them, yeah.

It's five people who are missing.

Right.

Oh, my God.

I missed.

Oh, God.

That went.

Oh, God.

Is it. And it's the five beds that are in the northwest.

It's right in the corner.

That are occupied.

Okay.

Oh, it's never eats on you. Yeah. What? I've gotten it wrong enough times. I have to do the grade school.

Never eat.

I never heard that before.

I've never heard it before either, but I understand where you're going with it.

Never eat how you Office. That's what I heard.

Ever eat how you. I mean, don't do that.

That's a new one. I've never heard that one. All right.

Also recommend against that nonsense. Piece of advice. Yeah.

Oh, I have advantage. Let's roll again.

Yeah, do that natural 20.

Nah, fuck.

It's one different and it's just slightly better.

Damn. Ulnock. What did you roll?

17. Not terrible, but it's not great.

James, 22. Emery nine iron nines.

Elliot, I don't know what. James all proud. 27.

Yep, that's one off of the best. I could roll.

I've got more room. I can do better.

All right.

Elliot, unsurprisingly, you're first.

I'm gonna use a bonus action to throw my hunter's mark onto Lori. Nah. Francois. Let's put it on Francois.

Perfect. He is 70ft from you, by the way. Lorien is 70ft from you as well. There's a five foot gap betwixt them.

I'm guessing Francois does not appear to be undead. Unfortunately, not yet.

That sucks.

Give it a minute.

We're gonna work on that. Actually. Yeah.

Yeah.

Roughly. About a minute.

Oh, yeah. You could see him. I guess I could show him.

All right, Here we go. Three shots. First shot's gonna miss. Second shot is gonna almost assuredly hit at 24.

Yes. That hits Francois.

That's going to be to hit last time.

10 plus 15 points of magical piercing damage.

15. 15. Okay.

And the last one's probably gonna miss 12.

Yeah, that misses.

That bonus action. Move my 101.

Not.

And then I'm going to fairness.

Wasn't James down four points?

Yes, I am.

Yes, he is.

Thank you.

I don't know why that reset you. Sorry, Elliot. One more time. What was that damage you gave him?

17 points. Good. Cuz I'm like. I moved my dice. Sorry. No worries.

No worries. Slowly loading.

Oh, no. Francois 2.

Yeah, don't worry.

Who's Francois 1.

Where is he?

Where's Francois? No one ever expects. Francois.

Francois. All right, This sec. I'm almost done loading their correct fun part about home brewing in a program that is definitely not intended to be homebrewed in.

Yes.

Sometimes you have to fix things you didn't expect them to fix. They almost made Florian way stronger.

Please don't do that.

Yeah, don't do that.

We didn't hit him with lightning. He shouldn't be bigger. Oh.

One time. One time. And we are permanent.

You can see him because it was terrifying.

I am not saying it was not work.

Oh, and I'm going to move to, like, left of the door.

Left of the door. All right, you do that. Just. Just in the doorway to the left.

Yeah.

Okay.

Just trying to clear the doorway for our patrons.

Yeah, I wish.

Cool.

And everything looks good on that side of things. Yay, James.

Yay.

There's a door open. You see two men, one of which looks less good than he did.

Cool.

One of which looks the same. Good as he did.

Not Cool. I would like to walk in and go to the right side of the door.

Okay, you can do that.

And I'm going to shoot Francois with a fighter.

I guess. Francois, swap.

Swap for a dirty 20.

Yeah, that'll hit.

Yay.

For nine points of fire damage.

Okay.

Of the magical variety.

Magical fire.

Yes, magical fire.

Magical fire. Huh?

I didn't like. I didn't like. You know, rub two sticks together, create a little fireball, and then chuck the stick. Take that.

You see it hit him. He's fine.

Oh, he didn't take anything.

Nothing.

Bastard.

His stern face where you hit him is now quite red.

I think I pissed him off.

Just where you hit him. Like red, not burn red.

Aha.

Like he absorbed my fire. Red.

Oh, nock. Fuck. There is a man with a very rosy cheek standing next to an unmarred man.

All right.

I hit him with fire and now he's blushing. I feel uncomfortable.

Um.

I'm in danger.

Okay, so we got. I can see both people. Are they both within my range? I Believe my range was 90ft.

Trust.

Okay.

They'Re at like 70. 75. Whatever. I said.

I don't know.

Let's see.

Let's see what happens to Francois.

Okay, go for Francois.

Going for twice. You know what?

Are you raging first?

Yes. Rage. Yes. Thank you. I would rage and then attack Francois. I should know that by now. I am. God damn it. Thank you. But yes, I'm gonna do what?

Emery, we're just gonna get a spinning sign right there. This says rage.

Just a blinking sign. Don't forget to rage. All right. Have the primary product of your character.

Yeah.

It's 10pm have you raged today?

Second one. You might have hit second one.

I might have 7 plus 9.

16.

Just.

Okay, well, the second one. The second one does not. It's 10.

No, not even a little bit.

All right, we're gonna go to the left side. Okay, I'm just gonna.

Nope, just caught six.

Thirteen.

Thirteen magical bludgeoning hammer damage.

Hammer time.

He takes 13 magical bludgeoning damage.

Does his head rock back a little bit?

It does. And when it comes back, he looks far different. You see, you could kind of see a little bit of a flappy bit maybe. Like he was wearing a mask.

Okay.

Oh, God.

Hanging out behind him. His face now is red.

Oh, God, it's the fucking red skull.

What the fuck is going on in this town?

Dude, he's got some gnarly orange pupiled eye or iris ties.

Oh, great.

He's wearing. It looks like a face wrap of Ching.

Okay, we have chain faced Obito from Naruto here. Okay, Check it out.

It's a little weird. Yeah, it's a weird thing to look at.

All right.

We fight zombies on a daily.

That's fair.

But I thought. I thought all the Cajuns were, you know, cages.

Maybe.

We just five minutes ago, we fought a guy who sent his tattoos to fight us.

But he was a person. He was still a dude. I don't know if this dude's dude.

We have to kill him three times.

We did have to kill him. All right, you know what? I'm still startled. I didn't know chainmail demon face over here was going to be a problem.

Yeah, we have to fight the fucking chainsaw.

You see Florian smile and his smile just keeps going. And like a. Like a. Like a. Let's say a latex mask. His. The sides of his mouth just start tearing as his smile just keeps going.

That guy has a mouth for dates.

And you see his teeth now are just kind of centered at the front of his mouth, very sharp and very mighty. And he stands tall. It stretches his back and two very large white wings burst through his shirt. What the fuck is that? And his ears, well, his ears fall off because of the mask bit. And instead of ears, he's got like, they almost look like fins. Some gnarly white long hair comes hanging down both sides of his head. Is the part that would really gross you out is you see his feet pop and lengthen. Not unlike what Allnak used to do.

Yeah, with my feet.

That's hard on shoes.

Yeah, it hurts like a bitch too, I'll tell ya.

And as he's growing and changing, the pants tear away. He's got one long white tail coming out of the pants. I gotta take that through.

12 year old.

Not you.

You're good.

Oh my God.

And he reaches behind him.

Is anybody else hearing this?

This is just fucking gnarly sword.

Ugh.

It is now more claw than hand.

Hands.

And he flies in your direction very quickly.

Can you drop the volume? Just that loud. Very loud.

I can barely hear you. But I like the idea. Yeah, better a little more.

That might have been a lot.

That might have been too much. But that's still good. We can hear everybody now.

I like that.

Okay. And he flies at you very quickly. Getting into melee with James.

I knew it.

I knew it. But he had to dash these.

Oh, thank God.

Now a white monster has approach James rather rapidly.

Mel looks at Francois and looks at Florian, or what used to be Florian and looks at James and says, establishment.

I don't. If you're asking me if I'm fine, no, I'm not.

She sighs and then goes up to Florian and starts trying to punch. Okay, That's a miss for two.

Yes.

17 hits for eight points of magical bludgeoning damage.

He takes eight points of magical bludgeoning damage.

Okay, so we're gonna start. Start off good here. Oh, that one's nice. That's 21 to hit.

Yep, that'll do it.

Four, five, eight more points of legending damage. And I'm gonna spend a key point to do one more.

How do you say them up in Spanish?

I don't know.

I don't know.

Well, it depends on where in where. Where what Spanish speaking country you're from. I would say to Hildus.

Okay.

And that's a miss on the flurry.

All right.

Emery.

Okay, I am going to. Am I like clustered with people by the door right now?

It's a big door. Yeah, it's a ten footer. And the first two moved out of the way so you can get through the door quite easily.

Okay. I just don't want to get in melee with Dude.

You can absolutely enter without getting a melee with dude.

Great. I'm not going to go too far. I'm going to stick, I think, behind Olnok.

Okay.

Like nearish to Olock. Maybe not like right next to him.

But you can do so be behind Ulnock without having to enter the vault. I do, cuz Ulnock just.

He didn't even go in, did he? Okay, well, in that case, I'm gonna go stick next to Elliot.

Okay.

And I'm going to lightning bolt at one. That's turning red.

One that's turning red. All right, Francois.

Francois.

And Francois makes a dexterity save. Correct.

Correct.

Is there anything fancy with him with the metal around his head?

No, He makes it.

Okay. That would be 28 total lightning damage. So he's only going to take 14.

I wish you still had your phone phone to take pictures of these things. But I guess we could just drag their bodies back out.

The phone app didn't. Or the picture app didn't work anymore.

Your main drummer is still up. It's eight hours, right?

Yeah.

Anything else? Okay. And as a. I don't know if I said this on camera.

I'm adding two.

Yep.

Every time I do not blow up.

This might get very.

I'm torn between getting very far away from memory and sticking close because we're the only two can understand each other.

Yeah, yeah, that might be a problem.

I'm always torn with that because on the one hand I'm very squishy. On the other hand, I don't want to blow up my friends.

It'll be really funny is if you do blow up and the both of you go fucking deaf again.

Yeah, well, at this point we may as well be deaf in Spanish, at.

Least we can understand each other.

That's true. That is help. We're not alone. Unless you start going into Greek again.

Emery. Cause Emery had to learn Spanish, so it's not instinctive for her to speak it. She understands you when you're speaking it. And when she remembers to say it in Spanish instead, she will.

My question is, how can.

My instinct is to speak in English and that comes out as Greek.

And how confused is Emery going? Like, I don't even know what I'm saying.

Very, so very confused. Fuse. Yeah, that's my turn.

So Francois dashes through the vault and is able to get within 10ft of Emory.

Oh, good.

Damn it.

But he had a dash to do. So. Elliot.

Elliot is gonna continue his attack on Francois.

Okay. He is now significantly closer.

I want to move. If I move deeper into the vault, will that put me further away from Francois? I went to the left.

You can accomplish that by going to the left? Yes. He came basically down center.

Okay. I'm going to move deeper into the vault.

Full 30.

Full 30.

Moving along the wall or towards the kits.

I am trying to keep as much distance as I can from Francois and the other guy.

Perfect.

Okay.

They're damn near equidistant now.

Nice. These are both going to land. Yeah.

I've got.

My lowest is 16. The other one is a lot higher than that.

Yes.

All right. For a total of 12. Another 12.

This is Francois.

Correct.

Francois. Okay, so 12. That's 24. Six. 30 points of magical piercing damage on Francois.

Nice.

All right. He doesn't like that very much at all.

Thank God you're not the cook.

Jimmy.

Sad. It will make me sad to kill.

Him in melee with you.

Yep.

Too close for missiles. Switching to guns.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Who does defect what he does. If that's up to him.

I'm gonna stab him with my sword of wounding.

Of ruining.

Of ruining. I'm going to ruin his face by stabbing it with a sword of wounding.

I mean, that's not inaccurate.

He's not in melee with anyone else, is he?

No.

Oh, sweet. So I get sneak attack. Assuming this works, that's a 19 to hit.

Yep. Sweet.

That's pretty good. 27 points of piercing. Magical piercing damage. Yeah.

You 27? Is that what you said?

Yeah, 27 points of magical piercing damage.

All right.

And now I'm up to a D4 for the necrotic on his turn.

Oh, wait, you counting? Gotcha.

And I would like to strategically disengage using my bonus action.

Hey, just a second. He's interrupting your turn as a reaction. God.

Bastard.

Where is it? There it is. Does a 17 hit you?

Mel just.

He is biting you for five piercing, plus three cold, for a total of eight damage.

That changes what I was planning on doing. I'm going to stay put, I guess.

Okay. Ice is gone forever.

Yay. Gone. Did it break a shit off or something?

Yep, the ground.

Oh, sorry.

So dramatic.

Beating me up over here.

Hold on. Quit beating up your teammate.

Yeah, knock it off, dick.

All right, so Florian bit Mel. Francois ran quickly.

I.

No, man. I'm going to stick with Francois, I think.

Okay. He's looking pretty rough.

Are they both kind of up?

It looks like they both look pretty. Not so hot.

They don't look pretty.

Sticking with French.

Yeah, we're going to stick with France.

They didn't look pretty. They didn't look pretty when they had human skin.

All right, double attack. Doing the thing. Go. So one's a crit.

Yeah, baby.

Which means I rolled plus.

Go ahead and give me that damage first.

Okay.

Okay.

You can just add both of those ones.

Double damage, right?

Double damage.

Double the roll.

Double the roll damage. And then add your modifier.

Okay. Okay, we're gonna go left. Dice is my one damage. So six plus six. 12 twice.

24.

Yeah.

12 squared. 12 times two is 24, not 12 squared. That's 145.

If we can do that, that'd be great.

So you rolled a six on your D8.

Yes.

That's double the 12 plus six.

Yes.

For 18.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, got it. I misunderstood. It's not bad.

No worries.

I like 12 square.

144 you1 shot.

Almost everything.

All right, go ahead and give me your second hit.

Oh, well, that was this one. Four plus. Yeah. Six.

What did you roll the hit?

Eleven.

Eleven plus nine, 20.

Okay. Four plus what?

Six, six, 10.

Describe what you do to Francois. Just do the Francois. Okay.

I didn't expect to kill him.

I don't think anyone else was expecting you to kill him.

So the first one obviously hits him and I, I, I, I. I don't know why, but I feel like, oh, that was a good one. And I get real excited and I throw it a little harder.

Oh, no.

And in old knock fashion, I'm going for the head.

Okay.

He's got metal on his face, and I want that metal on my hammer for some reason, I don't know why, but I do. So I'm gonna throw it, and I want it to, like, bury into his face but not take his head off.

Right?

Okay.

I'm just like boof. And just like kind of stick there for a second and it's gonna make this real weird noise. Like this kind of like when you, like when you pull something out of the mud. Right, like, right like. And it's going to come back to me and I'm going to have his chains, the chains from his face on my hammer. And I'm just going to be like, that was kind of cool.

Yeah, that was off the chain, man.

That was off the chain. We're going to make a necklace out of this shit.

We'll clean it first, all right?

No, no, it's not necessary.

Good. First attack misses from Florian is He attacking. He tried. James mist. He is going to claw James with eight slashing damage.

Okay. I will do the thingy that takes half of that uncanny dodge. Okay, that's still four, right?

Yes, but that is still four.

Cool.

Mel, it is your turn.

I'm gonna hit him.

You get advantage.

Oh, I forgot to give him.

Oh, yeah, give him his.

And he gets to do a concave. He takes four points of necrotic damage.

Okay.

And he has to to beat a DC15 concept.

Good. Oh, what 15?

Oh, you didn't do it.

Nope.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

On that dice is done for the me.

Hey, that's going to be a 23 to hit.

Yeah.

For seven points of damage. Okay, so after he bit Mel, she cussed a lot in whatever languages she knows. And she knows how to cuss in more languages than she speaks because obviously.

I don't know any of what she just said, but I know that it was from the heart.

Yep. So she picks up on this one, and he's got, like, the weird horny thing that you had described on top of his head. Yeah. So she just grabs a hold of the fins and, like, does head to knee. Like, so her knee was going up to meet the head and vice versa. To get a little more soft, she.

Buries his weird buck teeth in the back of his throat.

Yeah, something like that.

One of the teeth actually shoots at the back of his head.

I watched a questionable TV show that says that that equals the amount of force of getting hit by a Mack truck when done correctly.

Don't know, don't care. Mel was very satisfied because. Don't bite me. That hurts.

Yeah.

All right, Emery, you were sitting in a bank vault. There are two dead things on the floor, and there are some beds a fair clip away.

And we are still in initiative.

You are still in initiative.

Things we think are dead on the floor.

Can I move around the thing that's dead on the floor in front of me without stepping on any of the weird magic circles?

Oh, yeah. There's so much room between.

Okay, so I want to start heading towards the beds near the back.

All right, Dash. No, just a 30 foot movement.

Yes.

So I'll give you an idea here to help get the scale of this vault. Vault's huge. You have each big square with the gold accents is a 5x5. Okay. You have four deep, four to the back wall.

Okay.

From the vault door, and it is six total wide.

So it's 20 by 35 foot squares. Yes.

Okay, 20 by 35 foot squares. So you can multiply that by five to get the footage. So 100 by.

You said the fight the gold squares were five by five.

Five squares. Five five foot squares. They're five squares.

Oh, sorry. You said the gold squares were five by five and I thought you said it meant they were five by five.

That is also what I heard.

So they are five five foot squares. Make a big square.

Okay?

This is a big fucking vault.

It's a big ass vault. So you could very easily perform this without stepping. Not a magic square.

Great. I am not going to dash because I don't want to get that far away from my friends there.

Hey there Internet folks, it's Mike the dm. I just wanted to cut in here real quick and let you know that we are continuing onward with our Wizards and Wine events at Retribution Vineyards. We are still consistently running out of seeds, so if you or someone you know is interested, please come join us. Interested in playing D and D but not sure how? We will be hosting another Learn to Play event at Board Fox Games on Main street in Grand Junction. Tickets will be available soon on their website, so keep your eyes peeled. This is a two day event taking place a week apart in January. Dates will be be posted shortly. Are you a fan of D and D but confident that wine just ain't your thang? Well, we have partnered with some new friends out at the Fruita Tavern in Fruita, Colorado to host our Brews and Barbarians event. If you love what we do at Wizards and Wine, you can join us here and have a totally different experience. We have plans in the hopper to ensure that the two vents are distinctly enjoyable experience experiences. Those events will be every Tuesday, starting on the first Tuesday of 2026. Tickets will be available at our own website soon, so stay tuned. For those of you who listen to us on Spotify, it's officially Spotify wrapped season. If we manage to make it into your top five, please send us a screenshot. We will share it on our social media and give you a shout out. And if you're not on Spotify, Appa Choice does something similar. Please also share that with us as well. It's genuinely been kind of interesting to see what podcasts we end up alongside, but as always, thank you for listening. Here's the rest of the show. So 30 puts you damn near in line with Elliot. Okay, 35ft apart, that makes sense. Okay, he's moving along the wall. You're moving in at an angle. So there's a 35 foot.

Okay.

Betwixt. Yeah.

Cool.

You have an action Bonus action.

I am going to hold an action. If something tries to attack me again, I'm going to frostbite it. Perfect.

That makes sense. You all hear the get way. The louder you see the magic. A magic circle by the bed that was already blue and lit up get way the fuck brighter. You see the people on the beds start squirming. And as that brightness increases, the big ass circle in the middle that Francois and Florian were standing on lights up real bright. And then you see Leroy and Maxine and Edward standing on the circle.

Oh, good. It's a teleportation circle.

And I forget which one is Edward.

Edward. He was the diner.

Got it.

I think.

A.

Laroi. That's not spelled, roy. That's laroi larar.

That's a. That's a french dinosaur. One of those things from Jurisisi Paris.

Yeah, Jurisdict. That's Leroy's turn. Maxine is concerned about how the are going. She sees two of her good friends laying on the floor quite bloody, not looking too hot. And you see her start to undertake a very similar transformation that the white goblin man undertook. Except it's of a significantly darker persuasion. Instead of two. Two finish ears, she's got one big fin down the center of her head and two gnarly like demon horn looking things coming out the side of her where her ears should be. Same wings, same long tail, same up feet. And she is also pretty. She is gonna get just outside of melee with Mel because she sees her two dead friends near you guys, but she has to dash to do so.

No.

After watching one of these transformations, it was terrifying afterwards. I mean, it's still not great that she's on her way over here. But the transformation was. Was significantly less terrifying.

I'm not nearly as impressed as the first time. She was like, ah, whatever. We've already done this before.

Like, yes, get through your Sailor Moon transformation. Let's go.

Skip the cutscene.

Skip.

Cut scene. Yeah.

The text is so small. That's not gonna help. Thank you.

Maybe the angle would help.

I appreciate it.

Edouard raises his hand and he is also not too stoked that he's got two dead friends near Mel and James. So does a 17 hit James. All right.

Oh, you speak Spanish.

Why am I in Spanish?

You're gonna take 10 points of fire damage.

I'mma take.

As a beam of fire erupts out of his palm.

Ow.

Nailing you hot, hot, hot, hot, hot.

With his first attack. Okay, fine.

Your.

Your transformation was cool. Okay, stop it.

Mel, does a 14 hit you?

No.

A Second ray rips near you. Just missing.

I think that would set off my held action.

Okay.

Because they attacked.

They did attack. Didn't attack you. But that. Go for it.

I said us go for.

Is a constitution save on his part on Edward.

Yes, Edward.

As long as he's within 60ft of me.

You ever watch that Anime fair?

Yes.

I love the storyline of the.

That almost definitely fails that with a nine.

Yes. He's going to take six cold damage.

Okay, nice.

And he has disadvantage on his next weapon attack. I will try to remember that.

I appreciate that because I will try but probably fail.

I'm sure some of them.

And with that, we're back to the top of our order. Elliot.

Elliot is going to use his bonus action to move Hunter's mark to Leroy.

Okay.

And then he is going to fire all he's got at Leroy. He's going to take a gamble and he's going to sharpshooter both of these shots.

All right.

One of them is going to miss. One of them is or going to be a 16 adjust. All right. For the 16 he's going to have 8 plus 15, 23 points of magical piercing damage. And then that one was going to miss no matter what.

Yes, that's fair.

Anything else?

He's going to continue moving. Moving towards the people in the beds.

Moving in that direction now. Away from the wall.

Yep.

Okay. Do you want to be close to Emory? Five foot gap.

I do want to be gapped from Emory.

Okay, do a five foot gap between you and Emery. All right, James.

All right.

Maxine is moving quickly in your direction. Eduard just shot you with some fire.

Yeah.

How big of a gap is there between Mel and Maxine?

They are a five foot gap. They are not in melee but just.

Okay. I would like to get into melee with Maxine to block from Mel.

Okay.

I'd like to stab her in the face. Maxine in the face, not Mel.

Try.

Sorry, Mal.

I said thank you for clarifying.

Aha. Oops. Wrong one. I mean I'm pretty sure 25 hits it do.

Okay, cool. She's hardy, but she ain't that hardy.

For max damage of 11 points of of magical piercy damage in the fuss noice. Now she's got a D4.

Anything else?

Glare at her.

Okay, that's a free action. All right, hold on. You are still not in the vault.

I need to move into the vault.

Cannot see Maxine just due to angle. But if you move literally five feet you can see her. Or you could enter the vault and see everybody.

Join us in the vault.

I would like to enter the vault because I didn't realize I was outside of it.

Okay. How into it do you want to get? She's 10ft. You're in melee. Okay. You don't have to be in melee. There's plenty of room to maneuver around. If you go straight into melee, though, you are now between her and Mel. Let's do you knocking Mel off. I want to do that. Okay.

Because that protects Mel, hopefully.

Yes.

Okay. And I'm going to double attack.

Get.

Go.

Not good. So. Nope. No, because that's a 2 plus 9 and a 3 plus 9. I'm gonna go with no.

Yeah, yeah.

No. So I just come in and I whiff.

Whiff.

Like you haven't swung your hammer in a while.

Should have stayed back and fucking threw it. What was I thinking? God damn it.

You're our damage soak. I need to be.

Yeah, I need to be close.

Mel, Seeing that you're being so chivalrous. Mel's going after Roy.

Clearly not motivated by anything.

45. Jesus.

Mel's like, oh, you guys got this. Okay. She's going after me.

Yeah. I'll knock and I got 45. Gets you a five foot gap between you and Leroy.

I'm gonna burn a Koop point so that I can dash.

Okay, you are in melee. Do you want to just be in melee with Laroi or do you want to be in melee with Laroi and Edouard?

I really just want to be in melee with one person at a time. If I can swing that.

Absolutely, you can position yourself to do so. I won't promise I'll allow that to stay that way.

Mel is a one dance partner. Kind of g.

The first one misses.

Cool. All right, chuckles.

Seventeen hits for five points of bludgeoning damage.

Okay.

Okay.

Does bluray still look like blueberry or has he started changing into whatever now.

That he's been punched, it hit a couple times. He's starting to turn red. And you see you up close. You can see some of the chain.

Oh, excuse. Another one of those. Okay.

Ooh.

That is going to be a 25 to hit. You know, that'll do it for eight points of damage. And this one is like a full on taekwondo kick to the head.

There you go. Okay.

I'd like to think it sparks off the chains.

I don't really care. I just like the idea of being flexible enough to actually kick someone in the head. It's really hard to do when you're short.

Nice. All right, Mel. Anything else? Kind of Covers everything.

Just going to growl at him.

No, she's not. She's spanish.

You hear a little flamenco guitar that.

Sounds, you know, rolling the R's for.

That kind of roar.

Sends a whole different mix.

It really does. Yeah.

Emory.

I feel like she muzzle spots.

Can I line up Leroy and Edward in a line without catching Mel in it?

They can absolutely be lined up. How much move is that, too?

Yes.

It would require 15 foot movement in the opposite direction of what you were doing, but you can do. So now I'm gonna go on a limb and assume you're doing a lightning bolt. I am shocking good at this game.

Almost like shock is a master of lightning.

Lightning spel. Deck save is a something. Thirteen.

One sec.

Okay, one moment, please.

Fails.

Okay. Laroi fails. Edward is to.

They're going to take 37 lightning damage.

Good shot.

Yeah.

It takes how much? Sorry?

37.

All right, nice shot.

Doing double numbers. How many you at now?

Now?

Seven.

Oh, wow. Already back up to seven.

Jesus. Mel has that moment where she, like, feels the electricity and then looks at Mel and goes.

Anything else?

I'm going to move that 15ft back.

Okay.

I just really wanted to light them up.

You know what? That's fair. Yeah.

No matter what happens, you have to let the ladies have Leroy.

This shit's personal, right? Like, yeah.

By all means.

Gonna take care of Maxine. Perfect.

Yeah, we'll take care of tall, dark.

I mean, hopefully.

I gotta roll. Little better.

It's okay.

You're in melee right now.

Yeah, I. I can. I can still get quite a bit of damage.

Yeah.

This way I can stab her with. I get four D6s off of that thing.

Seventeen hit mel.

Yes.

All right, That is 11 slashing damage to you as he just gives up on his disguise at this point and he throws his hand forward and chains just erupt off his arm. See, it's just gnarly barbs all running along them. It slides past, cutting just the fuck out of your cheek deep.

Is it at least the other side so I can have mouth cheek scars later?

No, I got these scars.

I mean, I guess we can just keep scarring the same cheek over again. I mean, that's cool, too.

And I guess you're a fan of.

The opera at that point to make.

A.

I think.

You'Re grappled. You are grappled. You don't do anything you can do with something on your turn. You have been grappled by these chains. So it slashes past you, cuts you deep, comes back and wraps tight around You. You can feel the barbs just cutting into you. You are currently under the grappled condition. That's his first attack. His second attack, his other hand launches out a bar, but with an add 20. 12 damage this time. Oh, no, it's not. That's that. Sorry.

Take average. That's cool.

I gave you average. I got. I got to do a little bit more. 16 plus 4 is 20 damage. That's how that should work. Take 20.

Okay. Please don't change your mind again. This is just going to.

And if it wasn't for the fact that you were already grappled, you would grapple. But you are already grappled, so he does not grapple. Grapple you. Do I have your health correct on the screen?

Yes. Okay.

Maxine has got two handsome young men in melee with her.

And she also takes four points of necrotic damage from sword of wounded.

And she makes a conveyor.

Yes. I think the con save might be at the end of her turn.

I'm checking. I'm just gonna roll it now because it doesn't impact anything on the timing. 12. So fails, I believe.

Yes, it fails. Has to beat a 15.

All right, this is gonna hurt somebody.

Wait, I lied. You cannot have my own. I only have 20.

Oh, sweet. Okay.

In case anybody wonders, we don't cheat here.

All right, so cheating at D and.

D is boring as olnock.

Does a 12 hit?

I don't believe so, but let me double check. No, no.

Yeah, this definitely doesn't. How about a 13 also no. Okay.

You and I have the same armor class.

That's crazy.

I know. My armor class is not good.

All right, well, she doesn't do shit. She slashes a couple swords that she pulls out from behind her and she bites at the air.

How'd you. Missing a bite. I know. I'm talking shit.

Yeah.

Bob and weaved.

Bob and I weaved.

And you suck. Who did you give this advantage to?

Edward.

Okay, okay. Edward has disadvantage on what again?

His next attack roll.

Next attack roll.

That have been real helpful.

If he's on the right, all attacks are just melee or anything.

This is his next attack roll.

Perfect.

Next weapon attack roll.

Weapon attack. Okay, then he does not have disadvantage because he is going to move a little bit and shoot a fire ray again because that worked well last time. First at mel with a 17 to hit Mel.

Yes.

For 10 fire damage. And you hit his boss.

Oh, no.

He doesn't like it when people hit his boss because he likes his boss. So he's gonna cast Another fire ray at you for a crit.

Ah, fuck.

God damn it.

Which will drop you because it's 10. And I'm not gonna figure out the mask because it just drops him. Is here. Yeah.

Me. Oh, drops me. Sorry. I thought it dropped him. No, I got confused.

I have you go see for a little while from the fire outs.

That's fire.

Okay.

I was very confused. I'm like, okay. Why are you looking at me?

Doesn't care.

I'm sorry.

I don't understand.

I don't understand. No blowing blaze, no Indian, no nada. Mel is having a really fucked up dream right now.

I thought she was a little more committed to this, but fucking everyone. Elliot, Mel's down, and she's a fair clip.

I don't even think I'm down. I think I'm just unconscious. Wrapping.

Well, I know you're down because you're not talking.

She's 40ft from you.

Yeah. Speedy Gonzalez is currently quiet.

You know what?

I've got my hunter's mark on Leroy. I'm going to continue my attack on the Roy.

Okay. The American K, not the Spanish can understand.

I'm going to. I'm gonna do it. I shouldn't. I'm gonna sharpshooter both of them.

Yes.

One of those is gonna hit. The other one is not. 21 to hit.

Yeah.

8, 9, 15. 24 points of magical piercing damage on Leroy.

Okay.

I did 37 lightning damage.

Oh, yeah. No, she's.

Like, God damn. We only hit that twice.

All right.

Okay.

He's getting lit the upper.

We hit him a couple of times, and there was some big ouches.

So Mel gets hit in the background, and she's beginning to crumple to the ground when Elliot grabs and he releases the first arrow, and it is in flight and it's doing the flex bend through the air as he puts the second one in behind it and draws it and lets it go. So he's got both of them in the air at the time.

Same.

Same time. The first one in the front passes into the skull and kind of makes this crunching noise and it drops. And as he drops. That's why the second one missed as it passed over the spot that he was nice. That's kind of freaking cool. And then he's going to use his bonus action because he still has it. And he is going to slam that son of a onto Edward and say, you're next, Edward.

Edward Bows is a free action. James, somebody tried to hit you with the swords.

Yep. I'm going to Continue stabbing her in the face.

Okay. Perfect. Okay.

That is a 17 to hit.

Yes.

Sneak attack.

Yarp.

Cause there is a large and in charge full knock next to me.

For.

18 points of magical piercing damage.

Okay.

Damn. Get a big ass sword. Just anime something out of reach.

Yeah.

And now we're up to two.

Cool. Anything else? Okay. Unlock. Tried to bite you.

She missed. But still don't like it.

Quite quite possibly the ugliest woman you've ever seen. That's. Yeah.

Oh. First date. No teeth.

Yeah. I'm gonna double attack.

Okay.

Come on, baby. Come on. Come on. Those are gonna hit. I think I got 18 plus 9 and a 12 plus 9.

Yes.

So let's go with the first one.

No whammies.

No whammies.

Stop.

Not great. Three plus six. Nine.

Okay.

Second attack.

The second one. Five plus nine. Fourteen.

Okay.

Wait. Sorry. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. That's backwards bath.

Sorry.

Sorry. Let's start that over. Three plus six would be nine.

Okay.

Five plus six would be 11.

Yes. So she gets three healing.

What?

Oh. Got it.

Oh.

Okay.

Cuz. Yeah.

My damage was off. Okay. I used the wrong modifier.

My betcha feels a little bit better.

Yeah.

It hurt a little less than she thought it did. She said.

Ouch.

Wait.

And now.

And it's gone forever. I don't know why I'm looking over here. There's no chance of hell. It went up over here.

All right. You don't mind throwing that into the chat so our friends at home can follow us along.

Yay.

Sorry. That was a terrible throw.

It attacked my bag memory.

Are you on chat.

Because. Because the moderator was snoozing.

Let it slide this time.

It's okay. Clay did it last time.

I am going to use two sorcery points to quicken spell so that I can cast true strike as a bonus action.

Okay.

Which gives me advantage on my next spell. Attack roll. And I'm going to cast Chaos Bolts at a second level at Edward.

Okay. You attack him. Sorry. You gave yourself advantage. Down.

Still did not roll. Great.

Does a 12 hit is a nose. Oh. 12. No.

Bummer. All right.

Okay.

Still say damn.

Hi.

Okay.

Leroy is not doing anything.

Yay.

At this point. You see. Again.

Could. Could I have moved forward also?

Yeah. Full 30 again. Towards the people.

Yes. I forgot about movement. I was busy being disappointed.

Ten gets you to the closest bed.

Okay.

Do you just want to stop there? Do you want to.

Yeah. Is there someone in this bed?

Yeah. All five beds on this side are occup.

Okay.

One of them looks Elderly.

Okay, Bed.

So it was two and then three.

Yes.

Elderly.

Okay, which bed am I at?

This one. Okay, Sorry.

Okay, I have questions about, like, is the person in the bed, like, chained to it? Are they secured to it? Are they unconscious?

They are clearly unconscious. There's like a shimmer going on.

Okay. There was a magic circle around the beds.

The beds right here.

Huh.

Circle in the center of this. And that circle is also glowing.

Yeah. Violence.

Okay.

Getting bluer. Okay. You feel the least good you felt since you've been here.

Is there any, like, lines going from the circle to the beds?

Not obvious. Not like power lines or anything pipey or anything like that.

I'm trying to look for a way to, like, disconnect this person from whatever spell.

You're not seeing anything.

Disconnect the Bluetooth.

Gotcha.

Well, in that case, that will be the animator.

Okay.

She can't understand me. Not much else I can do with it right now.

Awesome. So now that you're there and you see that the violently blue circle. Violently blues more. And you see up close and personal, now you're looking at. You're looking at a young lady. Okay. And you see, as this circle gets brighter, the hum gets brighter. You feel all hella weird. The body starts to, like, writhe as if in pain on the bed. And you can see it's almost like they're being dehydrated. Just a little sunken. And as this is happening, the circle that Mel is laying upon and Edward is standing upon lights up again. And you're joined by Clement.

Ah, reinforcements.

And Bonaventure.

How many damn people are there?

How many Cajuns were there?

I forgot. I wasn't really paying attention. I just ate food and talked.

And that's Clement's turn.

I was counting.

I believe that's the last of them.

Maxine takes four points of necrotic damage. Okay, I rolled a three and a one.

She makes a saving throw of the.

Of the con.

For a net 20. She is no longer taking those. And she isn't entirely sure how you're doing this. Well, I think as described, she's literally bleeding. Okay. Yeah.

It's a short of wounding, so. Yeah, it would be.

That's by a thousand paper cuts.

It's a cardboard cut, that's why.

Oh, God.

They don't heal right.

Yeah, I'm just running around with a cardboard sword. Yeah. I gotta wait for a second.

So bad.

Does a 23 hit you, James?

Yes, yes.

Okay, you're gonna take six slashing damage. Does a 16 hit you, James.

Yes, it does.

You are going to take six slashing.

Damage that I'll take the full because I could only lose my reaction.

Where'd you go?

I'm dying.

And olmac.

Yeah.

Does a 16 hit you?

Yeah.

You're going to take eight points of piercing damage as the two having forms over here and nine acid.

Oh, great.

Also happy.

The only thing that doesn't have psychic.

Yeah.

So.

And she is going to both, right? Yeah.

Okay.

So totally.

It's only.

She is going to risk and fly 40ft away from you guys.

So do I get an opportunity attack?

Yes, you do.

Just one attack.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Get shit on night. I'm sorry, Duo.

Describe it.

Oh, nice.

Hell yes.

What are you using?

I'm using a. Just a basic sword.

Okay.

Do you want to go high?

I go low.

Sure.

Fuck yeah, dude. So you're going to decapitate the shit out of her? I'm going to take her legs to the other side of the fucking room.

So as she like tries to fly away, I'm going to grab a hold of her fin. Just go like. Where you going? And just slice across the back of her neck just straight.

And I'm going to straight baseball swing with everything I have to the middle of her torso. Trying to hit her in the hip. And it's going to send it to the other wolf.

And then I'll check the head up too for you to shake it with.

The back like clang. Get on.

Oh, no.

A little help would be.

We had a team finisher.

I just need to be stabilized and then I can heal myself.

This is actually quite convenient.

Well, and conscious.

I gotta wait for my turn to do that though, right?

Stabilize to conscious. One hit point.

So stabilizer.

Yes. Okay. Yeah. You can't stabilize her from across the vault.

Okay.

I can use a my. I can.

You're doing okay.

I'll chuck my med cat out of her. Just like take this.

You do two more points of legendary damage.

I broke her nose again.

You know, whatever you get. I want to say no rush, but there's kind of a rush. Yeah, there's kind of a rush.

Now Edward. Edward III is real mad right now that his boss man's dead and his wife.

Boss man and wife, right?

No, lady.

What was lady?

Was the innkeeper.

I thought that was. I thought her name. Oh, that's why. Got it, got it, got it, got it, got it, got it.

Okay.

I'm sure she knows something.

She's Ladybug.

She may not have even noticed her husband was Steven.

I'm pretty sure even if he wasn't a demon, he was a demon.

Elliot does a 15 plus 7 hit. Yeah, that is 10 fire damage.

From.

The first fire ray that Adaward shoots out. Elliot does an 18 plus hit.

Yes.

That is another 10 fire damage.

Son of a. I'm an old man. Leave me alone.

Edward. He lets his disguise drop. And now I want you guys to pause for a second and picture a devil with wings. That's Edward. Red, red, almost cartoonishly red skin, big dragonish bat wings. Long tail with the barbed bit at the end. As he changes, he just lets fire erupt around him, melting away his old appearance.

That was a cool transition.

Black hair, that's kind of cool. Red, almost elvish ears coming to a point. Okay. Cliche horns coming out of the forehead armor like you've never seen. Borderline. Almost got like a Mongolian.

Ah.

Holding this. Just gnarly looking. You assume it's maybe a spear. It looks barbed and pointed at the end. And he is marching towards Elliot.

You got that?

I'll him up. I got him. Don't even worry about it, bro. You go get whoever you need to get.

Okay?

Bonaventure, seeing that apparently forgot about him. We don't care about appearances anymore. Does the same damn near identical transformation, turning into a slightly bigger, beefier version of Eduardoard.

See, once again, it's like the second transition.

I'm not even impressed. I don't even. I feel nothing.

Yeah, me neither.

Jinx does a 13 plus 7 dirty 20 hit.

Yeah.

Okay, I need you to take 10 fire damage.

Okay, I'm gonna take five. Oh, wait, no. It hasn't been my turn. Wrong, buddy. I guess I'm taking turn. If I take another. If I take two more of those, then I'm gonna have to take a 10.

I think you gave that to Elliot.

I did. Sorry. Elliot, here's 10 health back.

Thank you.

Welcome, James.

There you go.

Thank you. That is super duper cocked. James does a 16 plus 7 hit.

Yes.

Okay, I need you to take 10 fire damage, please.

I'm a ginger. This fire damage hurts.

Only this fair name. And Bonaventure starts marching towards James.

Leave my friends alone.

Elliot, Edward is marching towards you after cooking you.

How far away from me is he and how far away is Mel from me?

He is 20. Mel is 45. She's betwixt the two of you.

All right, I'm gonna have to. He's already got. He's always wearing. He's all red tea wearing my hunter's mark. I I took. I roll. Concentration saves on both of those.

Thank you.

Hunter's mark is still up and he is going to draw back.

I feel safe in assuming it's Edward.

Edward. Yep. He's going to do the showdown. Clint Eastwood squint and fire twice.

He all of a sudden magically get a cigar in his mouth too?

Yes.

Hell yeah.

The one definitely misses the second one. 17 to his.

Edward.

Yeah.

Edward's got shiny armor. Ah.

And then I'm going to. If I can, I would like to make a 30 foot lateral movement.

Lateral up. Just where do you want to go?

He's coming to me. I want to go either my right or my left. I'm just trying to create space.

Okay. So then left will get you further from him.

Yeah.

You go.

And that is doable. That gets you to the vault wall.

Okay.

You run over this really spooky looking circle. This would put you on the spooky circle. Spooky circle's not currently doing anything. But you are standing on the spooky circle.

All right.

Thank you.

James. You've been lightly roasted and they're marching in your direction. They are still 30ft from you.

Okay.

This is smart. Five by fives. Native fives is a good map. Yeah.

You literally just made a D and D map.

Yes.

Well, I mean literally it's a D and D map.

Okay, well. With a bunch of five foot squares.

Yeah. No. It's just that they're outlined with bigger five. Five squares. That's very convenient for counting distance.

They're coming from the same direction that Mel was.

Huh.

So you'd have to move.

So they are now between you guys. Oh, fuck.

Okay.

Well.

Almost like it was planned. I hate it.

Weird.

It's almost like the creatures from this magical world know about healing.

Yeah. Well, that went that planned. I'm gonna stick with walnut. Cause I only have three points of health left.

You know you can heal yourself.

You only have three points of health left.

Yes. Seven.

I like that number more. I don't know how I went down this.

I'm fine with you having three. I can fix that.

Hold on.

Let's give you a quick four damage. Out of nowhere.

Back up to seven hit points. Using my med kit. I have. The only healing I have is using my health kit.

It might be worth it on yourself because you can't take another.

I don't.

Know how many points.

You're ready. A D6 plus 4.

They get you above a one hit not to get.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It might keep you conscious.

Yeah. Within the Next turn, I would be at the exact same point. I can't do that. Unfortunately. No.

Why can't?

Can't you? Bonus action dodge as a rogue.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

That's right.

Rogues would be so broken.

They're powered enough as it is.

They don't need extra. How hurt is Edward? I can't tell. Okay, cool. Because the health bloodied look exactly the same color. I can't even read them.

Horrible though.

Great.

Like he looks like he's just starting to bleed.

Edward is bloodied. The other two are healthy.

Red, Green deficiency's a. Yeah, it is. The rest of the world who's decided those are the two colors that matter, huh?

Christmas time's a.

There's a lot of lights.

Why is everything green?

Oh, they like alternate. So it's like. Like. Yeah, like dimensions.

So the whole world's just a strobe light to you?

It depends on like the shades, but yeah, most of the time it's like I can't tell if that's red, green, or brown.

Wow.

It kind of just changes.

Be a really ugly holiday for you.

Yeah.

Sorry, buddy.

I love. I love the. I love the whites and the blues though.

Those are pretty.

Oh.

So how are you Diana or not Diana.

What are you doing?

Yeah.

My goal was to get to Mel to heal her. But they're in between me and them and her.

And you know, at this you can.

Get to them in one.

You would have to dash to get to her. Okay.

So I can do a 30 and then a bonus action dash and then heal Mel.

Is there enough room to go around? There's enough room.

Yeah.

Yeah, I will do that.

Okay. Yeah. Whoops. That's the map. Don't move the map, move the gems.

Don't move the map, move the gems.

So it took 30 plus 10 to get the map.

Cool.

I use my action to use the med kit to give you a eight.

Thank you. Thank him too.

And so just so you remember, Clement hasn't moved yet. So mel is a five foot gap between. Between her and Clement. There's a ten foot gap between you and Clement.

Okay.

You have 20ft of movement you've not utilized yet.

Okay. I would like to then move to have me in between Clement and Mel with my sword.

That would put you in melee with Clement to do.

So what happened that James gained hit points too? I mean, I'm not complaining. I mean, I got my eight. James got eight too. I mean again, it'd be super cool if he could like heal me and him at the same Time.

Yep. Is getting tired. It's getting steepy. It makes mistakes, I guess. All right, so you're cool with being in melee with Clement? Yep.

Mel comes to and goes, oh, shit. Or I am here to. Sorry.

Oh, nok. Bonaventure is now kind of marching at you.

Okay.

James saved Mel and is staring down Clement, and Edouard is marching towards Elliot.

Who am I closest to?

Closest to? Well, Bona or Edward? Actually, they're both distant. Yeah. Bona is basically straight up Edward's kick.

Did Edward get healing?

It did, yeah.

Edward is now only showing his hurt instead of bloodied.

He got eight points of healing too. It gave.

Just giving healing to everybody.

You get eight points. You get eight points.

I didn't get it.

I am the Oprah of healing.

I don't really understand what's happening there, but. Okay, he's back to what he's doing.

Edward is the only one of the guys that are currently up that has taken damage, and he's currently marching towards Elliot.

I say you take that.

That's what I was thinking, but also.

I'm a little worried that. Anyway, I just took a stab at it. It's a B name.

Yeah.

Let's.

Let's double attack. Let's double attack. Eduardo.

Edward. All right, where is he? There he is. Go for it.

Weird.

Okay, so the first one's not gonna hit.

Second one.

Second one might, though. 15 plus nine.

Yeah.

Okay.

24 hits.

If 24 misses, then we have issues.

Stop.

Nope.

Stop. No, stop.

This might not be the most efficient.

All right. Six plus six. 12.

Okay. ADOR takes 12. Magic Hammer damage. Boom. Did it only apply to him? It appears as though everyone else is where they should be.

Nothing changed from our perspective.

Good. Yay.

Finally.

Mel, you're laying on the ground. James is standing near you. You feel slightly better.

I get up, and I gave her.

One more hit point that I have when I'm.

While I'm standing up, I do my magical monk healing.

Okay.

For my action, so I get hit points equal to three times my monk level. So three times seven, I get 21 more hit points.

Damn, that's fucking.

Wow.

That ain't bad.

That's nice.

Yeah. So that's 29.

Yes.

Can I share those?

Health. Health for the poor. Or at this point, you know, with how wounded I am. Arms. Arms for the poor.

Right.

I'll look at. I look at James. Hola. Sorry, James. Jasiah. And then I'll tell me. Looks terrible. And bone Adventures in melee with us. No, Clement's in Melee.

With us, with James, not you.

Okay, I am going to.

I could have sworn you did.

No, no, actually I'm going to.

Did I go before James? I don't remember getting my turn.

We.

You ran over there. Yeah, yeah.

You moved.

Is that right before Jim? Okay.

I think so.

Just James had a very long term.

Okay, got it. Yes.

James went on a side tangent because he was trying to put off.

Sorry, sorry.

I was.

Yeah, I will. Because seeing that James looks like Mel, I will go ahead and engage Clement and attack. My action was my healing. So I only get one. And that's a 17 plus six.

Yeah, it is.

That's got to be a one. One damage, four damage.

Slap him real good. Good.

Now it. My ones look like sevens, but since it's only six sided dice, I feel confidence.

Unlikely Process of elimination does narrow.

Suddenly it's a. It's a D7.

Amory, you sitting at the foot of a person who looks less well than they did a minute ago.

Yeah, I want to. I want to pick this person up and like fireman carry them. See if getting them away from the magic circle helps at all.

I need you to make a charisma saving throw.

All right.

For the sparkly. Spark. Sparkly bits, right.

You're the worst person to be grabbing people right now.

I don't know what you mean by.

Sparkly bits, but the glowy stuff that was.

They're all like encased in some kind of force field.

Oh, right. 17.

Okay. Yeah. You are able to get through. You feel all sorts of fucked up, but you are able to grab the person.

Do all the limbs go tingly?

Yeah. You're feeling like the statickiest you've ever.

Static. And like I said, I'm just going to like fireman carry and move my half speed because I'm carrying somebody so 15ft away.

Okay.

And just get them a little bit away from the circle.

Okay. You see the circle dim a bit.

Okay.

And.

Yeah.

Anything else? That's pretty much.

Pretty much, yeah. And then once. Once it dims, I'll set the person down, I think.

Okay.

And then look over. And then if I. See. Can I line up Clement and anyone else?

No, not with your remaining movement.

Okay, Well, I'll still do it. I'm going to quicken spell again. And lightning bolt Clement.

Okay.

That was a good.

That was for sure. And he makes the dexterity.

Yes, he does. I'm running out of lightning bolts, guys.

I'm running out of hit points here, guys.

Yeah, I know. That's why I'm Doing it anyway.

Actually I'm gonna. We're gonna hold for a second. You would have to nuke Mel to hit Clement. You can line up Eduard and bono with about 15 people.

Okay.

Mel. Mel blends in with the blue.

There's no way that I can. There's no way I can move. So I don't nukemill.

You use 30ft of movement because you used half speed movement to get 50ft away.

I guess I did. Yeah.

So no.

This turns out all right.

I would just nuke those guys.

So don't spend the spell slot. You knew Mel was there.

Yeah.

I didn't see Mel clearly cuz she's the same color as the.

Really disappointed because I rolled three sixes.

I was going to say go ahead and use it on Edward and Bonaventure.

It would still help them up.

You could line them up if you had more movement. You can hit Edward or Bonaventure without. Yeah. And I'll let you keep the damage roll.

I think I would rather hit Bonaventure.

Okay.

Spread the wealth of damage.

So if you still failed. So you rolled three sixes.

Hang on. I gotta roll more.

Oh, you don't get 30. Some lightning damage with these three sixes.

43 lightning damage.

That hurt on bone Adventure.

Nice. The color changed. That's good.

He went from perfectly fine to bloodied.

Yep. Nicely done.

The only reason I could tell is because it now matches the one on top.

Jesus. What? You're 12 now?

11.

11.

I rolled a 19 on that one. I've rolled above 10 on yes I am. My last one was at 9.

I misremembered. That's awesome. All right.

Unless I should have ticked it up for touching glowy stuff.

But you passed. Here.

I was gonna say you rolled.

All right. Clement's turn.

I'm pretty good at charisma saves.

I thought that too. I'm supposedly really good at persuasion. And yet every time I try to persuade it fails miserably.

Another reason I angled for deception before. It's my Deception's better.

James.

Yep.

17 hit.

Yep.

You take 10 fire damage from Clement. You'll be relieved to know the first beret missed. Second. Ray nailed you.

So Clement shot past Mel and hit me.

Sure.

He missed the first shot. He was. He was aiming for you because you brought her back and that pissed him off.

Gotcha.

But the first shot he missed. Second shot he did not miss.

Gotcha.

Oh.

One missed.

All right.

And.

And now Edouard is going to continue his assault on.

Share the love.

Bastard.

17 hit.

Yeah.

Total Yep.

10.

Yep.

Bet you don't see that.

No.

Does 16.

Yep.

10.

Could I half that with uncanny dodge to five.

Yeah. Circle back around to your turn.

We'Ll.

Say you did that. Give you two surprise healths.

I just remembered that I got. I. It was past my turn from before, so I had my reaction back.

All right. And Edward continues his march in a vaguely Ilotesque direction.

When he finishes this movement, I would like to know how far away from him he is.

He is 5 to 20 from you.

Thank you.

10 from Emory.

Yep.

You'll be happy to know, em, that you're the only one still in three.

I know.

I haven't taken any damage yet.

First firebolt, first from Bonaventure. Mrs. And Bonaventure just got the lightning data damage.

Yeah, he did a little shocked. Oh, God damn.

But I don't believe a five plus seven equaling 12 hits, does it?

No.

Emory is still okay. Adventure, sex, intruder.

Good.

I yell something nasty out of him in Greek.

What?

I understand Greek is a good language for yelling something nasty at. He moves 15ft more towards Emery. So he's kind of almost equidistant between Emery and Ulnock at this point.

Okay.

Which is to say not particularly close to either of you. But Elliot, you're not feeling very good. You're quite crispy.

How bad does Edward look? Edward been looking bad for a bit.

He's a bit.

He's. He's not on his like, death throes. He's not, you know, he's not looking good. You guys have repeatedly dumped some on his ass specifically.

All right, all right. I'm going to cast cure wounds on myself at a second level. Granting yourself standby. Calculating. 14 points.

Point you perfect. Survive at least one more round.

We will survive.

Anything else?

I would like to. I would like to move away from Edward. If I can do it without getting close to any of the other bad guys.

The most awayest, you can move his back down south.

Okay.

That would get you the most away from him.

Okay. I would like to.

And you can do 20ft and you're at the wall.

Okay. That should give him at least a dash. Okay, let's do that.

He is 25 from you.

If I add another 20, that should put him 45 away.

Single.

Just go ahead and move me that far and we'll deal with it next round.

This guy doesn't really give a. James, you're not unconscious. You're just not feeling particularly good.

No, you are correct.

Clement is in your face.

Yep.

Mel's still in melee with them. Y. I'm not melee. Oh, I am in melee with her.

Stab them and disengage.

I'm going to stab them and then divorce them.

Remember that country song?

That's a. It's a pretty decent one. That is a 19 to hit.

You know that just hits.

Makes damage on that part. Waiting for the D6s to roll. Oh, that's some pretty good damage. The other number disappeared. That's 8 plus 16.

24.

24 points of magical stab you in the face damage.

Okay.

Nice Clement.

And now I have a D6, a D4 honor. And then I'm gonna bonus action.

Just cage. Okay. And then I'm assuming move prefer where?

Anywhere but there.

Anywhere but there.

Are you moving as far from people as you can?

Yes.

That would be due right towards the other wall.

Okay, I will head do that way. Do like right.

Okay. You are getting kind of near the opposite it bits.

Gotcha.

Those ones are the empty ones, right?

Yes.

Okay.

I don't feel well. I'd like to take a nap.

Nap. Safe point. Safe point.

Safe point.

Face hurts.

I gotta get to the bed.

That's the checkpoint.

Bona is now the most closest.

Let's hit him twice.

Good.

Not.

Oh, one of them anyway.

First one's gonna hit with the 17 plus 9.

Yeah, that'll. That'll do it.

Then the second one's probably not with the 2 plus 9.

No, no. 11's not even the first one. Firmly. It's 10.

10?

Yeah. 4 plus 4 plus 6. What?

Yes.

Anything else? No. Okay. No.

This movement would help me.

Movement help me in any way? Not really. Everything's within the range of your hammer.

We'll stay here forever.

Okay.

Cuz I don't think I can get between anybody and he's no bullet sponge.

No, I'm not with one movement. You are in melee alone now with Plymouth.

All right.

Hey, no worries. I am going to attack. Surprise.

I know.

24 to hit for six points of damage.

Okay. Six points of damage.

Yep.

With the magical punchy variety.

Yep.

It nope.

And then you know, instead of doing one more hit, I'm going to take the dodge. Actually. Bonus action.

Good old patient defense.

Fantastic. Anything else? That pretty much covers all your bases.

I think that's all I got. That's everything.

Emerson, there is a person laying on the floor near you that you put their gently.

Yes. I am going to quicken spell again. Cast true strike as bonus action. And chaos bolt. Clement at a second level.

Okay.

I have to roll that. So give Me. Just a moment.

Is there a safe return strictly, or does it just happen?

It just. It just happens.

It just gives you advantage on your next attack.

I think quickening it is the only way that it works.

Oh, gotcha.

Yeah. If you don't quicken it, you have to wait a whole another turn. Kind of silly.

It's a 212 hit.

Yeah, it'll do it.

Yay.

Let me just double check what I do at second level here. He is going to take cold damage, and that is 12 total cold damage on him.

All right. You do see the cold doesn't seem to bother him anyway. He takes half damage. Well. But it does hurt.

It is a chaos bolt. I can't really control what damage type it is, and I'm going to move back to the next bed in line there.

All right. That's 15ft of movement to get back up there.

Okay.

Would you explode my forgotten check if you did? I'll say you did it before you ran up there.

I sure explode.

Okay. You did that before you moved.

I would have, yes. Because it was. It would have been. When I cast the Chaos Bolts, you.

Are standing right next to one of the people you've saved, but you're not standing next to two people you haven't saved yet.

Generate healing on everybody that's on your side.

45.

As a reminder, we are using the game master's book of astonishing Random tables by Ben Egloff with my new Nice Book of America. Book of America courtesy.

You're welcome.

Thank you. You rolled a one again.

45.

4.

Well.

Involuntarily. Flinches. Again.

You're pretty far away from me this time.

Yeah, but like, you just set off a shot of cold attacking or at the person directly in front of me. And then I hear the telltale crackle.

Like the static zap.

Yep.

So you are. The energy for you is like you're holding on to one of those electro ball things, right? Your hair is doing the cool floaty shit, and all of a sudden it's stiffening dramatically. Your hair turns into brittle sticks of wood that stand straight up from the top of your head.

Okay?

For 24 hours. You have disadvantage on charisma, persuasion, and performance checks.

All right?

After 24 hours, the sticks fall out and your hair regrows.

She got wood Slim Jim hair from.

That commercial back in the day.

It's fine. I don't think she can communicate with anyone in town but Mel for the next 23¾ hours anyway.

What am I gonna do? Persuade Mel actually I love the fact.

That the two charisma people are the two that can't speak the language of the town that they're in.

Happening to us weirdly, consistently. Yes. Yes, it is.

All right.

And then I move back.

Okay.

My head feels up.

But what can ever so slightly mean?

I'm a little bit occupied. I'm not really paying attention.

I don't know. I feel like you kind of do this and then it clunks.

Yeah, just a bunch of dinosaur wings.

That would feel weird. So uncomfy.

But as I said, I'm dealing with a lot right now. So.

Claimant takes four points of necrotic damage.

Thank you. Takes four points of necrotic damage. Damage. And gets to roll a save. While I remember that is super duper cocked. Still. That is a 17 plus.

Yeah, that beats it.

Claimant is going to risk an opportunity attack from Mel.

I will absolutely attack them.

Kick him in the ass.

Nineteen.

It's nice.

Ooh.

Seven points of damage.

Nice. And he moves five feet away from you.

I was hoping he died from foot ass damage.

And he points his hand at Mel who he has disadvantage on for an attack. Cuz you took dodge. Correct. And misses you with a nat one. And with his other hand he points it at James. Forgot what you do. And that's a 13 plus 7 to hit for a dirty 20 for 10 fire damage.

Yeah. Even if I half it. I'm down. Now I'm down.

Gotcha. And that's his turn. Edward. When your hair turns into sticks, you see Edward. If you. If you were looking in Edward's direction, he is technically behind you. So you may not see this. Edward starts smiling. He was quite happy to know that.

Yeah.

They found their next yes.

And three of them. He is going to shoot some fuego in your direction for an at 20.

When they shoot fire. Is this a spell that they're casting?

It's a ranged spell attack. Yes.

I'm gonna counterspell that. I have to use my fourth level spell to do so. But I'm counterspelling it.

What's range?

60Ft.

Okay. Yep. He's well within range. And it. How does that work? You just do it.

I just do it.

Just do it.

Okay.

Especially up casting at the fourth.

So his first fire spell fails. That really pisses him off. He it specifically says he uses his fire ray twice. It does not say that. It's once special with two charges. So he is going to shoot a new one at you.

Okay.

For a 9 plus 716 to hit.

That just hits with mage armor.

Okay.

At least it's not a nat 20.

Yes. Yeah, you took some spice off that. It's a 10 Fires for your first damage of this fight.

We were doing good.

And now Bonaventure's turn. This guy's really rather consistent.

You could stop hitting us. That would be great. Yeah.

Can I hold your dice for a second?

No, sure.

Can't think so after the break.

Okay, now Everybody take a D20 and pass it to you.

Bone Adventure is going to shoot a fire at Emory.

Okay.

Misses. He's gonna shoot his other fire at omak. Okay. Seven. Seven. 14 misses. I think hits. All right, so 10 have the five damage to you, sir. And it's up to Elliot.

I gotta got a tiny bit of a breather. I've still got Hunter's mark up on Edward so he is going to pull this together.

At this point, just for observation, Edward, Clement and Bonaventure all look about the same amount of up.

Yeah, I'm doing Edward because I've got Hunter's mark on him. I need a little more damage on him.

Get the magical effects.

All right.

I'm gonna burn my damn inspiration.

God damn.

Out of one. A two.

Ouch. Yeah, you don't have a big enough plus to hit that.

No, I do not. All right, well, apparently he's shaky as and he can't get his. I can't get these arrows for the next.

It's been a little while since you've had your shop like this, James.

Phone is on the table upside down.

My neck. My neck just went.

All right. Good turn, James. Oh no. James twitches dyingly shake little shutter.

Double attack. Whose closest still?

Yeah.

Go.

Seven plus nine is a 16 misses. Yeah, 12 plus nine is more than that. Hits.

Okay.

21 hits.

Nine.

Three plus six. Nine damage.

Perfect. Let me know if anybody else changes here since being. I can't figure out why.

I believe I did.

You changed.

55.

Okay. He did also take damage so he'd give you your own. All right, anything else?

Does moving help me at all?

Again, same. Everybody's still within range.

Okay, we'll leave it alone.

Okay.

Moving can help mel get out of melee with somebody.

I'm not getting melee. Clement left.

I can't.

Can I get close enough to get in between anybody?

No. Now everybody has done a very effective job of scattering about a strange sp. Nobody.

We're all direly injured, both good and bad.

Heal anybody. So even if I try to make it to James, I can't do anything.

When I get there.

Other stabilize.

You can attempt a medicine check. It's only a DC10. If you succeed in that, it takes an action, but it'll stabilize him and.

Stop dying 60ft from.

Well, I. I was gonna say like I'm right next to.

To him.

Like right next to him.

Not anymore. Cuz he ran. But you're five. 10, 15, 30. You can make it.

I can make it?

Yeah. You're not near it.

I guess I'll try to go get into the fight. So I'll jump.

I'll.

I'll go 30ft towards the middle, I guess.

Okay. You want to charge towards Bona? He's middleish.

Whatever.

Fine. Maybe I'll hit him better with my.

You can get into melee with Bona if you want to.

Works for me.

Okay, bring it on.

Ditch Mel.

So the original James healing me had the healer's kit next to me and I've only moved five feet away. Could I conceivably grab the healer's kit on my way to James?

Sure.

And then use that to bring him to zero without doing a medicine check, which I don't have. Great score in.

You have stabilized the lab.

Okay, perfect. Thank you. See, I got this. I'm smart enough to grab the medicine. The first ap.

Okay. Edward's looking at me with a fucked up smile, right?

Yes.

Great.

But technically this is happening behind you. So it's your choice if you see it.

Well, I. I didn't. I don't think I would have turned my back to him knowing he was 10ft away from me when I moved away. You know? And I did counterspell him. So I was looking at him.

Okay. So yeah, he's looking at you pretty pleased.

I am going to fight him. He needs to make a con save.

That is a 3020.

Okay. He does make it. So nothing happens then. Can I try and grab this next person on the next bed?

Charisma save.

Not as good. Nine.

Nine.

I think that's a disadvantage between your hair.

Anyway, that's a save. I'm not trying to persuade anybody.

I couldn't remember what the spell circle did not do it. You get zapped pretty aggressively. Doesn't do damage.

Okay.

You're not able to get in your hands. Okay. You can feel your magic wanting.

It's almost like magnetic, like kind of trying to.

You could feel yourself being drawn in a little. Okay. It's very not pleasant.

Yeah.

You're pretty sure if your hair wasn't sticks, it would be drifting into that as well. Almost like there's like a Wind pulling through it. That only seems to affect you.

No, I think that's about everything I can do.

Clement. He doesn't like you being friendly. Oh, so he's going to try to fire you. You're fired. You're not fired.

He misses drastically.

Second fire. Two, not ones in a row.

Yeah.

Clement or whatever your name is.

Clement looks at his hand, confused. Not sure what the that was.

The good news is you can flip someone off in every language.

Middle finger is universal relative.

I think Mel did the Folic.

Eduard is going to pick a new dice.

Nah, keep using that one. That's a good dice.

And he keeps his sights set on emery for a 16 plus 10 fire. And he doesn't want to kill the merchandise, so he's going to adjust his attention down south to Elliot for a 12 plus 7, 19 to hit for 10 fire. And Bonaventure now has a big dude in his face. And Bonaventures decided. All right, this I am going to. He. They all have that same spear, right?

The stab at the.

Yeah.

So he just grabs it with both hands and he's going to try to fucking poke you.

Okay.

Real hard, angry poke. 17 plus 7. 24 to hit. Yeah, it hits. Okay. Sure. Yeah.

Okay.

Pretty sure.

No, I have an armor class of 37. No, no.

You're kidding. Eight piercing damage. Have the four and three fire damage.

Have the one five.

Yes. Two. Got it. For his first attack.

Okay.

And he does again. 7P plus 714 to hit.

Hits.

Hits. Just barely, but.

Yes. This is going to sound real familiar.

Same.

Yes.

Okay.

And we're back at the top. Crap.

Did I screw up? What am I supposed to be at?

I have you at 45.

Okay, I did screwed up.

Unless you have yourself lower, then you're correct, I'm wrong.

I think I bumped it twice.

It's easy to.

I didn't mean I was like. Damn it.

There is a wicked delay on D and D beyond. I give myself double damage a lot. Elliot, your turn.

Okay, that. That firebolt that he took broke his concentration, so he lost hunter's mark.

Okay.

So it drops. He's going to use a bonus action. Pull it back up.

Okay.

On. Does any of them look any more or less hurt than any of the other ones?

Edward looks slightly the worst first.

Okay, try again.

Hit him. Good. Okay, put me back on Edward.

Try again. Yep.

Edwards. Edwards. He's not looking. Yeah.

Actually, before I. Before I actually make this roll, is there any of my compatriots that I can get to in 30ft. Come on. Another nat.1.

Damn, dude.

Yeah.

Let's see.

17 to hit misses.

All right.

That's it.

All I got.

All right, James, you're asleep.

Full Knox, but you're not dying.

Not dead. You got the poked out of you and it burns a bit.

Just.

I'm in melee with what's his tits. So we're gonna swing at him twice.

Go for Bonaventure.

Go. Oh, my God. That was so close.

That was almost a natural.

I almost critted that it paused. Nine. Seventeen misses.

Four plus nine.

Eat my ass.

All right, me.

You failed me. I had Godamn.

I had it.

Anything else? I don't think you have any bonus actions. You could move if you wanted to get to hit you though. No. Okay, we're going to.

We're going to stand in the pocket and take. We're going to fight.

Mel, James is sleeping next to you, but he's no longer dying due to your valiant efforts.

We're still twitching though.

Can you still.

Get to anybody in 45?

No.

Okay. Can I burn a key point and get to somebody?

I'm wrong. You can get the Uluk. Oh, you're talking about bad guys. Clement's within reach. Clemence. Sorry. I don't know why I assumed you wanted your friends.

She has to fight people with her hands.

Yes. Yes, I do.

Yes.

No.

Clement's well within reach.

Okay, then I'm going to run over to Clement and start trying to pound on him.

Okay.

Ew. That's a good one. 24.

Yeah.

Ish. Somewhere in there. Oh. For max damage. So nine points of punching damage.

All right.

Oh, that's a 19. So 25 to hit for eight points of punching damage.

Getting fell up with wet Magnus.

And that is a 24 to hit. For another eight points of punching damage, I'm going to spend the ki point flurry and take one more strike.

Keep the streak up. Keep the streak.

Yahtzee.

That's going to miss. I pushed my.

It was worth the effort.

I totally pushed my.

All right. Claimant is suddenly not looking very good. Clement's looking pretty fine. Anything else? I'm pretty much.

I can.

Emory.

Great. I am going to. Having struggled with trying to get this person, I'm going to yank my hands away from this magic because it feels like it's pulling me in and that's fucking scary. And I am going to instead bonus action. Cast Dragon's breath on myself and move so that Edward is within 15ft of me. I don't think I have to move Far. And not catch the person that I put on the floor in the cone. Yeah.

Yeah.

It's good.

And I'm going to. I get to pick the type. Lightning seems to be working pretty well on these people.

Cool.

So I'm going to go for lightning breath. And I'm going to breathe lightning on him. He needs to make a vex save.

Okay. He fails.

Okay. He is going to take 14. Lightning damage.

Takes 14. He's not stoked. He now looks pretty rough.

Die.

How many times are you gonna hit this guy?

Oh, we. We keep hitting three different people.

We keep getting three different people and we're not hitting them for a while.

I don't think I've landed.

I just haven't landed any good attacks for a while. I landed. I landing, but they're like.

Leroy was the last really good hit. I think he got lit up well. No, you did this. Some pretty amazing damage to the.

Emery's having a little hero arc here.

Yes. No. Emery is doing fantastic.

I'm just taking damage. Channel the energy.

Channel the energy.

She is on edge.

I think this.

And it feels good to do something about it because she's been on edge for days. She has been hovering at 8 since. Since we got to town, basically.

You've already been hovering twice.

Speaking of, did you pop or did you just add?

I just added.

All right.

I've been hovering at 8 since before Edna Bay got taken.

Damn.

And before that, I was at 7 and 6.

So it's like I anxiety attack for days.

Yes. And now she gets to hit people about it.

Yay.

When I. I want to dragon's breath and then move back again.

Okay. Back to the bed.

Yes. Mostly just trying to keep a little bit further so he can't get melee with me.

There you go.

Clement's turn. He is in melee with Mel. So he grabs his spear with both hands and you want to try to stab you with a super cock. 11 plus 7 for that does 8 piercing and 3 fire for 11 total damage. I don't think type matters for you for your first attack. Six, seven does not hit you.

No.

Okay. Second attack. Misses. Edward is no longer smiling. Edward is getting quite grumpy.

Join the party, bud.

Mel still hasn't had.

12 plus 7 to hit Emery.

Yeah.

That hits 10 fire. Okay. For his first fire, he's noticing that the archer seems to be missing more frequently. So he's going to Emery again.

But he doesn't want to kill the merchandise. Remember you said.

Yeah, the merchandise pissed him off. When I breathed fucking lightning on him. 17 plus for Ted. Fire.

Okay.

Still up.

You are. You are not looking good.

But I'm up.

Bonaventure is going to continue his toe to toe with Bullnok.

Square up Jason.

All right, 14 to hit. Ulnok.

Yeah.

It lands.

And that is five total damage. Because type doesn't matter to you unless it's psychic.

Correct.

So five halved. When it's all said and done, you get five damage.

Yeah, yeah.

Ten halved, same as last time.

Two.

Eleven plus seven. Five again, same. Yep. You are very hard to.

Yep.

That's my job. Yeah.

And we're back to the top.

Elliot, I'm going to move to Emory and I'm going to hit her with a level two cure wound.

Do you have to touch her cure wounds?

Yes.

You cannot. You could dash to her with. You need 15 more feet of movement.

To make it turn. All right, I'm gonna shoot Edward. Okay, well, I'm gonna try again, but.

You'Ll move towards Emery.

You still moved, right?

Yeah, yeah.

Go ahead and give me that movement, Emery. Okay.

You're still 15ish feet from Edward.

Oh, finally some going on. All right, a 15 and a 16 plus.

Okay. Then they hit.

Okay.

Oh, does.

Does it take all of it to hit him? Because that's.

What's your first damage?

My first damage is 10 plus.

Okay.

That kills him.

Three.

Okay, cool. So he's gonna loose that arrow. It's gonna hit him, and it just as he sees him drop a knee, he's gonna rotate to the other one that's still up.

Bonaventure or Clement? Bonaventure is closer.

Who's hurt more? Clement's.

Clement's in melee with Mel.

Yeah, Clement's pretty rough.

I'm going to hit Clement. Okay, so that was five.

What's the big boy?

Six. There was five. Six, Seven plus three gives me ten.

Describe it.

Nice.

Get wrecked.

Double headshot.

So he. So he loses the one. He sees it flying in the right direction, so he puts a second one on and he rotates as the first arrow is bearing into the first one, draws, releases it one and it sails through, catches him kind of right at the right in the sternum, piercing the heart.

Nice.

And yeah, he's just spent, breathing very.

Hard.

Because he looks like.

Yeah.

James, look pretty shitty.

Yeah.

Oh, no, we're in the pocket.

We're changing blows. I mean, he's hitting me with the spear. I'm getting stabby, stabbed, and I'm just swinging a hammer in his face, I guess. Let's Go again.

Things.

Okay, we.

We retired you.

Let's roll. You and you.

Okay. God.

Yeah. All right. Okay. No, you fail. Let's see.

Double right?

Yep.

Double what? You roll.

Okay, so one. Get the out of here.

Don't forget, you get all your pluses.

Four plus. So you.

Six. No.

What did you roll on your two?

Two.

So four plus six is ten. That sucks. That's your damage?

Yes.

So that was number one.

Okay.

It.

Let's pull this one again. 12 plus 9.

See you, senor.

You can try more.

Bloody dice, bruh.

That's better. Six plus six.

12. He looks supes unhappy.

Join the club.

And he is scanning the room unhappily.

You're all that's left, buddy.

How can I feel like you could.

Make it to Bonaventure?

Okay, Because I'm like Elliot Downs Clement. And Mel's like standing there on guard going. And then she looks around, sees there's one still up, and then runs over there and tries to hit Bonaventure. Oh, that is a 25 to hit for max damage.

Did we win?

We're winning now.

Mel exhaustedly, then runs over there. Bone Adventure was another one of the armored. Was one of the armored.

All three of these don't do the same thing.

Mel does another one of those. Grab the horns to the knee.

But this one's on the run. This one's on the run.

She runs.

Or she just runs up to. So she basically runs up him, grabs his horns and just wham.

Down onto the knee out of this guy.

Hell yeah, dude.

That one had the force of a back truck.

This dude's language.

That's print backstabbage.

Uh huh. Yes.

Yeah, that was backstage.

Did some gross sounds you hope to never hear again.

Oh, yeah.

No Mel. Absolutely. And then she's looking at your pants.

Going, yeah, that was sick.

And with that, we are out of initiative. And we're going to call that the episode.

Yay.

Good job, team.

We didn't die.

We killed all the things. Now we gotta get all these people out of here.

Almost got you.

I'm still actively unconscious.

But you're not dying.

We gotta get out of here.

Yeah.

I know. We kind of wanna. Can I just hit him with my cure wound just to bring him awake?

Sure.

All right, so that'll be up. Five, six, seven.

I'll take him.

Theater of the Mind presents Retribution as Amanda Arston as Mel Kelly Jeremy Arston as Elliot Brandybane Michael Burnell as Ulnach Vargar Johnson Michael Downes as James o' Brien Casey Weingarten as Emory Lee and myself, Mike Schock as your Dungeon Master. We release episodes every two weeks, so our next episode will drop on January 4th. Have a safe and happy holiday season. If you want to follow us, our social media and website can be found on our link tree, which can be found in the podcast description. Also in the podcast description you can find a link to Pinecast, as well as our referral code to get you 40% off your first four months of a paid membership, as well as our referral link to Epidemic Sound, which gets you a one week trial period to their excellent platform. Our music this week was sourced from Epidemic Sounds, who we are not sponsored by under the Creative Commons license. The songs used, in order are Pandemonium by Christopher Mo Ditlevson, show them who you are by Ruiki Zhao, Digital Titan by Edgar Hopp, Epic Triumph by Elm Lake and Sin by Taelim. The Theatre of the Mind theme ad break and outro were written by Mike Schock. This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of our collective imagination or are used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual events, places, or people, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

Featuring Sound Featuring Sound in our podcast Hell of a sneeze.

Man, that was a good one. Okay, so I thought I was gonna kill you.

I, I, I thought we got damn close. So I have to know though, like, does Mel now have interesting scars on both cheeks or is it just one really up cheek?

Yeah, not both cheeks. You're looking all sorts of gnarly. So you guys fought a priest of Ous? That was Zephyrin la Libert. Funny you fought a black Abache. That was Maxine Gaudette. Two chain demons, a white Abishay. That was the first person who was transforming. Else scary, like something with an L. Three cambions.

Oh, shit.

What's a Cambion? The devil.

Devil. They're nasty.

They're the ones that were wearing our.

Arm that were really hard to hit.

Yeah, and a couple shadows and all that kind of fun stuff. The shadows didn't say.

Any chance.