S1:E57 – The Hunt for Carson

Theater the Mind podcasts are intended for mature audiences. Listener discretion is advised. Content warnings can be found in the podcast. Description. Welcome to Theater of the Mind presents, episode number 59. My name is Mike. I'm your dungeon master. And this week's question from the Ultimate RPG Campfire card deck by James d' Amato is what is something about yourself that you are sure will never change? Has it ever been truly tested?

My name's Amanda and I'm playing Mel Kelly. Mel thinks that she will never really lose her upbeat, high energy personality. She's confident that that's just part of who she is and that's totally not her just high masking her whole life and that's never going to change about her. It's currently being tested every day. Tests that theory a little harder. But she has to stay perky because she looks at Elliot and goes, ugh, you're not an option. I don't want to be like that. So it's really just a perky out of spite. Now.

I'm Jeremy. I'm playing Elliot Brandybane. And Elliot Brandybane is absolutely confident that in a pitch he could win a hand to hand fight against a bear. It's never been tested and he never wants to test it, but if it happens, he's going to go into it with confidence that he's pretty sure he's going to win.

The sequel to the Redneck.

Does anyone in this room think that they could win a fight with a bear?

Fucking way.

Okay, so we have a lot of realists. And then one person who's lying to themselves.

I said not.

Oh.

I said.

Do we get a walk into the fight with a weapon?

Oh, sure. Yeah. Are we armed?

Yeah.

Okay.

Clay's got a point. What kind of bear? I guess it does matter because.

And then, I mean, I could.

I could take a panda.

Yeah.

I'm like, I could take a panda.

Yeah. I might be able to take a koala, but they look pretty intense, honestly.

They have really sharp claws.

They might not kill you today, but they'll kill you tomorrow.

I heard a beep.

Also, pandas have a very strong bright force.

They can break your leg pretty easily.

So maybe not a red panda, but they're like really?

They're technically in the raccoon, if you.

Want to be specific. The question is if you can beat a grizzly bear.

Yes or no?

Absolutely not. But a black bear, maybe I'm on his side. I don't know if I'll win, but I feel like I got a much.

Better chance that Grizzly and above is undoable. Yeah.

Well, I was gonna say the other question.

Polar bear is kind of the ultimate version. No one beats a fight with a polar bear.

It's the only bear.

But now they've got a scarier one because the polar bears are having to move so far. You got the fucking roller bear, a grizzly polar hybrid.

Well, I was gonna say the other one is, is it a mother black bear? Because if that case you don't even wanna try. You should just run.

Yeah, I don't wanna. No, we don't wanna mess with the mama bear fair.

I needed to personality check everyone in the room, so we're gonna.

Pass that TikTok challenge.

Oh, yeah, it's my turn. I am Brunel. I'm playing Ulnach. Vaga Johnson. Olnock Vaga Johnson. Pretty positive. He will always, always, always be the protector. It has been tested, and every time it's been tested, he's been willing to throw himself in front of the problem in order to protect the other person, even against the spiders. And I will say it was a lot harder then, but it did happen. I got in the way and I cried a lot, but we made it.

And we all pretended we didn't hear you crying.

What was that whimpering back there?

That's when everybody's just like, we're gonna be cool.

Fuck it, we're alive, right?

Like, yeah, I'm Downs and I play James O'. Brien. And James is 100% certain that he will forever have sticky fingers. However, he's trying very hard not to steal from the group.

They make soap.

Okay, thank you.

As a chef, you should know about this thing.

Yes.

Yeah. You could wash your hands between courses.

It's being tested very heavily right now.

I'm Casey and I play Emory Lee. And Emory, I think, has always had a very strong sense of wrong and right. She has a very strong moral compass. And that is something, especially over the last few months, that has been tested pretty hard. But she does feel like we are on the right path and ultimately that this group is doing the right thing for mostly the right reasons, and is ultimately going to be doing something that leaves the world in a better place.

So no one ever said that there'd be a lot of morally gray areas when you're trying to save the world.

I think. I think that's, like, explicitly what they say. Everything is complicated and everything has unexpectedly played any of the Witcher games. But ultimately, I think Emery feels like we've done a pretty good job standing on the side of the correctness and the right side of doing our best.

We were doing the right thing. Some of us may have enjoyed it a little too much.

You know what? We don't have to talk about my personal pleasure, okay? Sometimes cutting a motherfucker's head off your.

Personal pleasure is very, very, very messy.

It is.

It is.

We need to.

And Mel's been in the splash zone too much. I'm sorry.

That's true.

Why am I like. I feel like I'm collateral damage on everybody's Mrs. Sorry, you.

Yeah, we need to get you try.

To stand next to Elliot next time.

I know I am always in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Maybe that's. Maybe it's your curse from your ex patron.

That's a good thought process.

I want to avenge him.

Yeah, it's still remnant the curse of injury.

He made you real unlucky.

Yeah, he dumpsteaded your luck.

That would explain why even though I have a high charisma, I've never rolled double digits on a charisma check.

Yeah, yeah, the pricey thing. The Moritar is pretty confident that his gentle, delicate nature will never change. He gets tested on a daily basis. Well known he still has subordinates.

Okay.

If he was a real hard guy, he wouldn't have subordinates anymore.

Oh, that's his line.

Okay.

Yeah.

And on that note, gonna go to roll for recap. I'm gonna roll the daisomatic.

Am I on recap again or not?

No.

Okay. I rolled a 14. A 14. I just rolled double 14s.

11. Interesting.

3, 12, 2.

All right, sounds like me.

I can comprehend numbers.

I know numbers.

So last time we were mid storming the bank in the town of Parson.

Or.

Mina's Tirith Maithpel.

Yeah, same thing.

Right vibe.

That's the next turn.

Oh, right, sorry.

We're planning on running into another cult.

Oh my God. How cool would it be to end.

Up in Middle Earth at this point, I take it?

We ended up making our way down to the vault. Emory had wild magic surged two episodes ago now and Emerie and Mel don't understand English at all. Mel is only speaking in Spanish and Emerie is speaking in Greek. But thankfully Emerie took enough Spanish in high school that she and Mel can talk. Kind of. We went through an entire combat where all of the Cajuns kept teleporting to the middle of this room, which was kind of annoying, but also stagger them in waves. So we were able to take them all down one by one. We found five beds in the back corner of the vault, where there were unconscious people that had gone missing during the combat, Emery managed to get one of them out of the bed, trying to break some of the magic, really. The goal was to have them stop teleporting into the middle of the room, but we didn't quite get that far. Then my specific note here says, we kicked the shit out of the Cajuns.

Accurate.

I remember this.

Yes.

I almost got you.

Yeah. None of us are feeling great. Several of us went down a couple times. I know I'm at four hit points and, like, one spell slot.

I think I had to nickel for every time I was beat unconscious in this town. I was at least able to see them this time.

It's true.

That's true.

And that is pretty much where we left off was right at the end of that combat with. I don't remember the last one that went down. Was that. I don't remember the last one. But whoever the last Cajun was, we took him down. And there was a pause. And the teleportation circle hasn't glowed again yet. And that's that.

Oh, yeah. And it turns out the Cajuns weren't actually Cajun. They were demonstration.

Well, yes, there was that.

Oh, yeah, that's true Cajun. I'm kidding.

Weird demon, man. We lost our guy from Louisiana. We need every listener. Go Tigers again. Lsu, I think, is the Tigers. And that's the only solution. Yes, you're correct.

Yeah.

Lsu.

That's courtesy of Casey.

Yes. Different case.

I was like, wait, a giant ginger Frank Casey.

Yes. He's obsessed with Florida. Mississippian football. Louisiana, Louisiana and football. Thank you.

You know what? We should just stop talking before we offend any more people.

And that's the episode.

See you next time.

So a couple of quick amendments. When the last demon went down, you guys can talk to English. Okay.

Thank God.

And a recap for those at home. Elliot's down to 14 hit points, according to my notes.

Yes.

James is at 7.

Correct.

Ulnock's at 35.

Also correct.

Mel's at 18, and Emery is leading the pack at 4. Yes. So, yeah, you guys are in a room with some magic circles on the floor and some women sleeping in a bed and one on the floor and.

A lot of dead things and a lot of.

A lot of. A lot of bodies on the floor.

Let the Cajuns hit the fly.

And Mel's over here going, oh, dios mio. Thank. What the fuck was that?

The translator is working again. We can understand you.

Yay.

Was I just speaking Spanish?

Yeah, for a while.

I'mma blame the disco.

Sorry. I think after everything, there's, like, a moment of fear that something else is gonna come through. And then when everything remains calm, Emerie's going back to trying to pull these women out of beds.

Emerie, maybe we should let somebody else do that. That's not crackling.

As you approach, you feel it trying to pull you in more.

Yeah. Your hair's going. Einstein. You should probably step away, actually.

Your hair's kind of sticky. Like, is my hair still sticks right now?

Your hair.

Your hair is, in fact, not hair, but you are crackling. So maybe just take a step back and we'll make the.

Okay.

The distance you're at right now, it feels like a pretty strong dust trying to pull you in, but only you.

She takes a couple steps that looks like she is fighting wind. And then she, like, manages to kind of stop on there and say, you know, that's probably a great idea. I would love to get the rest of these people out of these beds. So if someone else would please come help me with that.

Yo, I'll knock.

I am the big, strong dude. Let's see if we can throw some of these people over my shoulder and get them the hell out of here.

You can pick him up.

Do I have any resistance?

No. You don't feel any. Weird they feel when you pick them up. It feels like they've got, like, a bungee cord resisting you pulling them.

Okay, so it's a little harder pulling earth magnets apart.

Could I try to, like, scuff up the circle?

Sure.

I'm gonna try to scuff up this one and see if it changes anything.

Currently doesn't scuff up, and it's, like, glowy, and, like, shit's going on with it. Like, it's mid magic failing in that.

I'll just try to help those people.

Same description.

Yeah.

Just carry them, like, to the center, like, away from the beds and stuff.

Unlike a. It's like a backwards bungee cord, though. The further you get, the less it punches. Oh.

Instead of adding resistance, it gets less.

Yeah, totally.

So, like, bungee cords in Grand Junction after a year or two in the car.

Yeah. Yep.

And then eventually it never snaps. It just isn't any. Just.

Let's go find it. It makes that awful crackle sound. I hate that sound.

Breaking rubber.

Yes.

Elliot's gonna move up, and he's gonna look at specifically James and. Emory. Sorry, we don't have our name tags up. I'm like, ah, I just totally pulled a blanket.

We've been doing this for long enough.

You shouldn't.

Sorry.

Hey, I. I rely on crutches. And he's gonna go. He's gonna look at the two of you and go, well, you two look like hell.

Yeah. Yeah, I feel like it too.

Trying to figure out which one looks lower. Like hell. And he says, emery, come here.

Okay.

And he's gonna. He's gonna take his hands and he's gonna kind of cup your. Up under your jaw for just a minute, and he's going to channel a second level cure wound. You're gonna get back 12 healing.

I like to think that her stick hair starts looking green.

I think there was definitely, like, this. Emery has been buzzing with a combination of magical badness, anxiety, and some, like, clear panic. And now, like, some actual injury. And there is a moment of, like, relaxation a little bit as at least one of those issues is soothed.

He's gotta reach up and gently touch your wood stick hair and go. Does that hurt when I do that?

No, but it feels weird.

I bet it does.

I hope that's not one that sticks around.

James.

T sticks around.

He's gonna look at James for a second, go, ah. And he's gonna reach up, he's gonna kind of put his hand right on your forehead. And you don't get to hit you with a first level cure wounds. And you're gonna get back seven points.

Thank you.

No, I think that's very adequate. Emery gets the gentle, like, feel better, whereas James get the feel better.

Get back on your feet, soldier. We have shit to do.

Oh, God damn it. So you guys are able to get the lady folk out of beds away for enough. As soon as the last one is far enough away.

I'd like to think that you healed him by giving him a headache.

I didn't slap you. I touched you.

This little flick right in the forehead.

Yeah, you just looked at, like, here, James.

There was not a blow. It was.

Meanwhile, Mel's over here dragging bodies out of the circle, just, like, caked on massive. Looking like a, like, horror movie extra.

Emery, you specifically. As they are removing girls from the influence, you feel the. That pulsing hum is weakening each time. And then when the last girl is removed from the sphere of influence, if you will, the lights go out.

And.

You are just in the dark.

Elliot says for a minute, oh, the town's gonna be pissed. I think we just shut down their generator.

How about we don't tell them that?

We ain't gonna tell them. Shit. We're gonna say, hey, we found your disappeared people. You're welcome. Let's get the hell outta here.

You also see all of the mag. So again, there were five magic circles in this room.

We got Granny May too, right?

Yes, there were five magic circles in this room. Teleportation in the center, two magic bed circles, and then two so far not utilized circles closer to the vault door. All five of those go dark as well.

That's good.

So you're plunged in complete black.

Can I better see Emery? Take a moment and then cast light on.

Oh God.

More like her necklace that she can cover it if she needs to so that we can all at least again follow the glowing. Emery, my shadow looks real fucked up with the stick here.

Oh yeah. You look like Medusa. But like all of her snakes are just upright.

Medusa touched an outlet.

Medusa touched an outlet.

So you got some girls.

Are they all still sleeping?

Yeah, they're kind of like sort of trying to rouse.

Yeah, let's see if we can get them away. See if they can help walk out of here because it's going to suck trying to carry all of them.

The first. The main thing you guys notice is these girls are fucking light. Oh, and pretty emaciated.

Hearing is. We need to take these.

They've had some like life juice sucked out of them. That's nice.

Like the gel things of the dark crystal.

Yeah, very nice.

That's. That's a. Yep.

Sorry.

Sorry. Go ahead. I was going to say, before we head out, Elliot wants to do a quick check of the agents, see if they've got. Is there anything particularly interesting on them.

You're able to find Leroy's house keys? Okay, perfect. Lolibear has an identical key to the one you got from upstairs, but nothing crazy.

No gear or anything we can use?

No, I think they were all just. Just hitting you with them.

Oh yeah.

There was a lack of swords. There's some really fucking gnarly looking chains.

Oh, that's right.

Yeah. Like you can't tell if it's blood or rust.

It's mine.

Okay.

Called it.

Yeah. You look bad.

Also.

We should get. Are they gonna. We look like, awful? Is the town gonna believe when we say that we just found these girls? Like what are we still doing the story that it was the Cajuns?

Yeah, well, it is.

Tried to stop us and we rescued the. We rescued their missing people. Here you go. Good luck. We don't need a parade. Thanks. We need to get out of here.

Okay.

I mean, there's One thing that bothers me about just getting out of here, and I'm not saying we have to do anything about it, because we really don't need to borrow any trouble. What about that book?

That's why we're taking his keys.

We got the keys. We can go get the book. Okay, you're right. That's probably not a bad idea.

I don't want anyone else getting hold of.

Do we want to maybe bring the security guards and what's her name down here first? We can at least. Yeah, call on our side.

Yeah, have them come help carry them out of here.

Call for help. Help. Help.

Help.

Help. Come on. Help.

I don't think they heard us.

Yeah. About five minutes later, security guard peeks his head through the stairwell door.

We found your missing people. Come down here and help. They need medical attention.

Sure. Now you can obla English, huh?

Well, so can you.

Yeah, well, you could. You're confusing upstairs.

Yeah, I was confused too.

Were you the one that could. Which dart is this?

I'm the one that could not change languages because otherwise my first sentence doesn't make sense down here. The GM forgot that one of them was a.

Well, you know what?

I was confused too, so I apologize.

Weird magicky thing.

Magic is weird. It doesn't make sense.

I mean, she was speaking Frank again. He's not Francisco no more.

Yeah, he's Frank again.

Okay.

He's your boy. Go get him. We're gonna need his plot holes.

Like, I don't. I don't know if you want to. Like, I know it's really dark down here at the moment, but I don't.

Know if you want to take a.

Look at any of us. It glowing in the light, but we could use some help.

Yeah. Why? Y' all got a bunch of girls.

Those who were missing.

They were tied up down here on these beds.

That's why we were here.

We're trying to storm the bank for no reason, I assume that.

I thought you were robbing us.

Oh, no. We don't care about money.

Who needs money right now?

We're not planning on staying in town. This is the only town where it's really mattered to have any kind of money.

Yeah, well, come help carry these girls upstairs and let's get some medical attention.

Hey, Francis. Frank. Francois. Two. Come help.

May.

Come help. As does Ashton. Yep.

Who's reunited with her.

Yeah, she. She recognizes her daughter and just starts sobbing, saying things that you can't make out as language anymore. Sad.

Oh, you got her too.

There, there.

I don't think I did.

There, there, you're better now. Just speed her up a little.

A lot, a lot, a lot. Step one is get out of this fucking vault.

You guys get up the stairs out into the bank proper lobby. And at that point, Ashton is able to adequately identify Angelique, Tracy, Kathy, and you guys recognize Edna, but she doesn't know who this fifth girl is.

Oh, we have an extra.

Do James and Mel recognize her as Nikki?

No. Nikki, we think, is the one who got shot.

That's right, that's right, that's right.

There was, wasn't there? Yeah, there was that one girl that came in and then disappeared for a. Oh.

Oh, the.

Out of. Like she was out of town.

Out of town.

Yeah, that's probably her.

Nobody knows who she is.

Is she awake?

Yeah, she's kind of. Kind of too. She is by far the worst off.

Yeah, she has like.

She looks. She looks bad. Like, you know, some of those teen girls with severe, like, eating disorders. She's. She's getting pretty close to that to the extent of. She couldn't walk herself up the stairs, but she is coming too.

I think we should get these people some food and water. Maybe like broth food.

Yeah, I think that might be a good idea.

The inn is probably empty.

We could.

Yeah, yeah, get them some beds somewhere more comfortable.

We could just sit very, very still and try not to bleed on anything for an hour or two. That'd be great.

I do that very easily.

And did we. I can't remember, did we get the cool kids group lined up to get the townsfolk outside, so hopefully we have a crowd as we come out.

So the nice thing is this bank lobby was intended to be inviting. A lot of big glass windows. And as you look outside, you do see a lot of folks standing outside the bank staring at you guys.

Well, hey, they succeeded.

And you see the cool kids club making their way through the crowd.

Well, cool. Maybe we can wrangle some of these people to do some of that.

Hell yeah.

Yeah. I think Emery's just gonna go and open the door of the bank and step outside to talk to the gathered people.

Yep.

And Elliot's gonna nudge Mel and say, go out there and tell him we're freaking heroes.

Do you think I look like a hero right now?

You do. Get your ass out of this area. Save the missing people.

Okay.

Watch Mel just, you know, pep herself up.

Yeah. Two of you going out front first. Go and give me perception insight.

Mel's also like, you know, I still haven't had any coffee.

Oh yeah.

Oh God.

Yep.

Broke the cardinal rule.

18 in sight.

That's a 17.

The cool kids club is really concerned. The crowd is the most stone faced sentient you've ever seen.

Elliot's gonna try to get one. I can't remember the head. Cool kid.

His name is. You have Alberry, Charlie Delaney. And the leader is Skyler.

Skyler. That's right.

I know it started with an S.

I've got it written down. Get Skyler to gather right there. I don't want to get Skyler's attention.

He'll come over like.

Hey bud. Thanks. Looks like you did a good job. What's going on?

Yeah man. Like they all came pretty easily, you know. Just told them hey, I think the Outsiders are up to some shit. That always works.

Just so you know. They totally.

I meant you cuz. You're the newest outsiders. Sorry. It got the people here.

It works.

But about roughly 10ish minutes ago everybody looked at the bank and paused.

What?

So are. Is anyone in the street reacting to us at all?

Can I like wave my hand in front of somebody?

Sure can.

Nothing happens except your hands moves.

What that occurs?

Can I please.

You sure can.

You're missing.

They appear to be corporeal.

You're missing. People are in the bank.

That's good.

They're all alive.

That's better.

They're not. Well.

Angelique's okay.

Yeah, she's alive. She's alive.

She needs care.

They all have look like they've been basically Star wars since they were taken. But they're alive.

Let's get them somewhere. I could help you them get.

That would be great. I don't know how much I can.

That was a sentence we were thinking.

The inn is just down the street.

They got a kitchen.

Exactly. They got beds.

Let's do it.

I suggest broth. Nothing.

Yeah, broth and water.

Broth and water. In small quantities.

Okay.

We'll help a little bit. We just also.

We also our ooze help still.

Okay.

And then we'll figure out whatever the hell's going on. Yeah.

We don't know why town stops and.

Ashton and the two guards are still.

Moving around like normal.

Yeah.

Okay.

That's my thought.

What if it's that you guys remember that the magic circle looking thingy they had for the naming ceremony? What if it's. That could be because that's the moment where everyone was like brainwashed into thinking the name of the town.

And it was.

The cool kids were confused that Carson was the original town.

Anyway, first things first.

Yeah, girls to the place where they can lay down.

Yes.

Yes.

He yells at Al Barry trailing and tells them to get some beds downstairs. Yeah.

First four, five of them. Yeah.

And so Albert trailer will let me hop on their very convenient skateboards and skate away.

They just get up to speed and then they have to cry into a.

Halt and the rest of us start getting back together in the with all the missing people and start making our slow way behind them.

Hey there, listener, it's Mike the DM here for a quick ad break.

First.

This week we just had our first Barbarians and Brews event with our new friends at the Fruita Tavern. For those of you who joined us, thank you. And for those of you who are still unsure you missed out. We had an absolute blast. We've made sure to lay some groundwork here to ensure that this event is every bit as enjoyable as our wizards and wine events, which have been almost sold out every single time. But we added something to make this a little distinct, a little separate. Now, our next event at Restoration vineyards is on January 19th and it repeats on a fortnight, nightly basis. So 19th, two weeks later, we'll be back there again on a Monday. On the off weeks, that's when we're at the Fruit of Tavern on the Tuesdays. Now, if you want to learn how to play in a lower key, less stress environment, we've partnered again with T.R. trudy and her crew at Board Fox Games to host our second Learn to Play. Our first was a success and we are fully confident the second will be even better. It is on the last Sunday of January and then on the first Sunday of February. It is a two day event. The first day we go through the nuts and bolts, we teach you the mechanics of how to play and then if you attended that session the second week, you get to play with your new character that we built. Tickets are for sale at Board Fox Games. That's enough of me yammering. Let's get you back to the show. Now Skyler helps Ashton with Angelique and you guys make it to the end time.

Was there any brewed coffee?

Sure.

Belle gets herself a really big cup of coffee.

There's some.

She takes a beer glass with the hand handle instead of.

Oh yeah, all the way to the top with coffee. And I think, honestly, I suspect Mel takes her coffee with sugar. So she pours, she does black with sugar. I, I think that Mel's a black with sugar. So she fills it all the way up and then just grabs the sugar shaker and just pours and pours.

Yeah, they got the darn. It was the little flippy lid.

Yep. And pours.

Hey, easy with that.

Want some coffee with your sugar?

Yes.

Okay, I'm not gonna judge. She's gonna throw something.

I mean, I gotta be honest, I'm surprised she didn't just pour out a small cup and then drink from the pot directly.

Oh, my God. I didn't think of that. Pour out the Pour out. That's my next cup.

Her next cup is the cup.

The downside is that cup is hot.

Yes.

Yeah. We get them all set up, and then we sit down and clean our wounds as well. And take care of ourselves, too.

Yeah.

You guys can take a short rest.

Thank you.

We need to get to that house and get that book.

Agreed. Until we take a short rest.

And I think that might be the book. Might have the answers about why the town is behaving like this as well.

I wouldn't be surprised if there's some, like, brainwashing page or chapter.

Exactly.

I did two hit dice, bringing you to 53.

Rolled pretty well.

Didn't mean to roll, but that's how.

It does it, so whatever.

53, you said.

Yes.

Elliot, I'm going to burn five hit dice, and I will have only down one hit point. I'll get a total of 35 hit points.

Thank you, Jimmy. Dang it, Jimmy.

We need to be faster.

Dang it. Dang it.

Okay, emery.

I'm using four hit dice. Gets me up to 40 hit points. Okay.

I'm using five hit dice to get up to 58 points. And I've regained. And I spent 30 minutes of that hour meditating to get my key back.

Oh, cool noise. Okay, Jimmy, you're all that's left. Math. Faster.

Sorry, I got logged out of the program, so I don't know.

I keep telling you, you should use paper.

Right.

I'm using four. Four hit dice to put me back up to 44.

44.

Mel is meditating through coffee.

Awesome.

Getting a good aroma in there and then exhaling.

Exhale.

It's beautiful.

Inhale.

You could be. You could do instead of way of the open hand, you could do way of the drunken master, but it's coffee instead of alcohol.

That would be the way of the caffeine master.

Jabba.

Crazy way of the heightened man.

We have the java.

No, I like the open hand that lets me heal myself.

When you're in the zone, you're really more in the twitch stream.

Yes.

The carafe master.

Yeah, when she's in the zone, she just Dodges so fast because everything is.

Moving in slow motion around you.

Yeah, exactly.

It's cool. You got some emaciated women folk laying on beds. CKG is slowly feeding them various broths that they found in the back waters.

Cool.

Once we're cleaned up and recuperated enough to keep moving, I think Emery's gonna join the cool kids group for a little bit and just check on everybody, especially Edna Mae, and make sure everyone's doing okay.

And then, all things considered, nobody looks like they're in immediate peril. It's gonna take them a while.

Yeah.

To be back on their feet. Edna May. All things considered.

I mean, was there the shortest time?

Exactly. Disregarding her disadvantage due to age, she's okay.

Yeah.

You think a couple days she'll be back on her feet.

Okay.

Unknown name. Girl who's stirring and kind of getting with it. She gonna be weeks, if not months before she's back to bed.

Just don't lean over anyone or else you're gonna stick somebody's eye out.

I wasn't planning on it.

I was reminding you that you don't.

We have hair.

I assume we left him up top.

Sure.

Because he was midrolled down below.

Yeah. Yeah. Jacob hung out with Angelique. He was very concerned with the condition you guys came out of the bottom.

Me too, kid. Me too.

He only died once.

I only died one time. It's not even that serious.

Technically.

That's like. Your face feels wrong.

Your face looks wrong. Not in good shape. And I'm sorry to tell you that we'll see if we can find you some vitamin E somewhere to work on those scars. But you know what, though? You look pretty badass. Like.

Okay, I'll go for badass.

That is pretty cool.

I don't think they're gonna fuck with.

You for a while.

Thanks. Yeah, my hair is probably helping that. Yeah, Just dye it red.

Be more efficient.

I mean, if you stay close enough to decapitation over here, it's probably gonna happen.

How about it's sticky like that? Sticky? No, like tacky.

Yeah, Jacob, definitely.

Yeah.

I'll lower my head so it can poke the sticks.

Our bark is now as they sound cool.

If you rattle them like this sounds like a windchild.

They would totally rattle.

That's really weird.

Yeah, that's a new one for me.

At least you don't speak Greek.

Is that what that was?

I think so.

We were speaking Spanish for a while too.

Homie know Greek?

What is he?

He's the smartest eight year old ever.

Pick Ourselves up a genius on the road here.

Fair enough.

Jacob, I always forget to ask.

When is your birthday?

It is April 4th.

Cool.

Cool.

Well, I'm sorry we missed it and I'll try to.

That was.

It happened.

Oh, we.

That was like we met. We met him on April 4th.

April. It would have been like April 3rd. April Fool's Day is the day everything went bad.

Is it? I thought it was. I thought it was like fourth.

No.

Oh, it was April Fool's Day. It's terrible.

He could have.

This is all a dream.

All right.

Well, I'm sorry.

I gotta say, I think in the grand scheme of things, it's kind of the least important.

I know. I just.

I think it's still important to celebrate things even in the apocalypse.

Yes. So I'll put a mental note and remember that when we survive to next year. Mel just gets us vacant look for a minute.

Come back, come back, come back.

Coffee, Mel. Smelling salts.

Coffee. Oh, I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. Okay, let's do this, guys.

I like to think Mel's smelling salts is literally breaking a thing of instant coffee in front of her.

Smell.

I mean, it would work.

I don't think you guys have ever asked.

He said that he's nine. We have asked.

When did he.

When he turned ten.

You asked him on April 6th.

I'm pretty sure it was after that.

But he is a kid.

Maybe he's just like. I don't know. My parents are probably dead without the cake.

I forgot to add a number.

So. Okay. What. What's the new canon on Jacob's age?

She's 10. He's 10.

All right.

His birthday is April 4th.

We're surviving the apocalypse. His age can be whatever he wants.

20, 13, 52.

Wow.

That's.

You look good for 50 too, buddy.

Why, thank you.

Anyway, I think we're gonna connect with the cool kids for a minute and just say, I think we're gonna split off and start to investigate what's going on with the rest of the town and why they're stuck.

That makes sense.

He's a little more pleasant.

Zombies.

Are you guys cool staying here and keeping an eye on everybody?

I'm not leaving Angelique.

Okay.

Okay.

We appreciate it.

I appreciate you getting her out of that apparently quite frightening bank.

It was very frightening, actually. I did not understand most of what was going on down there for multiple reasons.

I take it this is why the lights don't.

We don't know.

We don't know.

We're not 100%.

There were glowing circles that stopped glowing and it got dark.

Like those ones or. No, we call those lights.

More like.

Smart.

You've watched, like, the Conjuring in, like, spooky movies and stuff.

Like that kind of magic circle.

Like that kind of circle.

Cool.

Also, there's a bunch of dead demons down there.

Dope.

They were the Cajuns.

Cajuns showed up and turned into demons?

Yeah, and tried to murder us legitimately. Wish I could.

I'm pretty sure they were. They were demons pretending to be Cajuns that turned back into demons.

Yeah. I don't know. But.

So they were the dude disguised as the dude playing the other dude. Got it.

Yes, some of them.

There was one that was big, and there were two big bony ones. And then there were two that had chains on their hands, which fucked up my face.

Yeah.

And. Yes. Yes. And there were two that looked like cartoon versions of, like, the devil. Seven Armor. And it sucked a lot.

And they were. It was most of the Cajuns, I think. The only one we didn't see was the cook.

Maybe he's not a demon. Maybe he's just a really good wife.

That's Henri, right?

You know what? I bet Amelia never noticed her husband was a demon.

I wouldn't necessarily be surprised.

I'm pretty sure we saw Amelia.

I thought.

No.

Does that mean that there's a.

We saw.

Got it.

Who was the innkeeper?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like.

There was a lady.

But not only saw the tailor.

Yep.

We saw the banker. Obviously, he was the first one.

He was.

He had the snake tattoos.

Constable.

Yep.

And Mr. Laroy himself.

Yep.

And Laroy's butler. Did we see him? We did not see him.

So Leroy's butler, Amelia and the cook.

Oh, yeah. You did. No, I lied.

You did.

Okay, we saw him.

So Amelia and the cook are still running around, but we don't know for sure that they're demons.

We should probably.

God, I hope the cook's not a demon.

Yeah, I know.

That food was really good.

We should. You know, she's sad to have to kill that guy.

Demon creature. Whatever.

Well, anyway, we need to add up to the. We need to add up and go secure that book.

We're gonna investigate and see if we can figure out how to. How to fix everyone else, because we're not putting people back in that goddamn magic circle. No, not for anything.

In fact, figure out how to get the magic circle off the floor. That would be.

I'll blow it up if we have to.

That'd be Fun.

I didn't ask about paint removal.

I don't know.

I'll figure it out. We'll do something. Anyway, if you guys are good here, we'll be back.

We got this.

Great.

We got the girls.

Besides, we're out in a farm community. We're not gonna have trouble blowing something up if we need to.

Exactly.

Diesel fuel and fertilizer we got.

That's fair. We got.

Oh, can we make Molotov cocktails? I've never done it, and I always thought it would be fun.

That does sound fun.

I want to try it.

Can we try it?

Please?

Elliot, Please?

Let's go see if we have other options first.

Oh, fine. Okay.

I got a bunch of Styrofoaming my garage.

That's my boy right there.

We should maybe not have, like, an actual conversation about how we make explosives on our podcast. Just saying.

Oh, right.

Yeah, you got to pay for that.

So if our patrons are curious, please.

Log into our Discord.

Just say we're putting this out publicly and people listen to it's nothing.

Right.

We don't want to be liable for anything legit.

Mel doesn't know how to do that.

Don't make bombs.

Bad idea.

So you may have already given the townsfolk one reason to kick us out. Can we not also add arson to that list?

Man, I was really hoping we could burn down Laroi's house, but, you know, that's fine.

No, somebody else could live there.

All right, fair.

A house.

I know, but like a bank where they were actively.

We can set the next group of zombies on fire.

Yeah, I mean, well, and plus, it's a vault, so even if you light.

The vault, probably won't spread to the rest of the bank.

Yeah, I think it'd be fine.

Probably pulp.

Yeah.

Anyway, to the mansion first, Hines.

Mel is running on adrenaline, sugar, and caffeine at the moment.

If I lift, if I have to do high knees, I may collapse on the ground and cry.

All of my bones will break at the same time.

Just like that sound effect insinuated. You do Adam West, Batman, and you find yourselves out front of the bank. It did take a weird amount of time getting here because you had to.

House the main section. Okay, Mike, why are we back at the bank?

Why are we at the bank?

That's why it was weird.

We find ourselves at the bank and Mel goes, keep running, keep running, I'm so tired. And then we find ourselves at the bench.

It did take a weird amount of time because you nobody moved out of your way.

Oh, they're just standing there.

They're all. And everybody is staring at the bank.

This is creepy.

I don't like this at all.

I don't know. Move.

You definitely bump some folks and they just kind of like. They don't like.

They're not currently attacking us. Let's just let this one ride.

Okay.

Just out of curiosity, the signs had previous. Like the signs in town that had originally been like Carson Laundromat had changed to Mayeth Hell. What did they say Right now?

They say Maythpel. Ah.

See, we may need to.

The other magicy is still going.

We haven't fixed this yet.

Yeah, well, maybe the book will give us some answers.

What if the cook was the biggest villain of the world?

I hope not.

And behind the curtain, you know, never mind.

Actually, cooks are great people.

They're always, always such upstanding citizens.

At the mention of the cook, you feel the ground shake. Oh, God. You make it to the front door? No problem. Door is unlocked.

Oh, I guess we did need Leroy's keys.

Well, we just let ourselves in.

You go in and Amelia's sitting in the standing in the entry hall type establishment, wringing her hands quite nervously.

Knock, knock.

She's like, oh, you guys are here.

Yep.

Is Leroy okay?

He's been detained.

He's what?

He's been detained.

Detained. I heard the cane. I don't know what that.

Detained.

He's been detained at the bank.

Elliot hit him with a cane.

Fuck.

There was some kind of a hubbub.

Yeah, hullabaloo.

As you would say.

A bloody one.

Yeah.

He told us to come get the book.

Folks look rough.

Yeah.

You see why things were bad?

Yes.

Yeah. Are you not aware that your husband was a demon?

Demon?

Yes.

He got a little weird a couple weeks.

No, I'm not.

Assumed it was stress.

He caused this full blown demon into.

A demon and tried to fucking kill us.

Just kill us.

Really, Amelia dope.

I mean, the killing you part I feel real bad about. You guys are nice folks.

Thanks.

Yeah, you are real twisted. If you think that's cool that your husband's a demon.

He's not detained?

No.

Okay.

He.

Yeah.

All I know is he started reading that book a lot.

Where did he get the book?

I don't know. Okay. He came home with it and he just had it. I don't. I have no idea where it came.

Cool. We're going to go get a hold of it.

Okay.

All right.

By the way, Henri died. What?

What? Why?

Cuz I don't want to have to do a Cajun accent. He's dead now.

Oh.

Did Henri attack you and Amelia?

Yes, he did.

He was in the process of making food, then just.

He just threw the shrimp one time.

He was some kind of construct, not a real person.

He was.

He was.

Yeah. It was really uncomfortable. He just melted. I was a golem. Got it into a pile of clay.

Right?

Is that what those are?

Yep.

He was a scene.

There was a thing in his mouth. That's why he couldn't talk.

Perfect.

There's a name written on a thing.

Wow.

We're going like deep golf.

Real Jewish lore. Jewish golems. You wrote a thing out of something, put it in its mouth.

All right, well, I hope you come to terms with the fact that you allowed a demon of a man to kidnap women and use them for nefarious purposes.

So you didn't prevent it. That makes you part of the problem.

Well, I'm looking at five people who've been through some shit. Look like they barely came out of that.

Yeah, I don't think by herself.

Yeah, she probably would have gotten the most.

I know you guys don't like. No, I get it.

You stood by his side and defended him, and that's.

Yeah, you know what?

I didn't. What do you think? If you found out your dad was doing some bad stuff, but you never saw him doing the bad stuff, would you not give him the benefit of the doubt?

No.

You would not give your dad the benefit of the doubt?

Probably not.

I don't believe that. I'll be honest with you. That's not how people typically work.

Yeah, well, we're weird.

It depends on what particular bad stuff.

You know, you can go grab the book. I don't care. Get the book.

Cuz my dad's real.

I'm go deal with the fact that my husband's evil and apparently murdered.

Okay, good luck with that.

Thanks.

There might be a book on how to deal with that. Or maybe you can remember your psychology courses before you dropped out of medicine?

I was a nurse.

You still take courses on psychology?

I didn't. You got me too soon. So there.

So there. That's how this makes sense.

Belle just rolls her eyes and goes upstairs.

Everybody's just gonna.

I know where tears come from. Because of an physiology Anywhere. Sass was a bitch.

Look, look.

They really hated your fucking.

I got that.

Okay.

Yeah. Pick it up on that.

Yeah.

Look at the book.

Yeah.

Thanks.

All right, so Emery chasing Cigars and Mel head upstairs. And Emery eventually steps in front of Mel because I don't think Mel saw which room it was in, so will lead the way to the room.

And it's where it was still propped up on a. You know, it's not like altar or anything, but he had one of them nice book holder stand things. Because this is. This is. This is towel. It's a buzzer trucker. This ain't something you're gonna, like, hold on the couch and have a Sunday read. This is a beast. So he's got it on. He's got it on. Elektron opened up, and you see he's actually got a really nice pen next to it.

Is it a quill?

It is not a quill. We know your feelings on those, not mine.

Her feelings on those memories specifically.

And I don't think Leroy needs more.

She's like, oh, I already hated the son of a bitch.

He uses a quill.

It is a fountain pen.

Of course he uses a quill.

Elliot would like to go up to the book and actually do kind of a fairly fast thumb through, not attempting to read the book. But I'm looking for symbols or circles that match what's in the.

So as you're reading through it, this is almost exclusively handwritten. You see several very obvious distinct fonts. For want of a better so. Like this has been added to by three, four different people.

This would be towards the end of the book. Than probably what was added to this.

Gives you the vibe of what would be called a grimoire. So this isn't like a journal or a spell book or. It's not all of those mixed in together. Okay, you do find Leroy's addendum. Who wants it.

So good, you guys. I don't know if you saw that on the Twitch Stream. Three inches maybe.

That could not possibly have gone anywhere.

And yes, you find all sorts of magical, obviously magical symbols.

Please, for the love of God, don't read any of that out loud.

Oh, God, no.

I'm reading it especially if it's in Latin.

If there's anything interesting, I will let you know.

Although I'd like to think that while the three of you guys are going through the book and whatnot, all Nock and I are pilfering the alcohol and cigars.

Oh, yeah, I feel like that is definitely my priority right now. He had good cigars and there's good liquor everywhere.

All right. The book fell from a flaming horse in the sky.

Oh, fuck me.

Of course it did.

It's got herbal knowledge.

I don't trust it.

You can make tinctures from recipes in it.

Does it look like Leroy was using it for a journal as well.

Okay. Yeah. I'm literally reading what Leroy said because I can't read the other wording, I think. I don't know. Haven't tried yet.

There's definitely some not English in this fucker.

Now, Mel and I did help decode some of the magic stuff in.

Yeah, MacGruber, I don't. I don't think Leroy killed the mayor.

No.

Sounds like he passed, actually. Naturally.

You're wrong about something.

Awkward timing.

Okay.

He was still a demon. Like, literally.

He wasn't when he wrote this.

There's a good chance that he turned into it.

Do you think he turned into one or do you think I'm reading?

It's not like when you sell your soul to get a.

Give me a minute. Damn it.

Don't read so fast.

Well, no, I mean, if you can sell your soul to things.

I mean, if you think about it, I also turn into this.

Yeah, that's a good point.

I got taller for some reason, and that's true.

Well, so did Emery, and a different reason. Yeah, I just was thinking, like.

Yeah, we watched that one.

Maybe I woke up taller. Maybe the demon. Maybe like a demon just killed him.

And stole his body, wearing him as a skin suit.

Ew.

I was thinking maybe there was something demonic tied to the book and he got possessed.

But that. That sounds good. I like that one.

I like that theory.

I like that one.

That is a good theory. I like it.

Ultimately, whatever the heck he was, was.

Oh.

What?

What?

Emery was next.

Yeah, I'm not shocked by that.

To go in the trap.

Yeah.

No, they were going to put her in the power.

Yeah. No, we knew that.

Yeah, well, we know for sure. We suspected it before.

Okay, well, now it's confirmed.

Well, look, we were right about a terrible thing.

We were great detectives, you guys.

As far as I could tell from this book, they've opened a gate using they power. Got enough power to get a gate open. I don't know if we've got the gate closed or not. There's not a whole lot terribly useful.

Where would this gate be? Because we were in the bank and there was nothing stuck.

Laundromat, maybe. We haven't been in the laundry room.

I'm sure we haven't been in the Laundromat and there's been a lot of weird talk.

All the places to have a gate to a thing is in the Laundromat, I guess. Yeah, you have a bunch of spinny swirly.

Swirly.

Spinny.

Cycly I knew it was through one of the dryers. I stared at those dryers all day.

We're gonna find the secret tunnel in the laundromat.

Leroy was kind of a jerk, but he was basically taken over by the demon. I don't believe he volunteered.

Well, he made a great.

Yeah, I don't think he volunteered for it. He was an. I'm not saying he wasn't.

Well, that's fine. We'll let Amelia know that her husband's only recently been a demon. So, you know, you're.

He's only recently been.

No, we don't. That's been forever.

I. That's all I can think of. Unless we want to check. I mean, we can check this mansion first before we go down there, but the laundry bat's the only other place we've heard about.

Is there anything in his notes that talk about how they set up the gate? Like, is there references to previous pages or diagrams of magic circles or ingredients?

You recognize the same language you saw at.

I didn't mean to punch my microphone.

And you do find with enough time, you definitely find the flavor of sweet circles that you had. You had seen down there. There is a. An awful lot of writing about the. The bed circles to differentiate them all. The bed circle.

What. What should we do about the.

What came from the flying horse Cat, which will kill.

I don't think you should spend a lot of time looking at this book because the book took over Leroy, so.

Well, we shouldn't leave it here.

No, we definitely need to take it with us for the moment. I think we need to hang on to it till we get, hopefully, the gate shut or confirm that it's shut. Maybe it shut when the power went off, but the way all the town folks are acting all weird, my guess is it might still be open and.

The signs are still weird.

Go ahead and roll. The two of you who've read through this book an investigation. Emery, I'm gonna give. I'm gonna give Elliot disadvantage because it is in a different language.

14. Okay, with disadvantage, I rolled 14 and 15.

Yikes.

Plus nothing.

What's nothing?

It's a 19.

It. All right, so, conveniently, a lot of the work you had done at MacGruber directly translates over.

Okay.

A lot of talk about change, which was the focus of MacGruber's work was changed. You recognize the symbols as being similar to what MacGreaver was trying to draw, and you can tell that what you're looking at is the ceremony for name and bay. And the interesting part Is, you see, there was. There was a portion that Lollibear was reading, right. And then there was a section that sounded distinctly different. You can see that that part was added by a different hand.

Okay.

After the fact, you're able to put together the idea that you need to isolate the seal and you need to. The best you can gather is force your will upon it. Okay.

We can't decapitate it. It doesn't have a head.

Hit it real hard.

I was thinking.

But as you're looking through, you actually see quite a few references to healing curves and stuff. You've gotten familiar with Leroy's script where you're seeing things along the lines of, you know, this is awesome. This treated an infection in like a couple hours, stuff like that. And you're seeing other things where it's like, I am fully confident this plant does not exist. And, you know, especially actually, Elliot, reading through, looking at some of the plan plants. They are. They're. You've never seen them. They are totally alien.

I mean, I guess swing by the.

Grocery store and pick up some salt. We need to isolate it. The only thing I know to do is. Yeah, salt.

You know, I have been salting our food.

Yeah, but we're going to need a lot of salt.

I'm just saying we have salt.

Well, we can use your stash or we can use the town stash. I say let's use the town stash.

So that we can continue salting our food.

I like salt.

I was gonna say, are we gonna pick up your Winchester while we're at it?

Do I get one? Sure. I would be more than happy to pick up a Winchester.

I was making an oblique supernatural reference.

Having never seen it. I'm sorry. It fell on deaf ears.

It's a 20 year old.

They shoot with salt. They do. Yeah. Well.

Well, like says very old superstition about salt keeps out. It says to isolate.

My other thought is putting it in the vault.

There's a lot of other magicy down there right now though.

That's a concern.

That's true.

You put it in a Ziploc bag full of salt.

I think we should put it in.

A sock or getting it away. Away from town.

A big lumpy wool sock of hope.

For the listeners in home. This is an inside joke to a completely different campaign.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I couldn't resist it. Evil things go in wool socks. It's just a fact.

Knit hand knit wool socks. Yes, but that's. That's my ideas. Go check out The Laundromat. See if we can find the gate or whatever.

Now, after the ceremony, do we know what they did with the seal? Did it remain as part of city hall? Or, like, did it go somewhere? Did they put it.

Oh, that.

It's not in the park.

The seal's not in the park.

It's not where we regularly saw.

Okay, I'm still leaning towards laundromat. It's the only possible reason.

I think so, too. I think we should up the house here while we're here.

I think just.

We don't have to double back just in case it is here.

Yeah.

You know what, guys? I'm gonna check the kitchen because, you know, I don't taste that good.

Grab whatever salt you can find in there. Yeah, he's a good enough cook. He's got plenty of salt.

Oh, yeah.

Special seasonings.

Let's go through it mildly, Lightly. I mean, I guess Amelia still has to live here, and I don't like her, but I don't like her. I don't hate her that much.

And we're taking the grimoire with us? Yes, absolutely. Good. Okay. I thought so. Because I think we need to destroy this thing, too.

Yes, I'll hold it. I won't read it because I don't like reading if I don't have to, and I don't have a soul to steal.

You know what?

Weirdly, no.

You have to get a pestilence.

All right.

My soul is taken, thank you very much.

Taken up with who?

Bogey 1, whose book this belongs to.

I don't think it doesn't belong to a Bogue Wan. It has a different name in it, and I'm not going to say it out loud because I don't trust that.

Well, I mean, it felt like. But it didn't have a flaming horse. The boogeyman killed the guy who had a flaming horse.

No, it did not.

What if found? Please return to ufogi.

He's got his library card.

Yeah.

No, it explicitly says the book says its name is something else.

Oh, I'm not gonna say the name of a book out loud. That sounds like.

And then it also says. So this is an entry from Leroy, says the book says its name is. I believe it. It says my name will soon be the book's name. I want that to be true.

I don't want to read that. Thanks. I. I'm just gonna hold it.

I'm pretty sure you wrote it.

Yep.

Yep.

I was very.

Mel's just gonna hold the book. She's not gonna Read it. She's not gonna open it. She's not gonna.

The good news is I don't think it's a boogie one, so, you know, it may have come from one of his lackeys, but.

Well, yeah, it was kind of say, if it fell from a flaming horse. That's. I hate the name. I really hope there's not a lot to.

Read it.

Don't let me read this. I'll say that out loud.

Get away from me.

That's a good point.

You can also make a quick history check to clarify something that you read.

Yeah, I'm not. Great. Seven.

Okay. Well, with a seven, you know, you're not the only person named Elliot in town.

Yeah, I think. I think it was referring to Tracy Elliott, not necessarily me. She was one of the girls that had gone missing.

She's got a girl. Tracy Owens.

Tracy Elliott is Luca's sister. He works at the hotel, right?

Yeah. She was one of the girls at the inn. We were talking with him about her.

She was the one that. She went missing.

She's the one who turned the fridge brake.

Oh, yeah.

Good memory. Well, I'll give you inspiration for that.

It's on the. It's the second entry on the back page there. That entry is from before we got to town.

So do you also remember that you were nowhere near here on Cinco de Mayo?

I do think I would have been next because I was doing my best, but there was no way I was going to hold it together much longer. So something in that magic circle they had going on was really putting my magical senses on edge. And I have to imagine it was doing the same for a lot of the other girls.

Sure.

They probably used that definitely as a way to.

I know Edna May was reacting to it, too.

Yeah.

Almost like bait on a hook.

Yeah.

So once they had one, it was much easier to find more.

And according to that, the book for told it. The first one.

Yeah. You guys have time to loot the house, so to speak?

Yeah. Want to search through the whole thing? I am not being delicate with any of this.

I suddenly have acquired.

I have a lot of cigars and booze.

Same.

I go to give me investigations.

I mean, I'm looking for the thing, but that's also. Anytime I see it.

17.

That's not a number.

You're correct.

18.

Also 18.

Natural. 20.

26.

Damn.

So I'm gonna. 7 minus 1. That's a 6, right?

You got a little hung up on the booze.

Yeah, I might have taken a few swigs.

You're holding all.

Found his humidor and you never made any further. Ooh, look at these.

You find yourself in the women's parlor, and you find this weird bottle of alcohol that at the top has got a hose that leads to a squishy bag.

He gets caught up in the perfumery.

I'm gonna drink it.

Make a constitution. Should save.

I made with a barbarian stomach.

You open it, take one sip.

Wrong kind of alcohol, my friend. It's like less stupid.

Same.

You're not supposed to. You're not supposed to drink that. You're supposed to breathe that.

I did not roll good.

So you take one sip and then end up.

I rolled a four, so that gives me a nine.

Laying on one of the chaises in the women's parlor, feeling so nauseous.

You are fucked up. That stuff is not meant for human consumption.

You're just laying on this Shay clutching the fancy waste basket.

It's okay, guys. Give me a.

That one was rough.

Okay, what year was it?

1467, I think.

You find a cool pair of boots. You find a delicate silver chain with a brilliant cut black gem pendant.

Let the damn finish his list.

You find a hollow metal tube that's about a foot long.

Okay.

Excuse me.

It's me making the creaking noises on.

The shake, I think. While Mel starts investigating, she has this moment of, what do I do with this giant book? I only have two hands. And then she remembers she has a hole in her pocket and gets super excited.

Fantastic.

Shoves the tome in a hole.

Oh, yeah.

Yep.

The looney Tunes hole.

There's our knitted socks.

You find a set of dice, seven in number, and they're all different number of sides. One of them appears to only have four.

Of them.

Looks kind of like a soccer ball.

These look oddly familiar, but I can't place them.

And the one that looks like a soccer ball is actually made out of metal.

No.

I bet you some. Some crazy people will probably collect a lot of this.

Probably.

Nope, don't get that. I'm not bringing that in the podcast. The tentacle rod? No. Oh, the description doesn't help. And this is somehow from the dmg?

It is. I played in a game where that came out.

It's.

There is no way this group of people are going to have.

No, no, no.

Just with me in the party. You don't want that thing around. No, no, don't do it.

Terrible idea.

Our maturity level cannot handle.

That's. How many things is that giving you? Like four, right?

Four.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's boots, metal rod, dice set.

I found perfume. To be fair, it didn't take taste fruity for a second.

Oh, look. Are you sure you didn't. Are you sure you weren't a marine?

Yeah, I, I would like.

Apparently you hung out with them too much. Just because it's in a bottle doesn't mean you should drink it.

Well, you know, it was a cool bottle.

I thought it was sailor. Never mind, never mind.

I would like to recommend a. What? That those pitchers that are constantly refilling, full of health. I think we find one of those.

That would be great.

Isopropyl, the kind you can't drink that.

That just throw that in. In case you're looking for inspiration.

Yeah, that's cool.

Guys, my liver hurts.

Can you still see? If you can still see, you're all right.

Yeah.

How many fingers is my spectral hand holding up?

Oh, stop moving.

Why are you drinking perfume?

You're gonna smell so good for a while. So good you burp and it's floral.

I'm not smelling his farts. I don't care what anybody says.

A few days later.

Hey guys, come smell this.

No. A few days later we hear from the words, they do smell like roses.

If the military guy's like, hey, smell this.

No, it's almost always bad. Do not come smell this.

And you find just a fucking gnarly looking bag. Cool. It's got, It's got. The back end is saw toothed, not unlike a K bar. And in the pommel it's got a black pearl nestled in.

Got a full on ship on that thing.

You find. They don't look too dissimilar from like an ACE bandage, a match set. Okay. But there's a loop on one end and Velcro on the other. Black in color.

Mel, these might be good for you.

Yeah, I don't know. Every time I buy hand wraps, they're too big because one size doesn't fit all they fit. Okay, Mel puts on hand wraps that actually fit. This is awesome. What's a B O T?

I don't know. Basic meat tomato.

Basic.

Do you maybe mean dmg? Is that what you were trying to say? What did you. Were you maybe trying to say dmg?

No, it's from a book, but I don't know what book. I'm on a random generate some stuff.

Oh, okay, gotcha. Thanks.

Book of Magical Trinkets.

Hey, that actually sounds legit.

Better than basic meat tomatoes.

Yummy. Meat tomatoes.

So yeah, those are what you find.

Okay, I'm keeping these they fit hand wraps.

The book of many things.

So.

Yeah.

You got some cool boots.

Yeah.

This metal tube. Do we think this is a dart gun?

I mean it's definitely perfectly hollow. It's about a foot long and it weighs about a pound. Is it metal?

I'm gonna show it to Elliot.

And like I know this is outside of game. I think it's an immovable rod but Mel would have no way of knowing.

I don't think those are hollow. And they have a button on one.

I guess is wrong.

Okay.

I out of game vaguely remember what the tube is but I can't remember off the top of my head. And I don't think Elliot would have.

Am I in the right direction with a blow gun?

I rolled a 19.

It is check. One million percent. Not a blowdown. Well, it's as you're moving it around. It's tuned like flute? No, more like a. More like that.

Oh, like a tuning.

Yeah, yeah.

Tuning tube.

It's a tuning tube.

Would one say it sounds a bit like a chime name will ring significantly.

Okay.

I think I.

Does anything happen when it gets wrong?

I do ching it. I think I tap it on the ground or whatever.

Some potentially magical items and we hit it.

I tapped it gently as if you were ringing a triangle.

You hear a really really loud.

And.

A locked desk drawer. Oh, That's fun. Oh gosh.

You can be quieter.

Oh, get over it. Drink some water.

Drink something you're supposed to drink.

It was like five minutes ago. It's going to take you in the morning till you get. Get hungover. Good lord.

Still hurts.

Pull it together so we. I play with that. And drawers unlock.

Don't keep tapping it on stuff.

That was so loud. That scared the shit out of me.

Just.

You know what?

James, who has a. James has a.

Hold on to this.

So this set of dice. A very. There's only the one metal dice out of the set, right? I know you're doing other things. Sorry.

That is an accurate statement. Okay.

All knock. Do you want a weird set of dice?

Why not?

I mean maybe they'll useful one of them is made of metal. I don't know.

We didn't know what the beans were gonna do. But they saved James life over there that one time when he did the dumb. You remember the dumb?

Yes, we all remember.

We all remember the dumb.

Trying to forget about the dumb.

Thank you again.

Em's just going to like spill this handful of dice into ox hands and.

Stare at him for a minute. Cuz I'm trying To just keep them still. Well, try to put them in my pocket. Cuz I don't know what else to.

Do with them right now. Okay.

I've never seen dice like that, so, you know, maybe there's something weird going on there.

Could be something good, useful, some.

You recognize them?

Some reason.

I should though. They look kind of like what my dad used to mess with.

Is he in the gambling?

No, I don't think so. He might have been.

What else would you name that kind of guy?

Do you have access to. We had a lot of discord. For now.

Now is all knock able to resist the impulse to roll a handful of dice?

Nope.

Currently. Probably not. Almost assuredly so. So before I put them in my pocket, I guess because now that she mentions that, I would just have them in my hands and I would probably shake them and throw them on the ground, which may be a terrible idea.

Can I watch this? This way I get my.

I need you to roll a D12.

God damn it.

You had to make it in character. All right.

I had to ask.

I want to know what they do.

I rolled a four.

I was thinking about rolling them, but.

It lights up.

In what way?

It is.

Very similar to your light spell or.

Yeah, very similar to your necklace.

Okay.

Oh, you have. You have math rocks that do magic stuff.

Yay.

Math rocks.

Magic math rocks. Where did you send that to?

I haven't. Because you decided to roll it.

Okay.

Whatever you sent to Elliot.

It requires attunement.

Yeah.

So we don't get to know until we attune first.

Shiny.

These boots are made for Elliot. And we don't know what they do.

They're nice. They're comfy.

These boots are going to do something cool.

Bravo. And you didn't think you had it in you to be a bond.

And I guess by process of elimination, I will take a peek at this delicate silver chain with the gem.

It is something that requires attunement.

Okay, I'll just hold on to it for now.

So what, three attuned things?

Yes.

Over here with the wraps.

I'm gonna put the dagger with the rest of my stabilion planets, which I generally keep close to me at all times.

And somehow you just feel like you need to spend some time with these things.

Yep.

They clearly do something. We just haven't spent enough time with them yet to figure it out. But that's a later problem.

That is totally.

We've got tasks going on right now.

Yes, it is.

We do not find the seal anywhere.

No, it's not.

We think we should scared by now.

I feel like in passing, as we're leaving, we're like, yo, Amelia, your husband wasn't always a demon. He just was an asshole.

I know.

He sucked, like, a lot. He was douchebag.

Good luck. Take care.

I'm taking this. Whatever.

This is my perfume.

Oh, that explains a lot.

We just told you that.

You absolutely fucking reek.

You know what? You can keep your perfume.

Oh, my God. God.

Water.

You should probably take this back.

It's like a. One puff and you walk through it, man.

Yeah, you know. Okay, so what had happened was.

Got your breath?

Yeah.

You want me to explain it all? Knock.

There's a reason there.

I got it. I got it. Jesus, man. Oh, what did. I don't much care for you folks, but I hope you don't have to share a room with him tonight. Holy crap.

Some people will spit that out when they.

You can feel free to leave that on the porch.

Okay. I'm gonna try not to fall down while I set this on the ground.

Y' all might want to, like, make him throw up or something.

We're gonna hose him down later.

I don't think it's gonna be a problem soon.

Yeah.

What happens with the dice, by the way?

It lit up.

Yeah, it lit up 12.

Put them in my pocket.

Glowing. And as soon as you touch it, it stops gluing.

Okay.

Okay. So the metal one specifically.

Yes.

Okay.

Ah, interesting.

Go go Gadget road flare.

Yes. And it is now in your discord.

Okay.

Okay. Well, that's. Sorry about the perfume.

Goodbye.

Bye.

You know, I'm surprised you didn't just, like, in your mouth thinking it was like.

Like breath mints.

It's breath spread.

So we head back to the laundromat, taking a short detours for ulnock to sort himself out.

Gonna give me a concave.

I'm gonna say, I think it's not far from the mansion.

Yeah. Yeah.

Moving and walking. And he has to go lay in some bushes for a minute.

Yeah. You hear some sounds you hope to never hear again. And.

He comes back frequently.

Unlike almost sounds like a zombie occasionally.

All on dinosaurs. All right.

It's not unlike the sound you heard your dog make when separated a bunch of chocolate.

Nothing makes somebody move faster than hearing an animal about to curl.

They always miss the throat rug if they get it right.

Oh, absolutely.

You could have moved 2 inches and got on the thing. I could put the sink. Nope, nope.

Or when you have wood floor, they always throw up on the carpet.

Yeah.

Like it. You. You Were laying on the wood floor. You got up off the wood floor to get onto the carpet.

Oh, there.

Yeah.

I think you need to do another con. I don't know if you heard that or not, Norma.

Yeah, it. You threw up. Okay.

No, I want to try it.

Let me see. I want to try.

Let me try it. Oh, that's what happens. I want to roll the math rocks.

15 plus 5.

Yeah. You threw up. Damn it. 20% of the shit in you. All right.

So I didn't.

Surprise.

I should have thrown. I should. I saved myself badly.

Yeah.

Okay.

Moving right along.

That's actually ironic. Something that would be beneficial.

Yeah.

And we're going to say you guys are able to bob and weave through the crowd, make it to the long road mat. It's locked. But you find.

And you were offended when I said that Shad and Freda made sense that you enjoy that.

I didn't say. I wouldn't say offended. I would just. I don't think I. Maybe I do a little bit.

You just said you want to throw.

Up on a person.

Like that's not right.

Can we see if Leroy's keychain will unlock the laundry mat?

You find a key.

Perfect. Worst case scenario. We could have always.

And it even works on the door. Perfect.

Use the key to cut a hole in the door to put my hand through.

Oh, if it didn't, we have a sticker opening things now, so we're fine.

But yeah. Yeah, you're able to get the door open. You step into the laundromat and from behind the opposing door that you knew the dude worked in, you hear a.

Sound.

And we're going to cut the episode.

Tune in next time. Same batshit time, same batshit channel.

Theater of the Mind presents Retribution is Amanda Arston as Mel Kelly, Jeremy Arston as Elliot Brandy Bain, Michael Burnell as Ulnock Vargar Johnson, Michael Downs as James o'. Brien. Casey Weingarten as Emory Lee and myself, Mike Schmidt. Shock as your dungeon master. We release episodes every two weeks, so our next episode will drop on February 1st. As the versatile musician Dave Matthews said, time just keeps on slipping into the future. If you want to follow us, our social media and website can be found on our link tree, which can be found in the podcast description. Also in the podcast description, you can find a link to Pine Cast, as well as our referral code to get you 40% off your first four months of a paid membership, as well as our referral link to Epidemic Sound, which gets you a one week trial period to their excellent platform. Our music this week was sourced from Epidemic Sounds, who we are not sponsored by under the Creative Commons license. The songs used, in order, are Tumbleweed by Tiger Blood, Jewel under the Dark sky by Johan Glossner, A Ain't Messin around by Will Harrison, and Crossroads by Stephon Carlane. The Theatre of the Mind theme ad break and outro were written by Mike Schock. This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of our collective imagination or are used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual events, places or people, living or dead, is entirely coincident.

Mental.

That 5 minutes of ASMR is brought to you by our friends at Better if that bothered you.

Get right this break brought to you by Get Good.

What is that?

Dis.

That disorder where you, like, can't stand certain sounds.

Misophonia.

That's the one. It sounds like something I was about to say Mesotheliomia. That is not it.

Very different.

I was like, it's on the same track. But that's not it.

No, I mean, in the sense that they're both medical conditions. Yes, it's on the same track.

Miso meso.

Something.