S1:E17 – The Rifle Hospital

Theater of the Mind is a dark comedy horror podcast running d and D five e listener. Discretion is advised. Content warnings are in the description.

Welcome to Theater of the Mind, episode 17. My name's Mike. I'll be your dungeon master tonight. And tonight's question is coming from James D'Amato's the ultimate rpg campfire card deck. And it is, would you rather have the ability to easily lie to people or truly trust people? And how would it impact your relationships?

My name's Amanda, and I am playing Mel Kelly. Mel is so good at lying to people. She lies to herself. So she's already got that trick. So I would say that she would rather have the ability to truly trust people, and that would affect her relationships by the simple fact that she might have some, which is sort of a big void in her life as a rule. So, yeah, she'd definitely be happier, I think, if she could truly trust people.

With our super healthy campaign group of.

Characters here, you know, you really quickly remember that none of these characters are really mentally well, yeah.

At all.

This is where we learn how fucked up they really are, huh?

I'm Jeremy. I'm playing Elliot Brandybain. And Elliot Brandybain, probably, if he could even possibly lie to anybody or care enough to lie to him, he might still be married now, so it probably would have affected his life quite a lot. He doesn't want to lie, but it would be handy from time to time.

I am Brunel. I'm playing Olnack Vaga Johnson. And Olnach is a terrible liar, but he has no desire to be good at it. Okay. However, Ulnok has deep seated trust issues, and if he could know with 100% certainty whether he could trust somebody or not, he probably would be in a relationship rather than being where he is, which is unfortunately something most of y'all don't know, broken and sad.

Well, at least he hides it well.

He does hide it well. Yeah, with dark humor and anger.

He's clearly a well put together guy.

He's perfect.

Any issues at all?

No.

There, there.

I'm downs. I'm playing James O'Brien, and James has stress issues with a lot of the people in his past, and he's a fantastic liar. So being able to know for sure that somebody's being like, I'm pleased, truthful with him, and he's able to trust people that he might actually still be in culinary school, and he probably wouldn't have fallen into the wrong crowds that he did. So I think he would go that route.

I'm Casey. I play Emery Lee, and I'm kind of of two minds about this because Emory is. She tries very hard to be a good person and wants to trust people. But also, we're in a situation now where there's a lot of weird shit going on and we've had to lie for our safety a lot. And so that would be extremely useful to be able to lie believably and not, you know, maybe we could have gotten the sheriff off our tail a little faster. Maybe we wouldn't be on the hook for the Fredrickson.

Fredrickson's Richardson's.

Richardson's deaths. So I think, you know, I could go either way on that. It would be a very useful skill, as things are currently, to be able to believably lie to people.

Yeah, that's fair.

And we have not done a good job of it.

No. No, you have not.

No.

The trick is to believe what you're saying.

Or not sarcastically hide the truth like Alnok did.

That helps to be able to lie about shit that sounds believable to begin with.

Yeah.

When the truth is absolutely bonkers.

Like, look, I know this is gonna sound crazy.

Yeah.

The truth is, they aren't believing the truth from us either.

Like a personal relationships. I don't think Emory would lie to people like this group because we're working together.

But the trick with lying, people ask when to shut up.

Right?

Yeah, that was a really hard episode for me.

But on that incredibly upbeat note, let's roll for recap.

High or low?

We'll go closest to ten.

Oh, I was about to say this, motherfucker. All right, 1512 19 416.

That's gonna be of me.

Twelve.

Okay, so tiny. Sorry, wrong presentation. So I did listen to these earlier this week, but I don't remember which.

Was which episodes you started at camp.

Oh, okay. So last episode, after having an unfortunate experience at the mortuary, we were all back at camp and trying to get a decent night's sleep to the best of our abilities. Our plan is hopefully to pack up and leave town in the morning on James Watch. I don't know which one that was, but on his watch, the whole wolf howling thing gets pretty loud and, like, on the same block we are. So Jacob gets us all up and we head over to investigate the sound of the wolf howls.

Name's James.

Sorry, what did I say? Jacob.

Jacob.

Oh, sorry.

That's the little child.

When did we give Jacob watch?

I didn't even pick up on that.

We are all dead to the world.

Jacob is doing all that.

I can't tell you. I cannot tell you how horrible I am with names. It's embarrassing. It really is. Anyway, sorry, James. James gets us up. And so we all go to investigate whatever is going on at this house after a rather harrowing, disgusting, and kind of painful battle. Like, I think Mal has a concussion with a bunch of recently undead partygoers. We didn't succeed in killing Griff and killing, multiple times some zombies. There was a couple of people in the house that we did rescue. Fortunately, Emery discovered that she could cast flowers and butterflies before she goes into valve battle.

I didn't know that I was casting that.

No, but it did make the battle.

A little less awful and destroyed those bathrooms.

We made it look like a night of.

We destroyed that house. That house is done. Unfortunately, in the midst of the battle, Ulnok was bitten by Griff a couple of times. We're all a little concerned about that. And when we left off, we were. Several of us were out of spell slots. Some of us had concussions, and we were planning on taking Olnach to the hospital.

Perfect. That is an excellent recap. And that's right where we will pick up. You have the mom and the child who I don't believe have introduced themselves beyond mom and child outside the house, which was located very near your camp.

Has anyone else come outside at this time, or is everyone pretty much like, they heard a ruckus and they're staying in their homes?

Everybody is staying in their homes. You didn't really look on your way in, but on your way out, you are seeing that every curtain anywhere nearby is completely closed. Kind of. If I don't see it, it didn't happen, maybe kind of vibe.

These people are going to have to figure out. If you don't help your neighbors, you're going to be alone.

Yeah, well, that's for them to figure out. I think we're done helping here. Like, can we just pack up and go? Yeah, I'm over this place.

I'm pretty sure it wasn't. It was Olmach's arm that was, like, really nasty, torn up, like.

Like, chunks missing.

We were gonna take him to the hospital because none of us have the skill.

Yeah, the, uh, the mom and child are obviously also in shock.

Yeah, I'm gonna. I'm gonna talk to him briefly. It's just like, hi, my name is James, not Jacob.

Sorry, it's been a rough night.

Hi, James, not Jacob. I'm Beatrice. This is my kiddo, Nancy.

Pleasure to meet you. I'm gonna hold out a hand and see if it's like. It's kind of gross and Grimmy. I'm gonna wipe it off real quick.

Then she'll just kinda. Thank you.

Well, we're planning on taking our compatriot to the hospital. You want to come with? Might be a good idea.

Well, we didn't get hurt.

I'm going to check them over, make sure they haven't been bit at all.

They haven't been bit. They show no physical wounds. They're pale as shit.

Where do you live?

We thankfully live not here. We live on the other side of town, over kind of near the hospital.

Let's haul head in that direction again.

Maybe we can drop you off of your house on our way to the hospital.

There's no way this will be awkward.

Appreciate. I've never been more scared in my entire life.

That's fair.

Oh, with that said, I would like to stop by the tents and pick up Jacob and Charlie.

There's an idea.

That is a good idea.

I think we should just grab all our shit.

Yes, yes, I agree.

While we're there, I'm going to pull out my first aid kit and I'm going to apply first aid, actually. Oh, it's pretty decent at it. To almox arm. Ooh, nice. 21 for a medicine check.

Yeah, you're able to bandage it up real nice. And you having rolled that well, you saw him get bit. It was recent. It's not looking good. It is no longer bleeding. It is. To your estimation. It looks like he got the shit bit out of him like a week ago.

Hmm.

You know, when I was in. When I was in Iraq, I saw a guy that was trying to adjust a timing belt and he got his arm sucked into a fan on a armored car. It looked a lot like that. Good job. Don't do that. We're gonna. We'll have him check you out. Hopefully we can get some.

You mean get my arm caught in a belt timer?

Yeah, or, you know, werewolf mouths.

Ah, that makes more sense.

Would you keep your arms out of other people's mouths?

I mean, in his defense, he was trying to rip his throat out, so it's probably better he got to his arm rather than his throat.

Yeah, but.

Yeah, I put my arm up there. I was trying not to die.

Hey, you made that sound and everything.

Yeah, I think I did.

So please, let's go see if we can find a good sawbones to see if we can get that cleaned up better. But that's what I can do for it.

Which was awesome.

Thanks, man. Appreciate it.

So you guys roll back to camp?

We hurriedly pack all our shit, put everything away. None of us are sleeping tonight. It's foregone conclusion.

Yeah, honestly, even Mel might not be too stupid on this one. That's my conclusion. She's too stupid to get nightmares.

It's one thing to talk to a guy you think is probably a werewolf. It's another thing to see that guy is a werewolf. 100% mauling things and seeing the wake of his destruction.

Yeah.

Munching on the arm of a friend.

Yeah.

Not to mention the twice and thrice killed people.

Child zombies.

Yeah, that is not okay at all.

That is the stuff of nightmares.

In fact, speaking of nightmares, Emery, how are you doing? You got scared to death by a ghost again. How you doing?

Oh, you know, not great. I don't really want to think about it.

You know, we're not opening that particular box tonight.

If we. If I think about it too long, we might not get to the hospital. So let's just pack up and go.

That's a tomorrow box. Yeah.

We left most of the alcohol we stole at Elliot's place, and I'm regretting it now.

Oh, we can always find more. I saw like three liquor stores in the way here.

Yeah. Yeah.

I think we're unpopular enough in town as it is.

Fair.

Fair just got redeemed.

You could trade something for it.

Oh, yeah, absolutely. Totally. Get it legal.

Uh huh.

Weak.

Let's get Olnock patched up first.

You guys make it back to camp? I think you guys left Jacob with one of.

We left him with Charlie's tent.

Yeah, I think you left him with like one of James's knives or something.

That's right.

He is brandishing the shit out of that.

It's okay, Jacob. It's us.

That is soldier.

You know the code word? There's a code word? Remember the code word, Jacob?

What is the code word?

I'm not supposed to tell you.

That's the purpose of the code, Jacob.

You tell me the code so I know it's you.

You know what? He has a point.

He does have a point now that.

I think about it.

Good job, Jacob. It was a test.

Stranger danger, buddy.

I got it. I was really hoping he could remember the code word. Cause I forgot.

See, the trick with the code word is you gotta remember the code word.

I know.

Pineapples. Was it pineapples?

No, that's a different code.

Oh, that's a safe word.

They'll get into certain households.

That's not our codeword.

It's a whole other.

Well, regardless.

Arugula.

Arugula.

What's the best vegetable after kale? And you say arugula, obviously. Sorry.

Oh, it's a vegetable.

I think Jacob thought it was just a sound effect. Yeah, probably that's what the horn does.

I thought you just made it up so you couldn't accidentally use it in conversation.

Well, that's probably true.

All right, pack your tent and sleeping bag, buddy. We're getting on the road. We're not staying in town.

He packs up quick. All of his captain underpants books are properly secured.

I feel like he's got a little knapsack that's just full of captain underpants books.

James is gonna be eyeing olnach the entire time, like expecting him to sprout fur at any given moment.

So you guys are able to pack up pretty quickly. It is the dead of night, so it takes even pretty quickly in the dead of night. Takes some time. Visibility is not great. You're working off a campfire light. Well, I mean, Elliot and James can see fine, but the rest of you are working off a campfire light.

Yeah, we can do it hasty and fix it while Almock's getting checked or something.

Question. So, if I got bit by a werewolf, would one of the signs be nightmare? Would I be able to see better at night now?

Possibly later.

Okay.

Not yet.

I'm just curious.

Yeah, that's a valid question.

Interesting.

That'll be a hurdle we'll cover later, depending on how things go. Cool.

Cool. So we finished packing and head to the hospital.

Perfect.

Kind of keeping Beatrice and Nancy in the middle of the group.

Yes. Yes. They're not able to help much, but they do their darndest and not be in the way, which means you're tripping over them most of the time. But you guys are able to pack up, no sweat, and you head off. She's able to tell you where the hospital is, and you're able to head off in that direction. It's maybe a 30 minutes ride through dead silent town. So the clip clop of your horse's hooves on the pavement sounds louder than hell.

They are very loud.

You can hear all the rustling of your packs. You possibly for the first time realize just how much noise you guys actually generate. Traveling. But it's a fairly peaceful night. Calm. No, no weather, really. You know, we're getting pretty much. This is the last night of April, so it's not warm yet, but it's not bad, particularly now. That you guys. Adrenaline is crashing, and you're able to feel temperature for the first time in a couple hours. You know, it's not unwelcome. Those of you who just got normal, beat up are kind of grateful for the chill. It's kind of easing some of your aches a little bit. And you're able to make it to the hospital. The rifle hospital, much like the town, is not very large. I've not personally seen it, but I'll assume it's just a two story building. And, you know, again, there's no power, so you. You don't see much in the way of lights. There's obviously candle light in some of the rooms. And they have a couple of big oil hurricane lanterns out at the. Where the ambulances used to pull up. The emergency exit seems to be what they are using as the entrance now, the primary. And you do see some folk milling around inside as you get close, Beatrice and Nancy just kind of peel off and head towards their house. You basically walk right past it to get there.

Take care of yourselves.

Yeah. You took care of that, right?

We're pretty sure.

Yep.

Pretty sure. Oh, probably like that. Like, 98% sure that that's specific problem is not a problem.

He was so scary.

Yeah, all the big doc. Yeah. It's dead for sure. Yeah. Yeah, dead.

Good.

Won't come. Won't come after you anymore. It's good.

You good? I'm gonna wave my hand real quick. Yep. Stay with us. Stay conscious.

I'm good.

I might be able to sleep tonight then.

Well, that makes one of us. I hope you have a peaceful rest of your night.

God, I hope so. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. So I don't know where. I don't know why you were. I don't know where you came. Thank you. There was no stopping him.

Yeah, it's definitely once in a blue moon kind of situation.

This is not the time, James.

I don't get it.

It's okay. We'll explain it later.

Okay.

Keep moving.

Copy mechanism. My bad.

Like, five minutes later. Oh.

There it is. So, you guys.

That's not funny. No, it's not.

You guys roll up to the hospital and, you know, again, the same as pretty much everywhere else in town, there's an old bike rack out front that's now very obviously the horse hitch. There's a series of them, probably more here than most any place because hospitals tend to like to reinforce healthy behaviors. So there's a lot of bike racks out front. So you're able to hit your horses pretty comfortably. You can see that somebody actually kind of hauled in some hay near them, so there's some feed for the horse just kind of sitting there. A little water trough. It's a little icy, but it's not froze over, so the horses could drink while they're resting up and everything. You guys step inside and. Yeah, this is. It's eerie. But hospitals are always kind of eerie. They're just not comfy places. Anyway, the fact that now, instead of it having the horribly harsh overhead lighting that all hospitals. Candlelights, mostly through here, some fairly ghetto rigged wall sconces, for the time being, holding candles.

Do we see any staff?

Yeah, there are a couple of nurses milling around right up front. They see you guys come in, and, you know, this isn't unlike a normal hospital. There's somebody sitting behind the intake desk. She sees you come in, and she kind of gestures you towards her.

Hello. A friend of ours got bit by a rabid dog.

Rabid?

Probably not.

Probably not rabid, but definitely a dog.

Oh, no. This is gonna hurt.

Okay.

Uh, well, let me. I'm gonna need your name and whatever information you can give me.

Do you have an insurance girdle? Milk.

Do those still work?

I haven't. I haven't worried about those in a little while.

I have one, but.

So she takes you through the intake process, which is which arm are you hurt?

On on a scale from one to ten, how much does it hurt when I stab your arm?

Right.

And then they kind of direct you towards the seating area. We were never a particularly outrageously well staffed hospital before. That's going to take a second. Everything takes longer now. I apologize. You don't. Your bandages still look clean. How long ago were you hurt?

Uh, like, yeah, or two. Pretty recent.

Oh. So this can't be bad.

Oh, your bandages aren't even bleeding.

Or your bandages aren't bleeding. Your bandages aren't even bloody.

What? That's unusual.

Well, his arm's not gonna fall off right now. I'd like to get it checked.

Oh, as well. Especially if it was a potentially rabid animal. Yeah, that is not one you gamble on.

No, it's not.

So she directs you towards some not quite comfortable furniture. You guys are able to sit. And while you're sitting there, you do hear a fairly familiar voice. Kind of back down the hallway, aways kind of away from you, but within earshot, a deep, mustached voice.

I was just gonna ask you guys if we should go update the sheriff, but it seems like he's here.

Yeah, I think we should tell him what happened.

Anybody hear that mumbling? What the hell is that?

Mustache comb. Mustache combat.

We'll talk with him.

Perfect.

So you guys get up and you kind of head in that direction. Nobody tries to stop you. There's no hotel security or anything concerned about that stuff. Hospital. There's really no hotel security. There's no hospital security.

Before we actually make our way there, I assume it's, like a stereotypical waiting area. I'm going to try snagging a cooking magazine.

Sure, you can grab a magazine.

Arthur Stewart.

Yeah, yeah.

There you go.

Modern living, which by general role, is at least five years out of date and heavily thumbed through.

Yep. There's a couple guns and ammo magazines. Highlights for children.

I used to love these.

Are there any where the puzzles haven't been done? I'd steal those for Jacob.

Roll a D 20. Roll a. Look.

Ooh, Nat 20.

Yes.

Wow.

They appear to have gotten the last shipment of highlights for children ever.

I grabbed, like, two for Jacob, and then when I go to a third one, I start reading it and be like, wow, these puzzles are hard. Perfect. Search the.

Can you find the seven differences between these two pictures?

Right.

I'm really bad at those.

They're hard.

They really are.

Hey, guys, how many eyes are in penguin?

I'm pretty sure one.

Just one.

Just the one.

Well, they actually have two eyes. They're both.

I really expected that one from James.

I'm just.

Yeah, well, the adrenaline is coming down, and we're all getting a little slap at. No, apparently.

I always loved having to go to the eye doctor. They have your glasses and they're working on them, and they give you one of those books, like, here you go. Entertain yourself. It's like, I can't currently see, how's my glass?

You're holding my eyes in your hands. What do you want for me?

Like, ooh, look at those blurs. Those look nice.

You're up here with the bag of.

Kind of the same picture.

What a way.

It's battering of color in front of my face.

That blur is slightly darker than that blur.

So we'll head down the hall to go see what Sheriff Jordan's up to.

Perfect. So as you get closer, you see that Sheriff Jordan has a fair bit of chain on hand, metal chain on hand, and he's got a female doctor with him. And as you approach, you hear them. Well, that should seal off the rear end of the hospital, quarantining that area off fairly effectively. Based off of what I've seen, they're not wicked intelligent. So I think that'll secure that into the hospital off. The question that we need to address here soon is kind of twofold is what do we do for the near dead, the dying. And once they get there, how do we keep them that way to begin. Oh, and just in time. We actually have the resident experts on the recently reanimated.

Sheriff, if you don't ask questions, I can answer your question you just posed to the doctor.

What?

What can keep the re dead from not being dead?

Keep em dead.

Keep em dead. I'm really tired.

What can keep the recently dead dead?

Yes, that one.

You can answer that question.

Yeah, as long as you don't ask us too many questions as far as.

Why we know that.

Okay.

If you cut the head off, they stay there.

Yeah, that would happen most of the time.

Also silver.

Silver helps Silver.

Maybe. I think almost everything we fought together had lost its head.

Oh, that's right. What did we do?

Fire. I like fire.

What did we do to the group that we just left? Thought we cut their head off to make.

Beheaded one.

What did we do?

Whatever. We left. That's what we did. We left.

We stabbed him with silver. Right? I think that's what we did. I'm asking the GM this, not sheriff Jordan.

Yes, that is what you did.

Okay.

Okay.

Well, what?

That's what I tell.

So silver is what keeps them dead.

So we think also magic, but that's a harder one.

So fire did not keep them dead.

That's true. That's a true. Good point. Start with silver.

Update you on some recent events.

But you can't ask questions. We established y'all didn't know this the.

Last time we did this. The first time you killed the things we thought they stayed dead.

I think probably.

We think so.

Just kind of leave. God, I hope they stayed dead.

Yeah, we don't know.

You know, I do, too, actually. I didn't think about that.

I don't want to do that again.

Yes.

So we have good news and we have bad news.

Okay, well, let's get the bad out of the way.

There was a recent murder at a.

Neighborhood down the road from where we were camped.

We think they may have been having a party.

Yeah, the wolf attacked him.

The wolf attacked him. But on the positive side, that wolf won't be attacking anybody ever again.

It is very dead.

And two of them are now safely at home, unphysically injured. You might do a welfare check, though.

Kristen Nancy, who lives just down the road, we got them back home safely.

He pulls out of his breast pocket, one of the cliche detective notebooks, and he writes them names down. All right, I know who you're talking about.

You should absolutely do a welfare check on them in the morning, but probably not till morning. I don't know. I get the sense Beatrice might shoot first and ask questions later.

That makes sense if she's anything like her moth.

Yeah.

Unfortunately, that was all we were able to get.

And a fair warning. The house that was attacked. You know, I don't know if we closed the door, you'll be able to know which one it is.

It's pretty obvious which one.

Probably a hole through the wall you can step through.

It's pretty rough.

All right, well, it sounds like it's in on. Yeah, on par with several other houses that I've dealt with recently. The Fredericks and the Gutierrez Fredericas.

Plus some. What's that word? When you accidentally make things worse while making them better?

Collateral.

Yes, yes, there's some of that. To the structure, to the house itself. Yeah. No, no, no. It was just the house itself.

Y'all swear you only killed things that were dead ones?

Absolutely.

Then the couple that were dead twice.

And the murder wolf.

Yeah, I like that. I like that.

The murder wolf.

Yes.

Had. Well, this is conversation I can find out for myself elsewhere. I won't ask too many questions. Y'all look like you've been through it tonight.

We've been through it together. Yes. I got bit.

Did you finish filling out your paperwork?

Yeah. I'm sorry.

Meanwhile, the receptionist is just like, dude, you can't just go wandering off.

I need paperwork.

Did I read that right?

That's correct.

I thought you were here. I thought you were here for your arm, not for a concussion.

No, I have the concussion.

No, he's just like that.

Well, let me go grab. Should I just grab a thing for everyone y'all need?

Yes.

I mean, that prob. Yeah, let's do that.

I'm okay, but only one of us needs the right.

I was gonna say she might need a psych eval, but so do all of us, so. Never mind. Let's not even go down that race tonight.

I feel like if we do a psyche valve, we're gonna wind up in.

Padded rooms, I believe.

I don't want to have to break out of one of those again.

Medical only medical.

Anyway, the doctor is just standing.

Oh, good, doc. Look at him first, and then look in there and see if anything you can find. Anything?

Find anything in.

He points at Amory behind her, motions around her. Top of her head and see if you can find anything in there.

My name is Mel, thank you very much.

Oh, Mel, what's your birthday?

That's not nice to ask a lady. How old?

No, I'm not.

It's a concussion question.

Oh.

Who's president? Is that a thing?

I don't think anymore.

Do we care who was the last known president?

It was the last known.

I'd ask what day it is, but I don't know the answer.

What day is the last night of April? We heard that in our intro today.

Oh, you guys know what that means?

Oh, God.

It's gonna be maybe.

Wait, even better. They're gonna be over here asking your concussion questions, and she's gonna be like, my cell phone works. And they're like, sweetie, you were really hard, weren't you?

What are you supposed to do when you actually have voices in your head with their own ringtone?

The voices in my head have ringtones? Great.

She's a happy shot. Just put her down.

Oh, yeah. You guys, I'm sheriff. You seem to have the lockdown fairly under control. I apparently just got busier. Uh, I'll. I'll have a nurse come grab you shortly. I need to go prep the exam room.

Yes, ma'am.

Oh, thank you.

For what it's worth, I am perfectly ma'am, so y'all can be checked first. Also perfectly fine mentally and physically. I am all there.

I don't know. I got punched by zombies multiple times, and it kind of added up.

Zombies?

I don't know. Punch missing somehow.

I'm at about 50% of capacity here.

Really?

Because I hit rest. Cause.

Yeah, you got knocked unconscious because of.

The ghost, and then she got healed. Someone healed healing surges or not surges.

I did that last time. Elliot healed things.

That's why I'm feeling okay. I'm feeling okay.

You look rough, but you feel good. All right, so the nurse scrambles off, um, concerned.

Um, they're reasonable.

And, uh, the sheriff just kind of updates you briefly. You know, they've gone through, and they have segregated off the ICU, uh, turning it into an impromptu barrier between the morgue and the patients. Uh, and they have a triage area set off in a different wing of this properly sized hospital where the sickest are. But they had had a fair few die leading up to now, not just from the horrific wolf attacks, but also just normal. They had unhealthy older folk in this town that no longer could have ventilation, no longer could have any of these other necessities. And he does say that there was absolutely evidence of there being undead or re alive beings in the back area. But he. He says, be perfectly honest with you. As morbid as this may seem, I think my deputies need a little hands on experience with the newest threat to our community. So we will be taking care of that problem a different day.

I'm honestly glad to hear that because I did not want to volunteer, but.

That'S a bit rude. But we hurt a lot.

It makes the morgue look pretty good back there. It's. It's. It's pretty rough, but. But that's gonna be. That's gonna be our training grounds for want of a less training.

You get accurate. Accurate at shooting or you get dead, huh?

Yeah.

Trial by zombie.

We got deputy Hara Hallstrom has a good ammo reloading kit, so we'll be experimenting with different loads, silver bullets, things of that nature. Crazy ass fantasy crap, but, yeah, it be the times. Yeah. So I know I said I might call on you folks, but I think. I think it's time for my men to saddle up a little bit here. They need to know if they can handle this because apparently it's coming.

Yeah.

Yep.

Well, I'm glad to hear that because we were planning on getting out of town pretty much as soon as. As soon as we've been checked over.

Fair. I don't know if we ever spoke, but where y'all going? There's not. I mean, right now, everything I've been taught is when the shit hits the fan, you protect your castle, you hunkered down, and you make your house as safe as you can and build community networks. And y'all are just blowing through communities, doing some help and then moving on.

Currently.

Sheriff, we've got some information that we believe we might be able to help the overall. What started this entire mess. So we're gonna go see if we can make anything from it. If we're successful and we can accomplish what we want, things might go at least marginally back to normal. But it's gonna take a while. And unfortunately, what we have heard, we can't fix it from here. We have to head east.

Head east? All right.

When? At Boston.

Boston? You're going all the way to Boston?

Yeah, it's gonna take a while.

We're gonna kill a guy.

And I think they gave all locks some drugs.

Wildly out of character.

He said it so nonchalantly. We're gonna go fix some things. Kill a guy. Normal. It's Friday.

It's really.

It's difficult, I guess, attempts to kill.

A guy, actually, this might be helpful information to you. We believe that an entity has come through from a different world or a different dimension by the name of Amoratar. And these undead, when they come back, serve him as his army. That's what we've heard, and we have reason to believe that's accurate.

His goal, from what we've heard is to go to new places and conquer them, either by means of subduing people or by killing them. This is not the first place he's gone to, but it's the first new dimension. From what we know.

Hearing it said out loud again.

Yeah, we were actually told. We were actually told by elves just to make it sound even crazier.

And my cell phone is powered by a magical entity from another plane of existence. He.

I can talk to animals sometimes.

I mean, I can talk to my dog.

No, no, they talk back to him. And he also talks.

He witties like a worse funny.

I love the fact that we're like, don't ask too many questions. We're just gonna tell you.

And no, we can't prove a word. A video.

No.

Oh.

Oh, no. I can prove myself powered by another entity.

Ah, not again. Ah, don't do the ringtone again.

But I won't do that. Cause people don't like it.

Are there any animals around that I could talk to? You give me ten minutes.

You've seen us do magic.

It's.

I don't think we have.

Yeah, that's. We could do other magic.

I mean, I could give myself a high five, you know, may chant high five.

Around this time the doctor or a nurse comes up and grabs olnack and says, doctor Brown's ready for you.

Um, don't bite the nerve.

Exam room three.

Exam room three. Did you say that? Ominous.

Yes.

Exam room three.

Dodge Chanter, the most goth nurse they could have.

Come and hold your fucking hand, maybe.

No, I'm good. I'm fucking with you. I'm fine. I'd probably be all right.

Maybe.

Squids. Come on, you'll be fine.

Somebody could hold my hand. My head hurts.

Hey, James, you do your breathing. Hand.

I don't want to hold his hand. It's still gooey.

I don't want to get kale chips on me. Fine, I'll hold your hand.

I'm being serious. Whole knock, don't bite the nurse.

And then somebody points out that concussion that don't bite me. Being examined for a concussion doesn't actually hurt.

Wednesday items leads you back to examiner three. Um, so, uh, ulnock goes off by himself. Uh, we'll do that scene. Uh, so you go into exam room three. It is exactly like every exam room you've ever been in. There is that, weirdly, never the right height for anything?

Yeah.

Table, bed.

My feet are dangling and I'm six'five.

Yeah.

With the nice paper on it. There's tongue depressors. The only thing out of the ordinary is it's candlelit and the computer is not on. But the nurse, she's still in your overall things? Yeah, yeah, she needs. She. I don't. I don't get guys in coveralls all that often. I need. I need your arms so I can take your blood pressure.

The rifle. Hospital with the oil field, they always coveralls.

Her response is probably going to be more along the lines of, are you going to take them off or am I going to have to cut them off?

I can roll this one up.

Probably on your long sleeves.

Yeah.

Okay.

How high do you need it?

Bicep. I'm taking your blood pressure.

Yeah, let me just hold on. So I'm going to undo my coveralls from the middle and, like, tie my sleeves around my waist. So it's just a regular shirt, like a short seat.

This is the scene they force into the movie if you're played by, like, Brian Gosling or whatever.

Yeah.

Except for your.

He wouldn't be wearing a t shirt.

Yeah.

Inexplicably, he wouldn't be wearing a t shirt under it.

Weirdly enough, he's also oiled up, so.

He'S, like, glistening and freshly waxed.

And all of my scars have miraculously disappeared, which, unfortunately, could be canonically accurate anyway.

Right?

Yeah. So, you know, they take your blood pressure and it's 180 over 20 or whatever. Whatever's good. I think that's good. That sounds not better.

Maybe try 120 over 80.

That's what it is. 120 over 80.

Oh, my God, you're dead.

You've got remarkably high blood pressure. When you get you on medication, your.

Heart'S going to explode.

Yeah, it's the right one, dude.

Come out of your rage.

Just gotta hold on. I gotta do my breathing. My woosa.

Goes through the cliche, you know, family medical history questionnaire, yadda, yadda, yadda.

Yeah.

And heads back out. And shortly thereafter, the doctor comes in, the same doctor that was with the sheriff, Doctor Brown, as you were told by the nurse, she comes in and said, all right, uh, you'll.

Nope, that. Nope, that's not it. Yolnoke, where's the y, buddy?

U l n o k. I have not seen this before. I'm sorry.

Let me help you out. Olnock.

Olnock.

I'm sorry.

My dad.

Johnson.

Johnson.

Yep.

Okay. Why in here? Obviously, your arms bandaged.

Yep.

So why don't you walk me through.

Well, doc, I'm gonna need you to open your mind a little bit. Cause what I'm gonna say is about to be insane, I think.

You let him go alone?

Yeah. Stephanie should have come in there to hold his hand.

So, hey, I offered, and he didn't.

Want that out, to be fair. Ulnok. Your name's Ulnok. And I just helped the sheriff lock down the back end of my hospital to stop zombies from coming through. This is the openest I've ever been.

Okay, well, strap in. Cause it's about to get weird. So we heard howling, which is bad, right? Like, we don't want to hear howling. Howling's not good. Especially the type of howling that we heard. So we went to this house, we tried to help these people, right? And so we went to the house, and there was this big fucking wolf, right? And he was in there, and he was killing people. And we had to stop him. And we were trying to stop the wolf guy from killing more people.

We.

I got bit by the wolf guy, and then I had to kill a kid twice. It was. It was a rough night.

I was there, and I don't even know what happened.

The big point of it is I got bit by what I think, from my knowledge, was a man werewolf thing.

Ok. Ok.

So it wasn't prob. Probably. Probably. It wasn't rabbit. Probably. Maybe.

Okay.

You said you were open to this.

I'm. I'm open. I'm not confident I follow.

It wasn't the best description. It happened very quickly, and I'm. I've probably lost a lot of blood, and it's really hot in here.

Okay. Um. It's. It's all right. Uh, she pulls out a old school, actual mercury thermometer as you.

Where did they dig that up from?

Well, the electric ones quit working.

This one didn't say r on it, so you should be fine.

You do see her pull out an alcohol swab and thoroughly cleanse it, then stick it under your tongue. While it's sitting in, your tongue pulls out. She's got. She found one of them old school demirred. Looks like a headlamp thingy. Yeah. That doctors used to wear. And she brings a candle over and is kind of trying to shine that at each eye. It's not the most natural looking thing ever.

Right.

But she used to do this with a pen, flashlight. So she's improvising, trying to get the light onto each of your irises, or pupils, and therefore the iris. But the pupil's the goal, you know, going through. You've been through it before. I'm assuming Olnach was an athlete. You're absolutely in the navy.

This is a typical physical.

Yep. Checking for any head trauma. You've had doctors try to do this after you got knocked the f out on the line. Kind of trying to check through those things, asking, do you have any headache?

No.

Feeling any pressure in your head?

Not right now. No.

Neck pain?

No.

Nausea, vomiting?

No.

Dizziness?

Not right now.

Blurred vision?

Unfortunately. In and out.

Okay. Okay. Balance problems?

No. Seems good. Matter of fact, better. Kind of weird.

Any sensitivity to light?

No.

Any sensitivity to noise at all?

No.

Uh, feeling like you're in kind of a brain fog?

No. Just kind of sleepy. Hungry.

Uh, who's the, uh. Who's the last, uh, president you remember being in power? I can't ask if he still is. I don't.

Uh, Biden. Biden.

Okay. What town are you in?

Rifle.

What's your birth date?

March 27.

Oh. All right. No, no new irritability, sadness? No feeling particularly nervous or anxious?

Why are you asking?

So it's kind of hot, but otherwise kind of itchy.

All right, all right. Um, well, despite that story, you're not concussed.

I told you it sounded crazy.

Yeah. Yeah. All right. Um, well, let's go ahead and take a look at that arm there, then.

Okay.

So she starts unwrapping your bandage. Um, and like I said, it's Elliott bandaged you up at camp as you guys were packing up. It's been maybe an hour. It is noticeably better, right? It's starting to look like. Yeah. You still. You got the shit chomped out of you. This is a wound that you would see a month later.

Yeah.

Right. It is looking like the scabs are getting ready to start peeling off.

Wow. I swear, it didn't look like that before. I mean, it was bad.

Doc, when. When did this happen?

It's just a couple hours ago. It took a chunk out like I was. We were worried. That's why we came this way.

Okay, well, this is. This is unlike anything I've seen before. I've. The wound this size, if it had happened a couple hours ago, should be a problem. This. This looks like it's a month old. This looks like it happened before the lights turned out.

That was definitely pretty recent. I know I sound like a crazy person. I am. I'm aware. But it happened pretty recent.

Doc, if you don't mind, this is not gonna feel good. Okay, I'm gonna. I want to try to look a little closer.

Okay.

So she pulls out some, you know, tweezers, and gets ahold of. You've got a. You got a spot where one of the scabs is starting to come up. And she starts kind of trying to peel it back, which, you know, it doesn't feel good, but it's not anything compared to, like, when you got bit. Yeah, this would be about maybe a three.

Yeah. Hurts a little bit.

You wouldn't volunteer for this, but it's not the worst thing you've been through, right? And underneath is pink, fresh, healthy flesh.

Okay. Even I know that's fucking weird. Okay.

Like this. I don't know what I can do for you. It looks like it's pretty much done there. I would. I wouldn't even recommend re bandaging this like, this. Just looks to me like the scabs just gotta come up, huh?

That's. It's odd. But, I mean, if there's not much you can do, then I guess. I appreciate your help.

Best I can recommend is. I mean, on the off chance this thing was rabid, we could start the. Were you vaccinated?

Yeah.

You were vaccinated for rabies? That's. That's good, because I gotta tell you, treatment path sucks, but I guess if you're navy. Yeah. They probably did vaccinate you for that.

I grew up kind of in the middle of nowhere around animals, too. We got. We did it just to be safe.

Fair. Fair. So, I mean, unless your symptomology shifts, there's. I can give you a sucker that's about.

Can I get a banana sticker?

Absolutely.

Fuck, yeah. So was my temperature weird? Did you look?

Oh, yeah. She pulls it out. And you're running maybe a little warm.

This whole time he's been answering questions.

Pulls it out, takes a look at it, and you're running a little hot, but not concernably.

Nothing to be concerned about. Okay.

It's weird.

It feels really hot in here, right? Yeah, I guess I'm just feeling something.

I don't know.

Yeah. I mean, as long as you're in town, if anything shifts, you know, come back by. I am wildly curious.

Understandable. I might be turning into a mutant that I read about in the comics one time, 100%.

If I had not just helped the sheriff lock down the back of my hospital to keep the zombies back. I'd be kicking you out for wasting my time and lying to me.

That's okay. Yeah. I mean, that's fair.

This is. By everything I can see, this is a fully healed month old injury.

That's crazy. I swear it just happened.

But I believe you believe that.

That sounded loaded, but, um.

My eyes and the story you're telling me are in a pretty dire argument right now. But again, I just locked down the back of my hospital for zombies. I am mildly concerned about the two children you said you killed twice. I do feel patient doctor confidentiality. It's a whole thing and whatnot. I kind of feel like I got to tell the sheriff about that bit. Maybe you should tell the sheriff about that bit. The sheriff knows you?

Yeah, we talked to him about it already. Okay, can you stab me right here real quick? No, not like deep. Just like a test. Just a little. Like a. Like a. Like a. Like. Like an inch and like pull, you know? I mean, just like a.

You want me to cut. Cut you?

Yeah, let's see what happens. Why not? You want me to do it? Is that what it is? You're.

You don't want to see the blood do no harm? Okay, the hippocratic.

Oh, just give me. Give me a.

Give me a.

Just the cutty thing. A knife. Just real quick. No, it'll be just a second. You're gonna make me run into a door or some shit. You're gonna make me do that.

Turns to the cabinet behind her and pulls out a pack of band aids, hands that over to you, and I get the feeling you're gonna need these later. We got.

Elliot probably has some stuff. No, you know what? I'll take the band aids.

That's. Oh, what? First aid in the apocalypse? Please.

Thank you.

Now I'm gonna go to the apparently actual concussion victim, and somehow. That's not you.

Yeah, she got hit real hard. She got hit when I was killing that kid. Twice.

You have a great rest of your day, Mister Johnson.

I will probably. Hopefully.

Okay. The nurse will be by to see you out here in a minute.

You want me to tell you? Can I have her stab me?

No, please don't. It's a thought experiment.

We need to learn stuff.

Yeah, that's not a thought experiment. That's. That is.

I'm not suicidal.

Flagellation, maybe.

I'm not trying to punish myself. I'm trying to learn.

No, you're trying to have me do it. That's words.

That's not the same kind of relationship yeah, fine.

Have a good. Actually, you know what? You're good to go. We're not billing anymore due to the whole how of it all. Uh, you. You're good to join your group. If you wouldn't mind sending Miss Kelly.

Okay.

Back this. Mel. Kelly. Yeah, Kelly, back this way.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I totally believe that olnlock does not know any of our. Honestly, I believe that all of us, for the most part, don't know each other's last.

Probably not fair.

It's like, Kelly. Who's that Kelly in our party.

Same question.

Who the fuck is Kelly?

The only ones who do is probably James and Emery because we worked at the same place, so we probably saw our names on the docket.

Yeah, on the schedule or whatever.

I think when you step out, Elliot's arguing with the nurse. No, he's housebroken. And it's that little boy's emotional support jog. His name's Charlie. He's perfectly fine to be in here.

James is attempting to sleep all twisted in a chair.

Belle's still working on her word search, sir.

Do you have any idea how much harder it is to try to keep this place sanitary?

He's clean. Look. See? He's cleaning himself right there.

Yep, I can see it too.

I'm just.

Mel, they're ready for you.

By the way, can I break my word? Serge? This really is hard.

Yeah. Yes, you can take the word search, ma'am.

Hey, Jared, you got those knives? Yeah.

How many owls are in dolphins?

Just one.

Oh, thanks. That. That makes it easier.

Of course I have my knives. Why do you need knives?

I need to stab my arm real quick and see what happens. Look. Okay.

She took your arms off a lot better than it.

Exactly.

That's weird. Stabby. Just a real quick one, like on the Terminator, when he cut his arm like that. You've seen that movie.

I'm not gonna remove your arm.

You don't know. I don't mean cut it off. I just mean, like, his first one. Then when he went, like.

Yeah. Then he then removed his arm, like.

Yeah, but I'm not gonna do that. Just put. Okay, just grab your knife and go. Right, like, just poke it. It'll be fine.

I'm gonna pick, like, the knife that's going to do as little damage but still actually, like, break the skin as possible. So I'm not bringing out, like, a bread knife that's serrated or anything.

Just sawing in the.

He pulls out the cleaver.

Okay. All right, now, don't move.

It looks over your shoulder don't cut the tendons.

Yeah.

So, yeah, don't do the wrists, like so. Let's go up top right here.

Yeah. Maybe don't slit your wrists in the hospital.

Pick out a knife and just go.

Yeah. Owl roll to attack with advantage. See how well you hit him.

Here we go.

He voluntarily?

Yeah, but if he rolls, they twitch and he goes bone deep.

Oh, no, he'll still heal, theoretically, but he's gonna hurt a lot.

All right, here we go. I have a plus five.

I don't know. Werewolf's not causing this.

That's cocked. Oh, that was almost really bad.

That was.

18.

Okay. Yeah. You managed to give him a small cut, and it's a d four for a dagger. Go ahead and take that attack.

Here we go. Just kidding. Oh, I've rolled max damage, so that's seven points of damage.

Oh, shit.

The sucker just landed, so I kind of went like.

Ha ha. That was more than I expected. Okay, so it still hurts. That's, um.

If you wanted to know if it still hurt, I could have just poked you. I didn't have to cut you.

I want to see what happens.

Jeez.

It's more than I expected.

Can I. Is the nurse still here? Can I ask, do you have some gauze? You don't have to deal with this one.

The doctor wouldn't do it, so I had to improvise.

You're upset that the doctor wouldn't stab you.

I needed to test something. This is for my well being.

Yeah. I'll figure this out.

Let me just keep him from bleeding on the floor.

I am no longer concerned about the dog being in here. Can he go wait by the horses?

Ma'am, I've got. I've got morons on my teeth. I'm just saying I've got morons on my teeth.

If he goes by, it'll be worse. Just take Mel and bring me some gauze and it'll be fine.

So, yeah, the nurse takes you back to Doctor Brown. And, doc, I need a roll of gauze. Oh, my God. Did he seriously do it? Yeah. Are these the guys the sheriff was talking about? Hello?

God damn it.

I got blood, like, all over my face.

James, next time you stab him like that, slap him first so it makes him mad and then stab. He's a little tougher when you do that.

Oh, yeah.

But the last time that happened, he decapitated a guy.

Okay, that's true. Maybe stand behind me, but slapping.

So the nurse grabs the roll of gauze, closes the door, and you get asked the same series of questions that Olnack got asked, which are you have a headache?

Yes.

Feeling any on a scale of one to six? Six being you feel like you're going to die right now. And zero being healthy, how bad would you say your headache is?

Like, a four.

A four. Any sensation of pressure in your head?

She thinks about it for a while. I don't know. I've never thought about my head before. Is this how it always feels?

Do you have a.

What does my head normally feel like? Um.

Do you think about your neck?

Not usually. I don't know. I kind of have a bruise where I got punched by a zombie.

But on a scale of one to six, how bad does that one hurt?

Like, a two.

A two. Okay. Any nausea or vomiting?

Oh, I've been nauseous for, like, six weeks now. Do you know how gross hunting is? Ugh.

Yeah. Yeah, I used to go with my dad all the time.

Yeah, like, ugh.

You're not from around these parts, are you? No dizziness? Um.

Sure. I don't know. I haven't run into anything lately.

Okay. She does the same attempted light trick, and your pupils are all fucked up. Best I can give you now is, you know, have somebody monitor you while you sleep.

Oh, that's not creepy at all.

On the regular, they don't need to watch you. They need to wake you up fairly regularly to make sure that you wake up well.

Regularly in this day and age? I might wake up even if I died. Like, that's not even a good gauge.

Huh? Yeah, it's okay.

I don't think we plan on sleeping tonight. We're just gonna go.

And she pulls out a couple of sample packs of some prescription strength ibuprofen.

Oh, are they chewable? I like the chewables. They taste like strawberries.

She puts those back and pulls out a couple sample packs of the chewable strawberries.

Oh, yay.

Yeah. Take double what it says. These are meant for people a little lighter than yourself. And just, you know, if I were you, I'd take it easy for a couple days.

Okay.

You are absolutely concussed.

Thanks, doc. I appreciate that.

And somehow your faculties are on the same level as the last guy, so I don't know what y'all are up to. Just, you know. Yeah. Good luck.

Is Gazelle spelled with an s or a z? Z. Oh, I found it.

She points to the top of the word search, where all the words are written out that you're supposed to look for.

Oh, whoa. That makes. This way. Oh, wow. Okay. And then she just starts to click up. Oh, now I see why kids like these. That changes every. Wow, thanks, doc. That was super helpful.

Yeah. Yep. Good. Good luck. And with that, she shows you back out towards the party.

And I'm actively apologizing to the nurse while tearing off gauze for old luck.

And James has gone back too, curled up in a chair.

Guys, I've got great news. I have a concussion and I got chewables.

I'm still bleeding. It's slowing pretty quick, though, in case anyone wondered.

Probably because you're out of blood. Me? Dad.

Concussion. Mel.

High five. Nice.

Woo. I miss.

So, against my better judgment, if you guys.

You don't want us to stay here.

Nope.

Nope.

But you can.

We're gonna be. It's okay. We were planning on leaving anyway. We appreciate.

I could tell you're really torn up about it.

I am so distraught. I don't. You shouldn't do this in your current condition.

You can tell your bosses you argued until you were blue. We're still going.

And you can say you're a person of principal because you didn't stab your patient.

I sure would. Never, ever.

I'm super proud.

I'm not a surgeon.

Good job.

We're not staying here. These seats aren't actually half bad.

No, we were gonna go, remember? We were gonna get out of town.

All right.

Did we get a short rest while we were here?

Sure.

Oh, good.

Yeah, you could have a short rest. Yeah.

That's why James was adamantly trying to sleep in a chair.

So I got a short rest, even though I was getting.

Yeah, you weren't like, you know, performing acrobatics.

No, I was performing word searches, which was almost as bad.

That's a fucking migraine. Like, sounds awful.

Does Mel, like, get my. Because, like, the way she answers some of those questions, someone who gets headaches fairly often.

Never.

I don't know about Mel, but Amanda gets all the time.

Yeah, no, I like, yeah, I've. No, the funny thing is that I have a headache a lot of the time, but I've never had a true migraine. I've never gotten migraines. I just pretty much always have a slight headache.

That's the secret, cat.

I very, like, infrequently get like, headaches that put me in bed.

I. I think I've had maybe two of them that are that bad. And usually I was also had the flu.

That's why I ask, is just like.

Yeah, like, to be functioning on the.

Level that Mel was functioning with a concussion.

You also have to remember someone who does a lot of athletics, including martial art type sports.

True.

This is probably not her first concussion.

Yeah, that makes sense.

With that said, she absolutely failed the question about who's the current president? And she had to think way too hard about when her birthday was.

When is her birthday? Out of curiosity?

November 7. She's totally a Scorpio.

I didn't think that far ahead.

Either that or Virgo.

That's like, no, I'm the Virgo. Mel is a Scorpio.

As a Scorpio, I agree. All right, so, yeah, you guys get your short rest. You can spend any healing tit dice that you would like to spend.

Thanks.

There it is. Yep, we'll take a short rest.

I was just looking for a good stop spot.

It's a great stop spot.

Hey there, listener. It's ad break time. You've heard me talk about two of the platforms that make this podcast possible for quite a while now, specifically epidemic sound and pinecast. But there's a third platform that I've only mentioned the one time. As a dungeon master, staying organized is an essential part of the gig. And to accomplish that, I use obsidian. Obsidian is a free to use open source program with a terrific community of programmers working together to make it the single best note taking platform I have ever used. For example, Jeremy Valentine has put together a suite of plugins that make obsidian an all in one dungeon masters tool, including an initiative tracker, a dice roller, and an encounter builder, which comes with all of the creatures in the DND SRD preloaded. Whether you are a dungeon master, a student, or a working professional, Obsidian's flexible plugins allow it to be the most useful and powerful note taking tool. You can download Obsidian for free at Obsidian MD. As always, we appreciate your support. Please follow us on the social medias, leave a review on your podcast app of choice and share us with a friend. We currently rely exclusively on word of mouth to help us spread, and we appreciate you helping make that happen. Now back to the episode. Alright, you guys are short rested up.

Yep.

And getting ready to or actively departing the hospital, much to their, uh, relief.

What are we talking about? They love this.

Yeah.

James, stab me again. No, um, knife.

What?

Right here.

Let's see what happens.

All right. Um, we wanted to head east of town, right? We just want to keep heading east.

Yeah, I want to head for the direction that went when I did that. Primeval awareness.

I don't remember what I said.

It was.

Right, it was to the east. Well, I remember what the things were I don't remember what direction I said they were in. So they are for sure. The east, I am saying now.

Okay, well, we kind of wanted to go east anyway, and I want to tell the group that. This is really hard to explain, but you know, the elves that we talked to, they were. I don't know, they were really kind of neat, but they were strange. Almost like limes.

Elliot, are you sure you weren't concussed?

Strange like limes?

Yeah, well, kind of that. They. They weren't sweet and they weren't. I don't know how to explain it, but feeling. They weren't sour talking to the elves, they. I had a feeling, like, inside about that. You know, like the undead things. They make me feel, like, dirty and gross and just generally because they're dirty. Generally, yeah. I don't know, just the feeling they give me. It's a very unpleasant, very unclean, wrong feeling. Well, when I talked to the elves, they gave me this. They're different, but they're not bad and they're sharp. Well, that same feeling I got from those elves when I did the trance I did earlier, I got a similar feeling, feeling to the east. We found out that the undead. We ran into the undead using that feeling. And the feeling that I'm feeling from the east kind of makes me think of the elves. I don't know what's there. There might not be anything there, but I would like to go check it out. And we're headed that way anyway.

Yeah, we're headed east anyway. As good a direction as any.

I'd like to go find the blind people. I'm down.

Lead, ho and Mel.

Wrong direction, snotty buddy.

In my mind, they were green.

Oh, okay. I follow now.

In my mind, the undead creatures were. They looked in my mind's eye to be a black, and I detected, and there was some kind of orangeish brownish over that way. I don't know what to even know what that feeling was, but the green things made me think about, what color.

Are we off to? Meet the jelly green people.

Yeah. You guys weren't there?

No.

Fine.

I don't. You. I think I could feel you a little tiny bit for some reason, I think.

Okay.

I don't know.

It was kind of where you were sitting. I don't know what that was.

I mean, I was with you when you were doing your whole, like thing.

Do you think we can nap while we ride the horses?

Any what?

Can we nap while we ride the horses?

You absolutely can. After. You're really good riding I don't know if you guys are that good yet, but you can give it a shot if you fall off. You did it wrong.

You should maybe not try it while you have a concussion. In case you concuss yourself more, just.

Fall directly on your head.

That's actually really smart.

You should probably wear your helmet now. From the bike. You should probably wear that now.

Oh, I did not bring that.

Oh, I figured, you know, after that whole conversation about, like, how it's so important to wear a helmet.

Well, yeah. When you're riding a bike.

A horse is taller than a bike. Why would you not wear your helmet on the horse?

The horse is smarter than a bike.

I mean, it has a brain that prob. Yeah, I guess.

I suppose a train of thought, which is technically correct, but logically not so.

Well, regardless, we don't have a helmet.

I.

Be careful.

I have a blanket.

I do think maybe we should just get out of town and then wait till morning to keep going. But I don't even know what time it is. I don't know. It's dark, that's all. Yeah. Yeah. I don't have a clock anymore.

Are there stars?

Oh, yeah, it looks. It is. Watch. Oh, crap. I forgot to wind it.

Right.

You have the only working watch now.

It's useless.

Yeah, that'll never be.

You'll never know what time it is again.

You'll have to sink it.

The next town sunrise is. And I'll just set it when the sun comes.

Oh, okay, fine.

So I'm gonna wind it up.

Hey, does the clock feature on my cell phone still work?

No.

Way to ask the. Do you have the hard questions?

We'll say no.

If you had the keen mind feed, maybe.

Yeah.

There we go. All right, so east to the green.

People, the lime people.

Right.

East. East. I'm not leading.

Perfect. So you guys hit the road. Clippy, clap your way out of town.

At a very slow pace.

Yeah, you're not rushing anywhere. Nobody feels good. Yesterday was a very, very hard day. You had two battles yesterday. And while you're all technically bandaged and healed, you don't feel good, so you take your leisurely path out. My assumption is you would follow I 70 for a bit. That heads pretty much due east. Otherwise, rifle is pretty mountainous or the.

Frontage road, but it's right off the.

So as you get on it, you know, it's dark, but it's a cloudless night, so you can see. Okay. It's fairly bright.

Can I tell what phase the moon currently is in? Just for you know, shits and giggles.

Totally.

No reason.

Yeah, you can look at it. Roll a nature to see if you can tell if it's waxing or waning.

I don't even know what that means, if I'm being perfectly honest.

Rolling or shrinking.

That is a 22.

22 it is. You're pretty sure you've got four or five days before the full.

Is that right? Okay, thanks. And I'm gonna grab.

You're right. I was gonna.

I'm gonna put Jacob in front of me, and I'm gonna kinda open my coat, wrap it around him, and tell Jacob, hey, if you can go ahead and nap, I'll hang on to you.

Thank you, mister Elliot.

It's been a long night, Jacob. Sorry about that, but.

Ow. That seems to be getting more normal.

We're trying to make it better.

That was the saddest, most cynical thing I've ever heard a child say.

So, you guys, you pretty much have to head due south to get to. Yeah, due south to get to I 70. And then you're able to head pretty much due east, following the road. It does kind of bounce back and forth over the river as you're going. And this is the first time you've really been on the interstate since your second day of the event. And this stretch of I 70 is pretty easy driving. Was pretty easy driving. So there was a lot more high speed travel through here. As such, you're seeing a fair bit more in the way of accidents. Cars are left abandoned. They've been abandoned for a while now. It's been about a month, but, you know, there's no tow trucks, so they're all still there. You could see where a couple of folks definitely were coming up to a corner. Could no longer steer. Some new cars now have electronic power steering instead of any kind of motorized power steering like Hyundai's. And so they lost the ability to steer when the car went dead. Went right off into the river. Yeah, my Hyundai has electric power steering. Don't buy a Hyundai. This ad is never. We are never sponsored by Hyundai.

Even if they ask, we'll say no.

I do have some morals. They can't pay me enough to back their product. They suck. No, but so you see, you're not seeing much in the way of gore and horror anymore. There's a lot of evidence of wildlife having been on the road. You can see as you're traveling along, you see horse scat, you see deer scat. Elliot would probably recognize there is some cat scat, bear scat, that kind of stuff. Along the area here, you can see where some vehicles were. Some vehicles were quite aggressively opened. Be that animal, be that people. Unless you're actively looking, you can't tell how.

I mean, I guess if we're only five days to the full moon, the moonlight's pretty bright.

Yeah, you can see pretty well.

I'm like, it's kind of dark.

I keep a close eye out. Cause if people died along the road, they might still be walking around.

That's a fun set.

That's so inconvenient to me.

But you guys are able to keep traveling. You do see a handful of semi trucks, as you're traveling, that died on the road. The backs of them have absolutely been ripped open. And you do smell some funk coming out of some of the reefers. Cause they no longer are refrigerated. So whatever was in them is now pretty foul. Even a bear can only eat so much meat before it spoils. So you do smell a fair bit of that. But every semi upass has been ripped open.

I'm not surprised.

This whole stretch of the corridor there, you don't go very long in between towns you find right after rifle, there's a handful of real small towns. So there's never an area where the, for want of a better word, vandalism really subsides. So, uh, you, uh, you're able to make it. Uh, you're getting pretty close to the Newcastle area. Um, and as you're traveling, why don't we go ahead and have a round of perception checks?

Oh, yes, that 2022.

Beautiful.

Also 22.

Not 20, 214.

Mine's gonna be my passive.

Okay.

I'm one over my passive. Ten. Killing it.

So 20 two's 14. Passive. Passive. The 20 two's hear a faint melodic cry of pain. Off to your north.

Y'all hear that match up at all.

With where I had the feeling be roughly the raider.

Okay, um, I'm gonna. Did you hear that?

I did hear what?

Huh?

We heard something over there to your north. I'd be pointing to the left. Yes, I'd gone. We heard something off to the left there. I don't know what that was. Can you guys just wait here for a second?

And I had Jacob with you here passing over.

Okay. And I'll do that kind of. Jacob hotstell has taken over.

I can't think of anything worse than being all snuggled up in a warm jacket, dozing, and then being just manhandled over to another horse.

Been there, done that. Yes.

It sucks.

You're woken up by, like.

Warm, cozy chilly now, so cool down here.

Do we see any fire? Lights off that way.

You do not see firelight? No.

Okay, let's go 60ft, 80ft, that way. As quietly as we can and see what we can find. I'll drop the horse hand rain off to somebody.

Sam, let's go ahead and have stealth checks. Copyright?

I don't have any spell slots anymore. Oh, that's not bad.

Hell yeah.

30 2016 total.

Awesome. Yeah. You guys very quietly slip off. As soon as they reach the edge of your guys's line of vision, they are just gone.

I don't like how good they are at disappearing like that.

You guys head off that smell, eating more tylenol?

Never mind.

As you guys head off the highway, you go to the 60ft, you were saying? And as you're moving, you do hear the cries getting a little bit louder just due to proximity. It sounds as though it is a lady in a degree of pain. And you're able to keep moving. And you get into the, you know, this stretch of I 70, it's doesn't take long before you're in pretty much wilderness. You get back up in the quakeies and you come around a bend around a big chunk of bush and you see.

Can I knock an arrow before we. Like, the moment we start hearing that. It's like a female voice. We'd like to knock an arrow just in case.

No fucking injured women in this area. Sure.

I won't draw it all, but I'll knock an arrow as well.

Just for General Devil's advocate. That could be a mountain lion.

She could also be attacked by something.

Well, yeah, but that could be a mountain lion.

You guys aren't there and you're quiet.

Shh.

I'm eating tylenol.

I think you're only supposed to eat a couple of those milk.

Goddamn, they're loud all the way over.

There from like an hour.

They're aiding your stealth by providing a distraction.

Besides, I like the strawberry flavor. Did you know you can lick aspens?

What?

What?

You can lick anything, Mel.

That's the new t shirt right there. That's gonna be right up there with ears of a hawk.

Best earth ever.

I don't know what else said to that.

Ebe made you feel better.

Thank God Elliot's not there.

All right, weirdly, speaking of aspens, you find yourself, you're moving into aspens, and what you see before you as you come around a bend is a crying.

Woman licking a tree.

No, that is not what you see.

You actually see what appears to be a crying woman made of tree. Oh, that's way dirtier. Oh, no.

Wow.

Laying before you guys is a objectively a beautiful. A young woman from all appearances, with green leafy hair and the ashen white skin that very much resembles aspen bark. Hey, Elliot. Green person.

I wasn't expecting an actual green person.

I wasn't either.

That's the first.

And you approach, you observe you, there's a crying tree girl laying before you in the darkish. All right. As you approach, you see, you get close enough, you can see that her foot is caught in a bear trap.

Oh, goodness.

Which has done considerable damage to tree girl.

So I'm going to quietly go. Ma'am? Ma'am? Hello? See if she registers that we're there.

She. If you're no longer sneaking up, she jumps a little bit. She didn't hear you approach. She startled, and you see that cause her to wince.

Sorry, sorry.

Hey, if you hold really still, I think we can get you out of this.

Yeah, that thing's done quite a bite.

To your bark, and I want, before I approach her, I don't want to, like, scare her. So I'm watching for her reaction. So if she looks, like, really scared, I'm going to hold my hands up and go, we're not going to hurt you. We'll try to get you out of that.

Let's go ahead and roll. Persuasion.

Can I get advantage because I'm being.

Really gentle, that I'm aiding it a little bit?

How are you aiding it a little bit?

Just like, like I put my bow away. Just like, like, hands up, like, like, we're not here to hurt you.

Sure. Yeah. You could have advantage.

You could use it.

Yeah.

13, uh, it doesn't significantly assuage her fear, but she's not actively terrified of.

You or you just don't want her to hurt herself. I don't know if you're familiar with how these work, but if you depress the two springs on each side, when the spring's compressed to the ground, those jaws will loosen and open.

Right.

If this is a bear trap, which by the size it's a bear trap, each one of us are going to need to get on each side of that, and it's going to take all that we can do to compress those springs to get it to release. I know that by hand, I cannot spring a bear trap. So they usually have clamps or sometimes two wood that are hinged in the middle to get leverage. We don't have anything like that. If between the two of us, we can get these compressed down. If we can't get it, we can get Olnach and some more help. Okay, but let's see if we can get her foot loose.

Yeah, let's give it a shot.

Let's go ahead and have strength checks.

Okay.

Not great, but not great either.

Can we get athletic? Check. Instead of strength?

It's based on strength?

It is based on strength.

Sure.

Okay.

My number changed.

Oh, good.

My number changed from a plus zero to a plus zero.

Good.

I got proficiency with it, so I got 17.

I got 15, so not bad.

You, Elliot, you're able to just fight through it. It's not in the greatest shape. It's a little rusted and whatnot. The spring's pretty tough. You're able to just barely click it.

Can I cast Magean and have that? Try to add a little bit of.

Added oomph to it.

Sure. You're not quite able to get it open. It's just rusted enough. It's just stuck.

So we're gonna. I'm gonna very gently release very slowly so it doesn't snap, right?

Yeah.

And I'm gonna say, I'll go back and go get some help.

Okay.

See if you can kind of keep her calm. And I'll go back to get the group to come get some help.

Cool.

Okay.

Thumbs up.

So I'll go back to the group, and I'll say, there's a green tree girl that's being caught in a bear trap over here. We just. The two of us, can't get her out of it, and I'm gonna need some help. We need to approach really slowly. She looks pretty scared and hurt, so she's not real. Okay. With us there, but I need more help. Definitely from old knock and all the help we can get.

Could I be trying to, like, talk to her at all, to try, like, soothing her so she doesn't move a lot? Like, hey, do you speak in the.

Languages that I speak, which is probably specifically English.

You persuaded her before, and she responded.

Yeah. Go ahead and roll, Elliot. Rolled last time. Persuasion, right?

Yes.

You roll this time without advantage.

Okay.

Cause he can't help you. Cause he's not there, which makes that a fair bit harder.

Roll.

That's what.

I was 17.

Okay. You're calming her. Cool. Calming her a fair bit. You see her responding in comprehension, but she does not talk back. Okay.

So I'll explain. It's. When you're looking at those traps, they're pretty self explanatory, but you've got the jaws. And then you've got a spring on each side. And when the spring opens up, it causes the jaws to snap close. So all we have to do, and I'm explaining as we're walking back, we just need to get at least two people on each spring. If you don't have the strength, kneel on it. If one person kneels and then the other person squeezes, we should be able to get it open with that many people. And, in fact, we have an extra. So somebody could probably help pull her foot out as gently as we can.

Yeah. All right.

Can I offer her my, uh, my water? See if she takes my water skin that I have?

Uh.

Your roots are looking a little dry.

Yeah. I don't know why, but that sounds like be vaguely offensive.

I would be offended.

Weirdly enough, this is the first time I've talked to a tree person.

Right. That's like walking into somebody's house and being like, you need to put lotion on your heels.

But, girl, your feet are hella dry.

She does not take your butter. So the rest of you come and try to help.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay. So between all of you, you can absolutely get this open.

Okay. Thank you.

And with the extra person helping, you're able to get her leg out without causing any further harm. And the wound, when you're looking at it, is a really weird mixture of. Not unlike how Olnach's bite initially was, but with a splintered wood affectation to it as well. Somewhere between plant meets flesh, kind of.

Leaking like pine SAP or something like that.

Yeah. The blood is very thick. The outermost skin is kind of more cracked than torn. Splintered almost. And the lady is, you can tell there's no way she's walking on that leg.

When I come back, I'm gonna say, my name's Elliot Brandy Bain. Do you have a name again?

She kind of looks at you. She does not reply. She looks down at her leg, not unlike an animal would, kind of testing it out, seeing that can't bear weight. And then you see her kind of look off deeper into the woods and then back at her leg, and then back off deeper into the woods into the same spot.

Can we help you get back to wherever you need to go?

I was gonna say, can I do an insight check? I'm thinking she's looking for maybe somebody that was helping her or I'm trying to get an insight check about what she keeps.

Go for it.

And I'm probably looking off in that direction, seeing if there's other tree people.

Moving 14, you get the sense that she isn't looking for something. She is trying to figure out how to get somewhere.

Oh, okay. So I'm like, I think she wants to go over there.

I want to try to help prop her up to get her on her one good leg.

Okay. Yeah. As you reach for. She initially kind of, you know, recoils a little bit just out of, again, not unlike a wounded animal. She understands you just helped her, but she lets you kind of prop her up, and then she is just immediately trying to kind of hop deeper into.

The woods, like, well, we'll help. You just don't. Don't get in a big rush, but we'll help. And also, I want to look around really quick before we leave to make sure it doesn't look like she has dropped something that she might want to take with her later. Like she was carrying something.

Like a trunk.

I was thinking a bag, but sure, a trunk.

Just a tree plan.

Oh.

No, there's in the area.

So I want to help her towards wherever she's looking.

Perfect. Now that she's up. The thing that might. I could see Elliot being particularly aware of this in a embarrassed sort of nature. She's not really wearing clothing. There's sort of foliage that is kind of growing around, but again, it's almost as if she was carved out of a tree of sorts. But she. She does. By all movement and everything, she's every bit as dexterous as any other human would be, but again, just a very strange mishmash of nature and plant and flesh.

So pinocchios exist now?

I know you don't. She doesn't talk.

She.

I don't know if her nose is.

Again, this sounds vaguely offensive.

What other living tree person?

Triads.

What are those?

What are three people?

Oh, hey, cool. Yeah, maybe she's one of those.

I thought those were called ant treants.

Does she look like an ant?

There was that one movie with a gigantic tree beard.

Actual, like, full size trees, though. Like, dryads are like. Like women that come out of trees?

I was gonna say a wooden myth.

It's a Greek.

Oh, that sounds pretty too.

Okay.

We'Ll keep doing our little three legged hobble off in the direction she.

And I'm gonna keep sort of prattling on. Sort of just like, you know, hey, we were just going along, and I hope you're okay.

You know, I'm gonna check the path ahead for more traps.

I will aid Elliot if his attempt to not be intimidating.

Okay.

Olnock and I are leading all of the horses.

Yeah, probably. And Jacob, who's half asleep on his saddle.

Yeah.

Let's go ahead and have James roll investigation.

I'm gonna stop talking because apparently I'm too offensive to the tree person.

There's a reason I haven't spoke much, James.

I'm just saying. You call her Pinocchio.

Exactly. Call her Pinocchio.

Call her.

Her feet were dry.

Like, you weren't there for that.

Do you see where there's a couple other animal snares? More of the type that would be used for catching rabbit things of that nature? Smaller stuff. There's no more bear traps.

Cool. I probably will grab a stick of some sort that's decently length to like. Like, just brush it across ahead of us so it will. Would catch something just in case.

Perfect.

You're.

You're confident that you're finding a perfectly safe path forward? I'm going to say between the tag team of the two of you're able to get her as calm as you're going to. And somebody else said they wanted to do. You guys were leading horses. You successfully lead horses.

Very well trained.

So you walk. It's obviously quite slow helping this hobbling person, who is also the only person who has any idea where they're going. It's slow progress, but you walk for maybe another 2030 minutes deeper into the. It's now firmly forest.

And.

After about 1520 minutes of this, the woods open up into a very large circular clearing. And it is, weirdly, perfectly circular. An exact circle, roughly, probably, you'd guess about 50 yards radius. It's a good sized clearing. It's about a football field across to the other side of these woods.

I'm gonna stop before we actually enter this clearing and check for, like, a mushroom ring, just in case.

50 yards would categorically be half a.

Football field radius, not diameter.

Okay, so I don't see like. Like, I don't see like a fairy.

Ring or something going on to, like, if I misspoke. I meant radius. It's a big ass circle. Role nature or investigation?

Investigation. That is a 22 again. Goddamn.

There's some mushrooms in the area.

Okay, but are they in a ring ish?

They appear to be bordering the clearing. Yes. You can't confirm that it's a football field. Wide sword circle.

Gotcha. But from flake.

There are mushrooms that appear to be following the circular path. Yes.

All right, well, do we want to go into the oddly circular clearing?

The one thing that might help you make this decision is in the center of said clearing. You see where you see a natural pump, kind of like a natural spring. So there's a little bit of a volcano shape coming up out of the ground. From the leftover, hard water buildup with water trickling down into a pond. And surrounding this pond, you see quite a few creatures that can only be described as gallivanting around. This is very joyful. You just. You look in there and you see a bunch of things that, you know are having a very good time. They're very happy, they're very upbeat, and they are very not humans.

Where the fuck are we?

I don't know. Is the dryad acting like she's trying to get to that group?

The closer you get, the more she wants to go there? Yes.

I kind of think I might have got hit in the head, because this can't even be right. But. But she wants to get over there, and I'm gonna help.

I mean, we're all seeing the same thing.

I'm.

At this point, I'm attached to her. So if she enters the ring, I'm entering the ring with it.

It'd be better not to. Leave her alone.

Jesus. Leave her alone. So as you approach the very much not humans, you get close enough, you could start to tell some of them apart. Some of them are things that you've seen in stories before. There is very obviously a man with Billy goat horns and. Billy goat or Billy goat legs.

Satyr.

You see, at first you thought they were maybe fireflies, which is strange for the area. We don't have those. But as you get closer, they are small fairy type creatures.

Are we still in America, Toto? I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.

It's pretty. This is the first pretty unreal thing we've seen, and I like it.

Yeah, I don't think this is. I don't think this has been here before.

And if you were to put the lady you're helping on a scale from zero is plant, five is human, she'd be sitting at like a 3.5, a four on this scale. You see a couple of creatures that would be sitting closer to a 1.5 on the scale. Human ish, but far more bush small. You know, they're not. They're not huge. They look more like if a section of the juniper bush came to life and walked away. That is very much what they look like.

That's a bunch of people in Ghillie suits. Those are not. Definitely not humanoids.

We've done it. We've found the shrubbery.

Oh, my God.

And at the center of it all, you see a absolutely stunning green skinned from this distance person.

You know, I was kidding when I said we were gonna find the jolly green giant.

This is fascinating. Yeah.

Well, I guess let's hop to it, then.

She's such a bigger.

You would live longer the more puns you told.

Apparently, I get jokey when I'm tired.

You're gonna be an old, old man. I'm just saying.

Also happens in, you know, to diffuse awkward situations.

I don't know if it diffuses them.

Makes me feel better.

That makes. Well, that makes one of us.

All right, well, I'm gonna keep helping her get up to the group and say, hey, we found your friend over there. Sorry she got hurt.

And when you get about, come in peace. When you get about, we'll say, 1015 yards from the center, the dryad kind of gently places her hands on you and kind of signaling she wants to try to make her way forward herself.

Okay, so I'll stop and let her kind of, like, support my hands in case she falls over. I try to catch her, but I'm gonna let her go.

And again, she keeps her hands out, kind of signaling stay. And she hobbles her way forward. And as she moves forward, the green skinned woman stands and meets her about halfway. And you can hear conversation. It is unlike any language you have ever heard spoken. It is absolutely gorgeous, very musical, but it is incomprehensible. It's not even like you hear. And you can be like, I don't know what they're saying, but that's obviously chinese. I don't know what they're saying, but that's obviously french. Nah, nothing even vaguely familiar to this at all. They converse back and forth a little bit, and then the green skinned woman locks eyes with you guys individually, one at a time, and then starts to make her way towards you.

And I thought that the elves were hard to understand.

And as she gets so pretty, though, right, as she gets closer, you see a lot of similar features that you saw on the elves. They're just a little bit more so. The elves had big, pointy ears. These are a little bit more the. This again, if we're going back to our plant to human scale, this is a five. This isn't green in the way of, like, her hair is leaves or anything like that. It is flesh. It is normal hair. The hair is kind of. As it gets closer, you could tell it's more the yellow of early wildflowers. The skin is green of fresh, fresh budding leaves or freshly growing grass. You look at this lady and you think, spring. She's wearing actual clothing, textiles in a style that hearkens back to upper crust in the middle ages. Nice clothing she is wearing, unlike what would have been back then. She is wearing pants instead of a dress or anything like that. But old textile fabrics, also just very vibrantly colored. All the colors of spring are presented on this person. They do carry weaponry on their sides, are not carrying them in their hands, but they do have a bow and a long sword you see sheathed on their hip. But they are approaching in a very non aggressive fashion.

Are we about to have a conversation with Mother Nature?

I think so.

Hey, best be on our best behavior.

Mother Nature's a bitch.

I wouldn't say that to her.

Elliot, that is so rude.

You haven't spent enough time outside, have you?

Well, not so much.

Now.

She's beautiful, but she can be heartless.

When she gets within 60ft of you guys, I need you all to make a wisdom saving throw.

Oh, great. I have such good wisdom, bro. Didn't even know.

The moment that you're settled, when she gets within a certain range, if you.

Would like to prevent that, you can.

But I rolled a nat 20.

I did too.

Wow.

Elliot, I got a 20.

That's another one. That's another nat 20.

No shit.

Wow.

I have a plus zero, negative one.

So you cut a 19 on a net 20.

That sucks.

So that half of the table, when she gets close, you still feel just good. You feel happy. You have a moment where just a wave of joy hits you in the face and it just simmers down into just good. Pleasant. Again, it's not unlike the feeling of being outside for the first time without a jacket on. After a hard winner. Okay, this half of the table, you are charmed. And you feel just phenomenal. Very joyful. Very, very happy for it.

This is wonderful. I thought you said she was a bitch. She's the most amazing thing.

I thought we were gonna say that.

She's beautiful.

And she continues to approach again, absolutely doing nothing to seem aggressive in any way, shape or form.

She might be my hero.

Approaching. Not unlike the leader of a delegation does in great movies right before the big battle, just with an absence of armies on either side, she's walking forward with purpose, but it is not. Sword is not drawn. She is not here to harm. And once she gets within 1015ft, she does slow. You know, she's not walking right up to you, but she turns her eyes, particularly towards Elliot and Mel, and says, greetings. Thank you for bringing back my young Dryad.

You're welcome.

We're glad we could help you, ma'am.

You're the most beautiful thing I think I've ever seen before.

You're incredible.

Well, that is incredibly kind of you to say. Thank you, young. Young Deodora, she. She is very new to the area. She does not understand the dangers that can befall one in the lands of man.

It's horribly dangerous here.

So I appreciate you kind strangers helping her, freeing her from that trap.

I'm glad we could help. And my name's Elliot. Brandy Bain. What's yours?

It's a pleasure to meet you, Elliot. My name is Mazora Leslien.

Whoa.

First consort of spring and protector of the uncharted lands.

That's a lot to remember.

My name's Mel. I think you're amazing.

I think you are amazing as well, young Mel. Thank you.

We have charts of this land if we wanted them.

I have been temporarily relocated. It would appear these are uncharted to our people, but, uh, they are very reminiscent of home.

There's been a lot of, uh, magical relocating happening in the last few weeks.

It would appear as though you and yours have been initiated already into the ways of our area. You are nowhere near as surprised as I would expect.

Yeah, we met some elves once upon a time.

You're the first amazing thing we've ever met. Though, like, amazingly good, not amazingly awful. There's been a lot of that ladder.

Yes. Unfortunately, the nature of the lands are a dichotomy. The more good there is, the more evil there tends to be to bring the balance about, such is such as nature.

I'm guessing that you're not working for a morator.

Oh, I do not work for anyone.

Can I do an insight check on that? For, like. Like, any kind of facial expression changes when a moratar was mentioned.

Sure.

That is another natural 20.

Get it out.

Out.

Today.

You won't need those to work you.

With a nat 20. You see recognition across her face, but not really that differently than if, you know, I were to ask you if you work for Pol Pot. You know who Pol Pot is? You don't appear to.

What are you?

Even more than if I were to, say, ask you if you work for Saddam Hussein. You're aware of that name? But it's such an outlandish question, it doesn't even offend you. It's just.

Gotcha.

There's a flicker of recognition to amoratar, but she absolutely at least believes she does not work for anybody.

Okay, well, that's good.

All I am here for is protecting the land and helping bring about the transition from winter to spring.

That's the most amazing job ever, if.

You can speed that up. It's quite cold.

Everything comes in due time, young man. You are still youthful. You have yet to develop the patience that comes with maturation.

Is that supposed to mean.

It means your impatience.

Yeah, that's pretty easy to figure out.

Speaking of impatient, I know someone who would totally love to meet you. Jacob. Wake up. Jacob.

You see, he's been awake for a while, and he is just staring at her, just mouth agape. This is quite possibly this young man's first ever crush.

This is not Ellie's first crush.

You see, Jacobs, when you say his name, his. His cheeks redden a little bit, but he. There he is. Completely.

Okay, never mind. I think he just met you.

He's a very handsome young man you have with you.

Hey, we've got a friend of ours. And he motions towards Almack.

Yes, the one that has been bitten.

Yeah. How do you know that?

It's a little.

I smell the. The fragrance of wolf upon you.

Oh, that's just General Bo.

I showered after we fought the wolf.

Is there anything we can. Is there anything you can do for him?

Oh, I am afraid I. I don't dabble in the lands of curses. That you curse are very ill.

Do.

You know someone who does?

Or do you know of anything that we could do to help him?

Can we, like, douse him in silver or something?

From my knowledge, that would kill me.

Yeah, liquid silver would probably kill most things.

Burying most anything in liquid silver would do an effective job of killing it.

Well, I was thinking, like, a magical ritual.

But there are. Yeah, there are rituals that can be done. Yes. They are not of my purview. They typically come from people who work for deities.

Wait.

Hey.

Hi.

That sounds familiar.

With. With a 14 on a nature check, would I have ever heard of the root wolfsbane?

Sure. Yeah, that's a pretty sport plant. Yeah. And should I have heard of wolfsbane? And I'm far from the adventurer you are.

I think I've heard that a root called wolfsbane can help with that. Hey, does that sound familiar to you? Does that sound like anything you've ever heard of?

I have absolutely heard of Wolfsbane being used in medicinal purposes. There's a chance I use the word sick because I know not a better. You have received a curse, young man.

Okay. Um.

You were bitten by what? I feel confident you're all alive. So it must be dead.

Yeah.

I'm assuming you noticed that the wolf that bit you died and became a human after its final breath. That is what is called a werewolf. They suffer the curse of lycanthropy.

Yeah, we know the concept. There's a lot of stories in our world about werewolves. It's. They weren't real until recently, as far as we can tell, so we've had a hard time. I mean, also, he got bit tonight, so we haven't thought about that hard. But there's a lot of legend and not a lot of fact. We don't know what we actually going to happen. What's actually going to help.

Yeah, we don't know what's real.

I can fill you in on some fact if you. I'm afraid, as is the balance of nature, debt does not do well with my people. I. I would like to keep the scales balanced. In order for me to provide you with aid, I would need you to provide me with more. Freeing my dryad. While kind has gotten us this far, if you. I cannot remove your curse that is not within my purview. I can potentially point you in the right direction and fill in the apparently numerous gaps in your knowledge.

Would we do anything to help you, Mel?

Don't promise that, please.

Especially Mel. Not anything.

Yeah, the last time you did that.

Anything ended up kind of bad for you. Last time, but. But I get it. She's really pretty. I got it.

I understand you're very concussed, Mel. Maybe don't make decisions until you're feeling better.

Once you see that, we'll do anything to help you, Elliot.

See?

See?

Shy of killing.

I'm charmed.

One of our members or something?

What?

I mean, I would not expect you to be gun shy, so to speak, around the death. Well, I. The stench of death weighs heavy on you in particular. You are correct. But if you are willing to aid me. I don't want to kill you. There is nearby a man made cave.

Okay.

Very nearby. Your ancestors used to mine the earth within this cave.

Okay.

I believe they primarily sought silver from its lands. What I need is a gem.

What kind of gem?

Deep within there is a gem, blue in color, flecked with golden inclusions.

Okay, does that ring a bell with our resident metals expert metal?

No, I'm not a rocks person.

Anybody proficient in sapphire?

I don't know. The gold flex?

Nope.

Think gemstones are for hippies?

Is there a check for. I used to hang around my dad's loser girlfriends when they were at the jewelry store.

Mel was around a lot of hoity toity nonsense.

Just, I guess history. History would work. Yeah.

Probably not one of your better skills.

Actually, I'm proficient in that.

Oh, okay.

I mean, she went through all this, the quizzes and stuff.

14 lapis lazuli. Very pretty.

What is it?

Lapis lazuli. Gemstone. Native to Colorado.

Okay.

I was just about to ask.

There is a very large gem in there. I would love to add it to my collection of pretty little things.

What is it about this gem, specifically that makes you want it?

It is very pretty, and I do not yet have one.

A beautiful gem for a beautiful lady. I don't see where this is a problem.

Read that. It's magical. I got a nat one, so I'm not reading shit off of any.

I was also still studying her face. Cause I don't really trust her. Right off.

It is a fresh check, but go for it.

Yeah.

I'm absolutely convinced that no one else in the world deserves this gem but her.

She wants this gem. Cause it's very pretty, and she does not yet have one.

Okay.

All right.

So she's like a raccoon. Shiny, right? Like a crow starling.

Is there a reason that you haven't been able just to go in to the cave and retrieve it yourself?

I bask in the light. I do not go into the dark places.

Makes sense.

You are a smart woman.

Yeah.

It's dark outside right now, but it.

Is lit by the moon.

Oh, like. Like pitch black darkness. No. Bueno.

It's a cave.

Uh huh.

I don't appear to understand what you're asking.

Do you know if there's any lamps and stuff?

Right?

Like, can you do lamps?

Most of my friends are made of wood.

I did notice maybe the wrong detail to grasp onto.

And I could go grab this for myself, quite frankly. But I don't care for the dark. I don't care for tight spaces.

Like, claustrophobic.

I'm not the one in need of a favor. Currently, I am willing to accept the pretty rock in exchange for information to keep the scales of nature in balance.

Equivalent exchange.

Okay, I'm good with that.

That sounds perfect.

How big are we talking?

It is big enough. I can detect it from here. I would estimate it's probably. She makes a size about the size of a basketball.

Oh, whoa, whoa.

It's heavy.

And. But it's not like, hey, I need horses or 20 people or whatever. Like, I throw that over my shoulder and figure it out.

I prefer you not throw the rock.

No, I mean, it's a carry. It's a term for carrot carry. I'm sorry.

I see. I understand. I understand now.

I didn't mean like yeet it.

Upon the receipt of this gym gem, I will give you what helped I can. I will fill in the blanks to the best of my ability. And I believe I know where you could seek more permanent aid.

I see. All right, well, we're trying to lift my curse, so I'm down if y'all.

Are alright, if we take a rest and give you our answer in a.

Couple hours, it is absolutely acceptable. You may stay within this clearing. I guarantee no harm will befall you within this glen. Drink from our pond if you wish. It is clean, crisp, fresh water. I would prefer you not hunt in the surrounding area. Some of these animals are my dear friends.

Of course not. We wouldn't dream of hunting here.

We're well stocked on food as it is at the moment.

Hey.

I'll knock.

Did Elliot get a concussion too?

I mean, I don't think so.

Around this point your guys state of charm is starting to fade. You're not as awestruck. You still feel pretty damn good though.

I'm just picturing with the statement. You could stay here. Elliot is just gonna like curl up on the ground and go, oh, this is great.

I guess we're staying right in this exact spot.

Yes. He is a very literal man, is he not?

Sometimes.

If you would like, you are welcome to come closer to my friends. But you are safe within this glen. And when you are ready to travel, come let me know.

All right. Thank you.

All right. And you guys are taking a rest?

I'm curling up on the ground next to Elliot. Right there.

Still morning.

Is this a rock I can lay on?

Really? You have a meadow and you want to go lay on a rock?

I want to be on the rock with my bedroll.

Sure. You can make this less comfortable for yourself.

You're in a green metal rock or.

Just like a boulder? Like.

Like a bedish looking rock. If there's a rock rock in, I like lay my stuff out like it's a shitty mattress.

There is.

I'm not used to comfort. You heard I was in the navy, right?

That's true. The meadow might be too soft for him.

For the rest of you, the grass is as lush and soft as grass can be. You lay, you rest and you are almost immediately asleep. You wake with the sun having gotten the benefit of a full rest. Long rest I should say, for rules. Shit. And you have leveled up.

Holy crap.

I like to think that when Elliot lays down and just goes immediately asleep, Charlie kind of goes up and licks his face a couple times, curls up, plops next to him, and then Elliot kind of reaches out and grabs him and pulls him up like a pillow.

Aw, that's cute. So you are all now successfully level four adventurers.

Theatre of the mind is Jeremy Arfston, Elliot Brandybain, Amanda Arston as Melanie Kelly, Michael Bernal as Ulnock Varga Johnson, Michael Downes as James Obrien, Casey Weingarten as Emery Lee, and Mike Schalk as your dungeon master. We release new episodes every two weeks.

So our next episode will release on June 23.

If you want to follow us, our social media and website can be found on our link tree, which can be found in the podcast description. Also in the podcast description you can find a link to Pinecast as well as a referral code to get you 40% off of your first four months of a paid membership, as well as our referral link to epidemic sound, which gives you a one week trial period to their excellent platform. The music this week was sourced from Epidemic Sound. We are not sponsored by under the Creative Commons license.

Songs used in order sad acceptance by Wendell Scherer lost empire by David Solomon celeste spirit of the Ages by Joe Wandrini the Lifeguard by John Bjork Dark woods by Phoenix Tale two dusty instrumental version by Blood Red sun give it all up instrumental version by Martin Hall a little longer instrumental version by Windshield one Quiet night by Heath Contu only this by headland Nylon String Theory by Candelian all find it by Eric Feinberg sweet treat by Will Harrison and mysterious forest by Howard Harper Barnes the theater.

Of the mind theme, intermission, and outro were written by Mike Schalk. Theater of the Mind is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.